Knowing is half the battle

Keep it Anonymous

2012-02-12T18:19:00.000-08:00

Hello. My name is Jason and I have a problem. Today, 2 days before Valentine's Day, I watched The Notebook. I did not do this with a women or as a favor to a girlfriend. I watched it myself, in the afternoon, and without an alcoholic beverage in hand. I have a problem...

Okay, so it's not a problem. I really enjoy the movie. It's that damn sensitive side of me that forces such actions on my life. And it's not the first time I've watched it. Or the fifth. It's maybe the sixth time I've seen it, at least parts of it. Normally, I like to tell people that I watch it because Sam Shepard is in it (He plays Ryan Gosling's dad, for those who don't know), but that was not the case. Today, I wanted to get back in touch with the side of me that always believed that true love will conquer all, fate will always re-unite the destined, blah, blah, blah...

This may be the last time I speak of such things on this blog, but sometimes a person just needs to write it all out. Up until the last few years or so, I had a nice romantic viewpoint of the world. I believed in the idea of fate and destiny. I truly believed that one person should only have one true love of a lifetime. And perhaps it had been these naive notions that had driven me in my pursuit of happiness in life. Not only in love, but in everything I did. I wasn't naive to the point in which I sat around waiting for things to happen (I know hard work is also involved), but I also truly believed that if two people were meant to be together, it would happen. Or if a career were meant to be successful, that to would happen. And maybe it was because of movies like The Notebook that helped reinforce these ideals of mine.

I lost that feeling. Maybe it's because I'd been hurt so many times in love. Or maybe it was because I wasn't where I wanted to be in my life yet. I don't know exactly where to pinpoint any of it. I look back in my life and realize, at least on the love part, I was already miserable in some of those relationships, but was too busy caught up in the idea of "togetherness" to realize it. The end may have hurt initially, but I have always moved past them. At least that had been the case and in those relationships I can appreciate them as learning lessons of life. That's what is important. I can say that even in the one I haven't been able to let go that learning lessons have occurred.

And regards to my life, my career, I have realized over the past 3 years or so that I could have always worked harder at pursuing my dreams. And I'm doing that now. There are no regrets in life, and for awhile, I did not realize that. I liked to dwell on the "what-ifs" of life. I gave up on that. I realize that everything does happen for a reason. And sometimes you don't have to let go of something you know is right. I don't remember who said this quote, but I have looked at it every day for the last year or so.. "Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about." I apply this to many aspects of my life, including writing, my career, love, and friendships.

I do not know what the future holds. That's part of the fun. I do not want to let go of beliefs I have of fate and love and all that crap. And I have Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams to thank for that. As far as sappy blog posts go, this one ranks pretty high. Sometimes, though, it's good to blabber. And if there are way too many cliches in this post, I do not apologize. I do promise to get back to more pressing topics at hand in the future, like what's new at JERSEY SHORE. I'll save that for next time.

Now, if you excuse me, I have to go build a dream house for my love and then pout over her for at least five more years. And to grow a beard. That means I'm distraught.

J.

"It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am a master of my fate:
I am the Captain of my soul."

Growing Old...

2012-02-06T21:16:00.000-08:00

I stumbled upon two realizations over the last week. One was that I hadn't written a blog in a few weeks. In this regard, I am currently taking care of that as we speak. The second realization was that I'm old. That's right, I've finally decided to admit it.

I only do this begrudgingly because of the mail I have received over the last week. It all started with a simple letter from the Relyea Funeral Chapel in Boise, Idaho. This was not your normal piece of junk mail that was addressed to "resident". It was addressed to me. My intrigue got to the best of me and I opened the mail. It was simply a survey asking me if a have a plan in place in case of the death of a loved one. This is a valid question, and I realized it wasn't just a piece of mail saying, "Jason, you're old and you should probably make arrangements for your death." The nice people of Relyea just wanted me to know what my options were. And to also provide me with a free guide entitled, "My Final Wishes Organizer." (I sent the survey out in the mail today because I like free things.)

With that piece of mail put aside, I turned to the AARP envelope I received in the mail. That's right, it's time for me to start taking advantage of being retired. I'd been waiting for this moment all of my life. I wanted to read more about the benefits of AARP, which I'm sure are plentiful, but I just couldn't find the time. I was too excited about being retired.

