RE: My hatred of your team, your new stadium, and Johnny Damon
To whom it may concern:
I hate you, New York Yankees. I have never liked you, ever since I first had Ron Guidry's baseball card and had to look at that hideous mustache. I do not like your new stadium, where apparently home runs fly out of the park at a ridiculous rate. What kind of team tears down a treasured national icon to build an overpriced, over luxurious stadium? A team with a greedy owner, for one. One that likes to cheat by allowing home runs. Sure, A-Rod and your first baseman (A man who spurned the Red Sox) have always hit home runs. Their hits are expected. As for you, Johnny Damon, why is it ever time I turn on the damn television you are hitting a home run. Maybe someone should test you for steroids. Have you been hanging out with your new teammate A-Rod a little too much these days?
Another thing I hate about the Yankees this year is your "Idiot" mentality. Hey, fellas, try something original. You haven't won a World Series in 9 years so you decided to copy a tactic of your hated rivals? I do not like you, New York Yankees. I hope you choke in the playoffs again so you can go overpay another aging superstar who you think will bring the title back to the Bronx. Newsflash, New York Yankees, it's too late. Take Johnny Damon with you and go jump off a bridge. Not a giant bridge, but a smaller one in which you'll live and have to swim in the cold water for awhile. Maybe that'll teach you a lesson. I don't know what kind of lesson, but I'm sure I'll think of one.
As for you, Andy Pettitte, you're all right. You've dominated the Red Sox for far too long, but you don't seem like a bad person. Please tell your first baseman and utility outfielder Johnny Damon that I don't have the same sentiments for them. Or Bucky Dent for that. Also, tell A-Rod there's no reason to cry. Ramon Ramirez does not throw the ball that hard.
So, take your home runs. And your awesome pitching. And your 300 million dollar payroll. Take all of these things to the playoffs and lose in the first round again. And then watch as the Boston Red Sox laugh all the way to the World Series. Thank you for your time and I look forward to future correspondence.
Red Sox Fan #3452 Jason Haskins
P.S. I hate you, Johnny Damon!