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Showing posts from August, 2008

Desperation...

Contrary to popular belief, I have not fallen off of the face of the earth. The lack of recent posts was due to my obsession with the Olympics and Beach volleyball. So, here is a monologue I wrote to tide people over until the Olympics end. (Sure, women's beach volleyball is over, but the closing ceremonies are going to be awesome. Right? Right?! Dammit...

DESPERATION
(Robert is a 29 yr old man. He stands in the center of the stage, a chair right behind him.)

"Today is the 1st day of the rest of our lives. (ROBERT sits.) Um. Yeah... My name is Robert, and, um, well, I'm an... (ROBERT pulls out a pack of cigarettes. He methodically opens the pack and pulls one out. He lights it up.) I'm an alcoholic. I don't have a problem, it's my friends, they're enablers really-- What? No smoking inside. Sorry. I guess I've seen too many movies. You know, smoke a cigarette, open up, hug it out, you know....I'll put it out. (ROBERT takes a few …

Only Living Boy in Boise

Boise, ID- Go to college. Find a girl. Get married. Buy a house. Live happily ever after. It all seems so simple, right?

Well, that's what Jason Haskins thought all of those years ago while gazing up into the stars and listening to pop rock on 1240 radio, KELK. After 29 years and careful planning, that dream is finally coming true. No, there is no house. Or girl for that matter. What Jason does have is a college degree and a willingness to explore new things. Those two things are exactly what brought Jason to this moment in time. An idea? Maybe. A baffoon? Most likely.

Earlier today, in a pre-written, typed up statement, it was announced Jason would be holding his own version of The Bachelor*. Over the next four weeks (or however long it took) Jason would be auditioning girls to be his future girlfriend or commercial breaks permitting, a wife. How would this be possible, you may ask. In his statement, Jason broke it down quite simply.

The girls would compete for the …

Doldrums of Summer...

It is not often I take a moment to reflect in this forum, but hey, even I have my moments. As we head into the dog days of summer (and the Western Idaho Fair. Who's with me? Anyone? Ferris Wheel?), I'd like to take a brief second of your time to look back and see what I've learned.

The Boston Celtics won their 17th NBA Championship in June. It's really hard being a fan of Boston these days. Between the Red Sox, the Celtics, and the New England Cheaters, Boston has the market cornered on championships. (I like the first two, but Tom Brady, uh...)

Speaking of the Red Sox, good riddance Manny Ramirez. I appreciate your World Series MVP and your offensive prowess, but it was your "Manny being Manny" attitude that finally caused me to give up on you. I mean, come, the outfielders collided with each other and the ball bounced all the way into the stands. And you still got thrown out at first base by that drunk guy wearing a Dodgers hat in the third row.

The…