A few days later, I received two more pieces of intriguing mail. Apparently I am getting old, because the title line of the post card read: "Funeral Advantage Programs Assists Seniors." That's right, this mail told me that I may qualify for the Funeral Advantage Program. Thousands of Idaho residents age 50-85 have been accepted. I did not respond to this one, though I think I must be pretty special in the first place to even consider someone who is 33 for this program.

The final piece of mail was the best one yet. It's from the Scooter Store. Hell yes, I want to ride around in a scooter. I am an old man and need help getting around. And if I ask about a free Mobility Consultation, I receive a Free 48-page slow cooker recipe booklet. Everyone knows my weakness: Scooters and Slow Cooker recipe booklets.

I am 33 years old. I am, I believe, in the prime of my life. So, if you can U.S.P.S., please stop trying to accelerate my life. If you see this piece of mail with my name on it, do me a favor and just cross out my name and write "Resident". At least this way, I know the mail might be intended for anyone. Now, if you excuse me, I have to go make dinner reservations for 4pm tomorrow at the Sizzler. And if anyone has seen my cane, let me know.

J.

"O Lord help me to be pure, but not yet."- Augustine

Poison

2012-01-09T22:32:00.000-08:00

First off: Oops. In regards to the post below, I vastly underestimated Alabama's offense. 21 points in a single game must be some sort of record. What a game!

Now that I have that off my chest, I wanted to talk about the new play I've almost completed the first draft of. This will not be an article about what the play is about, but instead focus on more of the process and journey this play has taken me over the years.

Poison and it's previous incarnation was first written in the summer/fall of 2001. It was my first stab at a full length play and luckily enough for me, my good friend and neighbor Lisa Hyslop was looking to produce/direct a play in February of 2002. Lucky for me, I had just finished a draft of Poison and thus, a creative partnership was born. Except I chose not to fully participate in that process, which still follows me around to this day and at the same time, drives me to all strive for more. I dutifully completed some re-writes, based on suggestions of Lisa and the cast. I did not attend but one rehearsal (I think. Maybe it was zero.) and I do believe the writing suffered because of that.

The production ran in February of '02 as planned turned out magnificent. The hard work of Lisa, the set designer, and the very talented cast of Aaron M. Kiefer, Zakk Luff, Katie McNeese, Nick Sceirine, and the late Ken Rothwell (and everyone else involved) helped to produce a successful run of the show. All this with very little help from me.

For this reason, Poison has always been a play that I've looked to improve on from a writing standpoint. Over the years, two more different versions and many drafts have taken form. In some versions, the play had actually taken a step backward from when it was produced. It was about a year ago, after I had shelved the play for a few years, that my good friend Aaron suggested I take another stab at it. We sat at Quinns that night and bounced ideas off of each other for a good two hours, if not more. On the night, Poison 5.0 was born.

And here we are, ten months later and the first draft is finally near completion. As with everything I write, the play has taken me on quite a journey and I hope that the early pages from last March still coincide with the ending of the play. I probably should re-read it, but I want to save that until the last page is written in this now marked up notebook. After ten years of re-writes and wasted ink, I hope to have a reading of the first draft within the next few weeks. My only hope is that my new words and hard work can hold a candle to the amazing work that the aforementioned people in this blog provided all those years ago. I know that without them Poison would not have stayed with me for so long. And for that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Jason

P.S. And for the fun of it, this little piece from Macbeth has helped guide me in the new version of Poison

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard from no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound of fury,
Signifying nothing.

BCS: Eh... Who cares?

2012-01-09T18:01:00.000-08:00

Normally predictions for such games come before the game actually starts. I have decided to wait until there was 9 min and 23 sec left to make my predictions. After 2 punts and a 1 first day through the first six minutes, I am making a final score prediction of 3 to 2 in favor of L.S.U.

And here is why: A Punter.

That's right. Brad Wing of L.S.U. will be the MVP of this National Title Game. Or BCS championship. Whatever you want to call it. I'm not even going to watch the game because I'm that sure of the outcome.

