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A Piece of me...

The subject is the title...

"Standing at the edge of existence is an often difficult thing to withstand. Not knowing were to go next can lead to an amount of trouble that can never be fully explained. Confusion tugs at the heart. There are always questions without answers. Nothing will ever be said. Can I lead the life I want to lead? What's next on the agenda? Indecision drives the soul of every man, but it is my greatest fear. Above death, above life even, is the fact that I can't decide what I want. Even the idea of choosing the correct path is beyond me. Things are great or at least someone believes it, but I have trouble looking forward. How can I? It's said that we may be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us. How often have I tried to put the past behind me? Maybe once too often. I am sent into a downward spiral that may never end. I continue to hope, but it is a false hope and may never be satisfied. Can I live with that? I haven't the faintest idea why I have been chosen to live. It is widely believed that all of us have been chosen to become some part of the ultimate plan. Whose plan is it and why must I be part of it? The sound of silence is what I desire. There is very little left to learn. Serenity is my last chance. Where can I go from here? I have no answers. How can one look at the sublime of life when everyone and everything is based on the ideals of a materialistic society? It is impossible to uphold the standards of useless ideas.

Situations arise in which complications can't be avoided. Everything I do there is complication. Of course, where would a person be without such obstacles? One must be challenged in life. Where will the challenges stop? Can I go one day of just living a life of carefree decision making? Everything has an impact upon another. I want to lay down and sleep forever. Just wait for the world to go by. Sleep right now would be my greatest friend. No complications in that. The entire process of attempting to sleep is wherein lies the problem. I want to be everywhere at once. Why must it be difficult? Did I really ask for this. I'm no longer connected with the outside world. I lost touch awhile back. Every memory I have seems to be a dream. Perhaps the alcohol has killed my brain cells. Everything I do feels like I'm floating through life and I'm on the outside, spying in to see what is going on. I need firm ground to stand on. A firm grasp, if you will. The philosophy is to just live. Haziness sets in. The answers are out there and need to be found. Then I can reach out again and once again find my heritage. I'm crumbling. From the inside out. My existence wears thin. I want to see the future. What is it? So many questions, so little time, so much to do, such things be...

It's a long, lonely road. Life that is. The path is crowded, sure, but the walkers are disconnected, and yet all carry the same burdens. No one is safe and we seem to stand still, yet time moves on. Life is nothing more than the compilations of bad moments that always keep a good man down. There are good phases, the smooth, straight part of this invisible path. Soon enough, though, the path is bumpy, narrow, rocky, and difficult to traverse. All around me, life spirals out of control. Self-loathing and alcohol have taken place of the Pursuit of Happiness. The Creators of the Constitution/Declaration of Independence have guaranteed us the people two things they have no control over. Life and Happiness. Nothing is real anymore. Plastic items have replaced the true gift of emotion. Life is an MTV fed society where people on the road take with them slang from television, movies, and music. Destiny is decided on what movies/tv shows are popular to the general audience. The path is lonely, if not by choice than by assignment. Who is to say? Answers are still out there and no one continues to seek them. We accept life as it is instead of attempting to improve it. And that stops today..."

Just a glimpse, and a little something to get the writing juices flowing.

Jason

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