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My own personal LOST finale...

February 2nd, 2010. After all of these excruciating, mind bending years, the first episode of the final season of "Lost" will finally air. This has been a long time in waiting. We all sat through Season 2 and endured the idea of flash forwards and time traveling. Well, some of us gave up, it was bound to happen, but that's besides the point. We have all arrived. Together. We lived through the seventies. And the fifties. We also survived polar bear attacks and black smoke monster. Oh wait, I'm confusing real life and the show I've been watching on television for the last few years. I'll try not to let it happen again.

In lieu of the final season, I have decided to give six different scenarios in which "Lost" ends its T.V. run. These are not scientific by any means, though I did take a Gallup Poll and the results have a +/- margin of 99 percent.

6.) Keeping it simple here. This one has been discussed many times over Bud Light and Rum and Cokes with my friend Cornbread: The people on the island are all robots. And not sex robots, as Josh would want. Just regular old robots.

5.) Turns out, Hurley really has been imagining the entire island for the last six seasons. The reasons for flash forwards and flashbacks was because Hurley has trouble telling as story.

4.) Of course, the theory of good vs evil and religion vs science has been tossed around the internet for years. And I'm sure that will play into very much. As it were, the finale ends in a very similar fashion to the closing credits of "Men In Black". As the final minutes close, we learn that the island is purgatory. And as the camera pans out, it turns out the island is just a snow globe and God and Satan have been arguing over the snow globe the entire time. Interesting, maybe. Ground breaking: indeed!

3.) The butler did it.

2.) Charles Widmore, as "Lost" fans know, is very rich. He has become quite bored with the normal rituals of a wealthy lifestyle, so he decides to buy the island where his nemesis Ben lives. Widmore, who enjoys the thrill of messing with people's environments, constantly brings new people to this island to watch them hunt each other in a survival of the fittest type atmosphere. He watches all of this on a giant LCD T.V. back in jolly ol' England. Widmore's money even has found someone to invent time travel in order for the game to be more interesting. He likes placing random people in his human zoo. It's much like the movie "Surviving the Game" starring Ice T, Gary Busey, and Rutger Hauer. Except Widmore is no Rutger Hauer and "Lost" would have been a lot cooler with Gary Busey.

1.) As an Evil Locke chases Jack, Sawyer, and Kate off the island, the four are suddenly transported to the city of Boston. The chase across the city involves helicopters, cars, and motorcycles. Bloodied and bruised, the three heroes reach a building that has steps leading down to a bar. Light illuminates from the area below so with Locke close on their tale, the three run down the stairs. The front door of the bar says Cheers and the three began to pound on the door. Sam Malone, the bartender, simply says, "Sorry, we're closed." He gives a slight wave and as the screen goes black, all we hear are the jackal like screams of Locke.

So there it is. I hope one of these endings suits the never-gonna-be-satisfied needs of all the "Lost" fans out there. Stay tuned next week when I give my five ideas for the finale of "Kath and Kim."

J.

*I just found out "Kath and Kim" was canceled a few years back. One of my researchers will be fired because of that. I apologize.

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