Okay, so I lied. I am currently watching but I will probably change the channel. Because nothing is happening. I like good defensive battles as much as anyone, but as I write this sentence, my MVP pick has just punted for the 2nd time. And he just made the tackle on a good return by Alabama. Perhaps we will see a field goal attempt by Alabama. Remember, they did hit two field goals last game. (What's that? They missed four? Oh yeah. Oops.)

I will watch this drive to see what happens. If my prediction doesn't come true and Alabama wins, then I do believe the Championship should be shared between all of the one loss teams. I mean, it's only fair, right? At the very least, L.S.U. and Alabama should get to play one more time because they each won one game head to head this year.

I will not go into that argument because I have had them here before. (A Big Pile of B(c)S, December 2008) We all know how I feel about the system. I will simply say that changes need to happen.

Despite my prediction, I must say 'Roll Tide... I'm trying to delay the end of this blog until the field goal attempt... Then I can safely turn off the game and maybe find something better to do... Looks like he made it, so my 3 to 2 victory prediction has been thrown out the window... Unless I change it to a 3 to 2 victory by Alabama. I really wish I'd stolen that Sports Almanac from Biff when I went back in time. Instead, all I got was this Alabama 2012 National Champions t-shirt. Oh, wait...

J.

"Effort isn't effort until it begins to hurt"

One Page Play

2012-01-02T20:14:00.000-08:00

TWO MEN are standing on the overlook of a bridge

MAN #1: Why'd we stop?

MAN #2: Nice night. And I enjoy the view.

MAN #1: I'm smoking. You in?

MAN #2: No.

MAN #1 lights a cigarette

MAN #1: What's the problem?

MAN #2: I love her.

MAN #1: I know. What's the problem?

MAN #2: Tomorrow...

MAN #1: What?

MAN #2: "Tomorrow," she says. That's the straight away, clear answer she provides for everything.

MAN #1: Tomorrow... Clever.

MAN #2: I'm tired of it. Put it off, put it off, and nothing.

MAN #1: It's the easy way out. Tomorrow.

MAN #2: And what do I have to show for it?

MAN #1: Tomorrow?

MAN #2: Exactly. Tomorrow and a little change.

MAN #1: And yet...

MAN #2: I'm still in love.

MAN #1: Do you have it?

MAN #2: Yes.

MAN #1: Let me see it.

MAN #2: Amazing...

MAN #2 hands MAN #1 a wedding ring in its case. MAN #1 looks at it and throws it to the river down below.

MAN #2: What the hell!

MAN #1: Now tomorrow will have its answer.

MAN #2: Tomorrow?

MAN #1: Yep.

MAN #1 pats MAN #2 on the shoulder and walks away. MAN #2 stares at the river below for a beat and then runs to catch up with his friend.

That Auld Lang Syne

2012-01-01T02:00:00.000-08:00

2012.

Here's to it.

And all of the uncertainty that lies ahead.

Here's the plan. Follow it if you'd like. They are merely suggestions, not demands. They are simply mantras of life that I have been attempting to follow over the last few months. And I believe most people could find at least one to agree with.

Live like there is no tomorrow.

Find your inner peace.

Embrace love.

Control what you can.

Don't think. Just do.

Dream Big.

Go Big or Go Home.

Don't Forget about Dre

Waste no time.

Acknowledge your thoughts.

Be one with the ball.

Proceed with reckless abandon.

Live in the present.

There are many more, but it could go on forever. Happy New Year to all. Here is to hoping that 2012 is a great one. Best wishes to all.

J.

Christmas Time is here. Have another beer...

2011-12-23T19:31:00.000-08:00

In the spirit of the holidays, I was going to talk about twelve things that the Christmas season has brought us. Even more so, these are general observations I have had over the last month or so. As I started to dive in, and with time running short before Christmas, I have decided to narrow the list down. I was going to include links on some of them, but alas, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is on, and my attention is divided. Enjoy and Happy Holidays to all! Thanks for stopping by.

1.) Grandma needs to take it easy on the eggnog. While it's always nice to have in moderation, I learned on Yahoo this week that eggnog is not healthy for you. Not only is it high in cholesterol, but apparently if you have too much, it increases your chances of getting run over by a reindeer. And also, what kind of ass is Grandpa that he wouldn't even walk Grandma home that night. It could have saved us all a lot of heartache. (Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer is popularly sung by Dr. Elmo.)

2.) This has nothing to do with Christmas, but I'm tired of the media's love of Tim Tebow. He plays well for one quarter a game. I am certain he is a good leader and has the right opportunities at the end of the games, but he is not that good. The defense of the Broncos is good. The kicking and punting game are top notch. And Tebow has fourth quarter magic like no other. I remember another player in Denver that had fourth quarter magic. His name was Jake Plummer and he left town after a short time. I am hoping for a Christmas miracle and the Broncos lose their last two games. In turn, the Chargers will win their last two and make the playoffs yet again.

3.) I don't care what the Kardashian's Christmas Card looks like. And yet it was highly sought after this week. So what do I do? I click on the link to see what the picture looks like. And what should appear to my eyes: A family picture of robots with no souls. Of course, that's saying robots do have souls, but that's an entire different argument. For Christmas, I'd like the Kardashian clan to go away, along with much of America. By that, I don't mean I want America to go away but that America is tired of these people that have no reason to be popular. It's probably partially my fault because I keep talking about them. That's my New Years Resolution. Stop talking about the Kardashians.

4.) Christmas songs have the power to make anyone happy. Or at least 4 men in their 30's driving around town in the middle of November. Let me set the scene. It's November 12 and Boise State has just lost to TCU. In the car ride to pick up some dear friends who have just witnessed the loss in person, I switch on the radio. To my surprise, Lite 107.9 has already started to play Christmas songs. To help take away the sting of BSU's undefeated season, my friends and I purposefully left that station on. We rolled down our windows and began to sing songs for all of downtown to hear. All we wanted to do was let the city of Boise forget the game. Unfortunately, the masses did not respond as we'd hoped. As it turns out, we were just four men in our thirties singing Christmas songs on November 12. Maybe I shouldn't have told this story.

5.) Surviving Christmas should be on television all year long. At least the first half of it. The movie is highly underrated.

6.) There is no snow in Boise yet. While many of you approve of this, I am highly disappointed. I like a good snowstorm now and then. Or at least a little on the ground for Christmas. Call me old fashioned.

7.) Elf is a great movie.

So, it appears that I fell five short of my goal. I hope to be back after the new year with some more blog posts. I'm sure I will have plenty to talk about after LSU and Alabama play the most exciting National Championship Game ever. I predict a final score of 3 to 0 in 6 overtimes.

Once again, Merry Christmas to all and to all...well, get drunk, drink too much egg nog, party with friends and family and have a jolly good time.

Rise of Technology

2011-12-03T12:59:00.001-08:00

We can all agree that technology has helped us out in many ways. At least I think most of us would agree. Without technology, I would be writing all of this in a composition book that I keep under my bed. Some people would call that a diary or a journal, but because of technology, I will call it a blog. Thank you technology.

As it goes, I am not going to go on an old man rant here in my journal (I mean blog). I simply am going to present a situation, give my thoughts on it, and hopefully see if people have feedback.

Let me set the scene. We have all seen cars broken down on the side of the road. Many of us have probably been there ourselves. Twenty five years ago, unless you were one of the few that had a cell phone or car phone, a person must wait on the side of the road until someone else stopped to help out or you could walk yourself to a pay phone.

Cell phones and other great marvels of technology have certainly made it a bit easier to call a tow truck or call a friend to pick you up. I think we can agree on that. My question is this: Are we as a society less inclined to help someone out because we automatically assume everyone has a cell phone? It is something that crossed my mind on the drive home from Elko. The drive usually has sparse traffic and can sometimes be a lonely four hour drive. The trick on that drive is, at least for me, very little cell phone reception. What if I was stranded? Would people pull over? Or would they assume I had help on the way?

I personally would like to believe that in today's world, people are still good samaritans and would at least still ask if you needed help. At the same time, with the world of social networking and such, we as a society are already losing the ability to communicate on a personal level. People might just drive past thinking that the stranded person has a cell phone, or a tow truck app or that the person updated their twitter to say "Stranded on freeway. Stupid tire blew. #IHateFlatTires". I don't know the answer and would like to hear what other people's thoughts might be. Has the idea of technology prevented people from being helpful in these situations or are the odds still good that someone will at least ask if you're okay.

Who knows, maybe I'm the only that has thought of this. In that case, I apologize for bothering you on this December 3rd and I'll just go back to keeping a journal.

'Til next time

J.

"Wherever you go, go with all your heart." - Confucius

A December update...

2011-12-03T12:33:00.001-08:00

I figured since I was looking to get back into the blog game a little bit, I'd follow up my first post in months (the genius of Craig James) with a little update of what has transpired in my life over the last year.

I'll start in April. I don't know if it was mentioned, but I made a return to the stage. I won't necessarily call it a triumphant return, but it was a return nonetheless. I was lucky enough to act in Alley Repertory Theater's production of The Farnsworth Invention by Aaron Sorkin. It was my first opportunity working with this theater company here in Boise and I must say, it was a joy to be acting again. I've always considered writing my first love, and it still is, but there is a huge part of me that still likes to perform and act when I get the opportunity. Sports were always a huge part of my life growing up and I see acting as that same chance to get up and feel the rush of performing for an audience.

As it turns out, this would be the first of many endeavors with the Alley Rep Theater Company. My good friend Aaron, who in March had been named director of the Alley Underground, decided in the early part of the summer that he wanted to bring me on as a Co-Director of the Alley Underground. At the point, we began the painful process of reading plays and making decisions on what to put up in our designated slot during the month of September. Keep in mind this was in May when we began the process of looking for plays. Let's just say the road was not bump free.

I will spare all of the details, but it wasn't until early August that we finally settled on a project. After 3 misses on our behalf, we finally settled on a project. It would be initially known as plan D, but we later re-named it Voices from the Boise Hole. It was an original play co-written by myself and the great Evan Sesek and it starred not only four local actors, but people that are all close friends. (For record sake, those people are Aaron Kiefer, Luke Massengill, Sarah Gardner, and Dakotah Brown). The process was quite taxing, as we were taking a play from inception to stage all within a month time span. Let me tell you, it was all worth it. The experience I had doing this show I will keep with me all my life.

Earlier in the summer, long before this show was an atom of a thought, my full length play Solace was given a staged reading at the same theater company. It was well-received, as far as I could tell, and it is my hopes that I will have a full production done somewhere by next summer.

Hmmm...That's right. I typed out my thoughts. Don't judge me... As earlier blog posts mentioned, my buddy Trevor was in town from L.A. making a feature film called Spray Paint Atlas. He shot much of the film throughout the Northwest, including a few weeks here in Boise. I was lucky enough to be given a small part in the film, which I am thankful for. I'm sure at this moment Trevor is deep in a cave somewhere editing his film and release it upon the world in no time.

I'm sure I forgot something, but all Christmas form letter... I mean updates... must end sometime. I am currently working on 2 plays and a screenplay. It's a screenplay I've been working on for years, but I usually only work on it around Christmas, so it's a slow process. All in all, things are good and I want to take this moment, because it happens so rarely, to thank all of the great people I have in my life. Without your support, love, fun, and beer, life would be much duller. I thank you.

Jason

Craig James: College Football Analyst?

2011-11-29T16:04:00.001-08:00

Dear Mr. James,

You sir, should not be paid to analyze college football. That's plain and simple. To vote a 10-1 Boise State team as 24th in the nation shows a lack of common knowledge about the game you are a so called expert in. To rank the Broncos behind a team with 5 losses and two teams with 4 losses, to put it simply, is not right. I could understand an argument in which you place them between 10 and 15, but in no way are they the 24th ranked team in the nation. You, sir, always speak about "body of work". So, because Houston is undefeated and their best win is against a 6-6 UCLA team, you believe it is fair to rank them in the top ten. Boise State, on the other hand, with a loss against the 19th ranked team and a win at 12th ranked Georgia, barely registers a top 25 vote for you. Your own argument fails to hold any water.

I realize the AP ballot has no effect on the BCS voting, and perhaps BSU has struggled to provide reasons to bust the BCS this year, but for one man to have this much disdain against a hard working team that cannot control the teams it plays week in and week out is uncalled for. Let's not forgot that Oklahoma lost to a Texas Tech team that hasn't won since that October day. Oklahoma St. just lost to Iowa State, a team that barely became bowl eligible with that win. Even Oklahoma's "great" early season win was against a Florida State team that finished 8-4. "Body of work" means nothing unless you play in the SEC; especially this year. Boise State has, over the last five years, continually proven that they can play with the big boys of college football. Mr. James, the teams you have ranked in front of Boise State with the four and five losses have not won a big game in years. Okay, maybe Texas, but they haven't been the same since Colt McCoy left. You and I can't control who college football teams face, but at least you have the opportunity to reward a good team with the ranking it so rightfully deserves.

As we all know, I am not a voter and I am a fan of Boise State. This school is my Alma mater and if they were undefeated still, I'm sure I would be up in arms about them being ranked #3 right now and not being able to play in the title game. As it is, we lost on that fateful November day, at home, and even I see that we don't have a chance at a BCS game. I am no Chadd Cripe of the hometown Idaho Statesman (Boise State, number 4 ranking), but I do believe that we are a top ten program. Let us not forget, that during the TCU game we were down our top 3 cornerbacks, our starting center, and our starting tailback. So, to rank a top caliber program this low because of one loss (to a ranked opponent) is just a disgrace to what you call sports journalism. In the words of one of your ESPN colleagues: "Come on, man!"

That is all, Mr. James. Unfortunately, I will be unable to watch the BCS countdown ever again. In fact, I will promptly turn off the television if I even see you appear on a program. Unless, that is, I see Boise State ranked in the top 12 again on your ballot. Of course, for that to happen, you'd probably rank 7-4 Texas number 4, based on their body of work. In that case, I'd say the Texas fans will be really happy. Hook 'em Horns!

Sincerely,

Jason

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."- Robert F. Kennedy

A Quick Thought...

2011-04-12T22:40:00.000-07:00

Was everyone really clamoring for "The Crow" remake?

If what I've just read is to be true, Bradley Cooper will soon be starring in it.

Really, Hollywood, Really?

Or maybe it's time to blame the general movie going audience that keeps flocking to all of these remakes and sequels. Certain movies deserve sequels. That much is true, but have the ideas in Hollywood truly dried up? Everyday I read about a remake or a re-imagining of a movie. There are original ideas out there, but I'm afraid Hollywood has become too much of a business to take risks on them. Even though the losses on these smaller, original movies would be considerably smaller than the big budget movies. Is it worth it to keep making these movies with a 140 million dollar budget that barely crack the 80 million mark? That's truly up to the audience and Hollywood to decide...

In the meantime, please support the indie artists that continue to attempt to put original ideas into the public's eye. If enough of these get made and do well, then maybe Hollywood will one day take a look at picking more of them up. With that said, before sure to read my previous blog for more information.

Jason

A Movie!!!

2011-03-26T12:09:00.000-07:00

Hey all, I'm taking a minute here to step away from my daily writing routine to talk about an opportunity for you and your friends. And no, I'm not talking about AMWAY...

My buddy Trevor is producing a film this summer. At the moment, he is currently looking to raise a little extra money to produce the film and that's where you, avid reader, come in. Just simply follow the link below and watch the trailer to decide for yourself. Trevor is a very talented filmmaker who grew up in the Boise area and any help would be much appreciated.

http://www.indiegogo.com/Spray-Paint-Atlas-1 (Sorry, there is currently a direct linking problem that I can't fix. The website is still good, though, so you'll have to go the old fashioned way.)

You can also check out the movie's website at: spraypaintatlas.com

Thank you all in advance. I'll see all on my next blog, in which I will figure out most of the world's problems. As for now, it's Spring Break!

J.

A few thoughts...

2011-03-02T18:15:00.000-08:00

"Some parents in California may be happy to kiss Ronald and his Happy Meals goodbye for good. A Washington-based advocacy group said McDonald's baits, exploits, and harms children by offering toys with its kid's meals, according to a lawsuit filed in the state courthouse in San Francisco last year. The Center for Science in the Public Interest sought class-action status on behalf of all of the state's children under 8 years of age who have seen Happy Meal marketing since December 2006."

This was taken from a report on the Yahoo Finance page that was exploring why Ronald McDonald is slowly disappearing from ad campaigns...The preceding paragraph talked about the healthy options available at McDonalds now and how unhealthy the happy meals used to be.

Why I certainly commend McDonalds for turning over a healthier leaf, are you kidding me about the lawsuits? Last I checked, it wasn't the eight year old kids driving themselves to McDonalds. It wasn't the children having the final choice in what was ordered for them at a fast food establishment. To these advocates and public interest groups in California, let me say this: Let's throw some lawsuits at these parents. Don't they as well "bait,exploit, and harm" their children by giving them the happy meals? Or using happy meals as a reward for doing something good? It is the rights of these parents and adults to give their children the food the eat. To make that choice is a freedom granted to us. No one ever led me to believe that a McDonalds happy meal is healthy, at least prior to 2006, so why would I be surprised if I found it they were unhealthy?

It's time that advocacy groups stop meaningless lawsuits that tie up our court systems. In the end, it is parents that make the call on what to feed their children and how much of it they get. We, as a nation, have found ways to educate consumers over the years. In that regard, I can see where advocacy groups are coming from. A class action lawsuit, thought? A monetary reward for kids under the age of 8, now 12 or 13? Chances are, if they win money, it's going right back to where it came from. A fast food joint. It is time to place responsibility and/or blame back where is belongs. To the parents. It is not McDonalds fault.

Just my thoughts...And I don't even like to eat at McDonalds.

Jason

February (Dot, dot, dot)

2011-02-21T22:21:00.000-08:00

Monday.

And I'm back. I needed to kick start myself into writing mode and somehow my blog crept into my brain.

So here I am.

It has been awhile, hasn't, online diary?

Here's a quick update: I have finished up a third draft of my full length play Solace. I had another reading in December and it went well. I appreciate the people that participated and the feedback that they gave. As it stands now, the play has been submitted to at least three places and I should be hearing back about at least one of those places in the very near future.

I am currently reading "Tropic of Cancer" by Henry Miller and listening to Ben Harper's "Waiting on an Angel" on ye old itunes.

You've been updated.

I set out to say a lot more, but the words did not feel right. I was going to delve deep down into the psyche that is my life, but somehow this medium is all wrong for that. Over the past few years of this blog, I have been on a journey and I have not yet accomplished my ultimate goal. I've spoken of plays, of mustaches, of bars, of lost loves, of deaths, of sports, and of pop culture in general. And yet, the struggling continues. (Of which I've also talked about.) I've missed the past, been scared of the future, and lived day to day. My eye is continually on the future, but my heart lives in the past. My brain is somewhere in between; trying to comprehend what it all means. At what point in life do I settle in and become what society wants me to be? A job, a house, a wife... Of course, those are all things that I do want, but there are things I want to accomplish and places I want to go before that can happen. By all means, things are good in my life, but in the end, I guess I do want what everyone else wants. I want a job doing what I love, I want a house of my own, and a woman that supports me in my decisions/career and I her. So in a way, I do want what society says I should have. I'm just taking my time and seizing each day as it comes along.

As it is, I know I am good person and a decent writer. I'm not going to bullshit about that. I'm not egotistical, it's just a quiet confidence I have. At some point, the work and the dedication to everything in my life (family, friends, writing, etc...) will be rewarded with the answers I seek. In the end, I am glad to be surrounded by the people I DO have, because they are my rocks, my inspiration, and my foundation. Without them, I know, my writing would suffer, as would my well being. And I thank you.

This turned out to be a little different than I'd expected. It's what's on my mind, I suppose.

James McClure passed away last week. He was the author of the very first play I acted in, Private Wars. I was also in his play Lonestar, which was one of my favorite times on stage. I can only aspire to write like he wrote. May he rest in peace.

Until the next time...

J.

August...

2010-08-19T19:40:00.000-07:00

As I sit here surfing the internet and watching as the Boston Red Sox fall further back in the standings, I realized it had been awhile since I've updated the trials and tribulations of the happenings of my life. Normally, I'd say brace yourself. Not today, though. It's a hot August day and the sluggishness is catching up to me. So, here we go...

I had a reading for my full length play "Solace" about a month ago. It was the first draft and I thank the people that read for me. The feedback you provided was useful, and with any luck (fingers crossed), the second draft will be finished this weekend and a second reading will take place. Stay tuned.

Since August has rolled around, many places are once again accepting submissions. As I speak, my short play "One Night Stand" is on route to a secret location. Within four to six weeks, I will know the result of said submission. As I've said before, stay tuned.

Other than that, the writing front has been quiet. Most of my energy has been spent working on the second draft of "Solace".

I did make it to L.A. for a short vacation. Thanks to the friends I was able to see out there. You are all good people and I appreciate your continued support. Even you, Richard Sankey, have my thanks. That was one delicious second supper you cooked that night. On a side note to that trip, I found a razor blade in one of my tires. Apparently I have very little luck with road trips and tires. I was a little upset at first, but I made it safely back to Boise, so I'm fine now.

A few tidbits on the world of sports and pop culture

Brett Favre: Yawn...

If you haven't watched "Friday Night Lights" (the television show), do yourself a favor and rent/buy/Netflix it now. It is by far the best show on television. I'd make you some sort of promise of giving you money if I'm wrong, but we all know I don't have that kind of money.

I still hate the Yankees.

Do we really need a "Total Recall" remake? I do believe Hollywood has officially run out of ideas, though "Inception" was pretty darn close to amazing.

Does anyone really think that Lindsay Lohan will be better after 2 weeks in jail and not even 30 days in rehab? Does anyone really care anymore? Discuss this at your next party...

I'm pretty sure "The Expendables" with Sly Stallone was number one at the box office only because of the tagline, "You'll have a mangasm"!

That's it, for now. 17 days until kickoff. BSU vs. Va. Tech. Be there. It's being televised in the 3rd dimension...

J.

JULY update

2010-07-07T19:27:00.000-07:00

A short update for the month of July.

I have finally finished the first draft of my new play "Solace". The first reading will be performed next week, in which my friends will proceed to hack it apart, thus creating an opportunity for me to re-write it.

Summer is a slow season for submissions, so not a lot has been sent out in the past month. Soon enough, though, the updates will be longer and I will let everyone know how that's coming along.

Now, if you excuse me, I have to go play World Cup Soccer on facebook.

Good-bye.

Seriously. I'm leaving now.

Peace.

J.

"Even the knowledge of my own fallibility cannot keep me from making mistakes. Only when I fall do I get up again." Van Gogh

Lebron James press conference: "I love money. Bottom line."

2010-07-07T19:21:00.000-07:00

On July 8th, 2010 at approximately 9:10 pm EST, Lebron James will announce to the world exactly what we've all been waiting for: That he loves money. That's right folks, the King of modern basketball does indeed love the greenbacks, the moola, and the gobs of cash that will come with the new deal he signs.

The King himself, Lebron James, even brokered a deal with ESPN to exclusively sit down and make his announcement on national television. As if the last few weeks of "Lebron tracker" wasn't enough, now the man has commandeered a cable channel to make his much anticipated announcement. Sure, the money used during this time to sell ad space will be donated to the Boys and Girls Clubs of America, which is a good thing, but really Lebron? You need to interrupt my prime time viewing of "Bethany Getting Married?" to make your announcement? (That is a question mark at the end of the title. As if to say we don't know that Bethany already got married. It happened months ago.) Lebron can't just make his announcement at 3 pm EST, like everybody else. He needs to do it in prime time because he is prime time.

Lebron, listen to me. I can call you by your first name because all I've heard about for the last month is your name. Every sports page leads off with coverage of you. I believe some sites even had a "countdown to Lebron's free agency" ticker on its page. So, Lebron, ignore the hype. Call the G.M. of the team you want to play for, tell them your decision, and let them make the announcement. The world, or people in your world I should say, is expecting you to be the King of prime time. Don't do it.

By the way, if you want to impress me Lebron, you'll go be a Los Angeles Clipper and show Kobe how a classy gentleman acts. At least you have fun with your teammates and make it rain with chalk. And that's why I'll take you over Kobe any day, despite your love of money and the spotlight. Be a man, go back to Cleveland (for a good amount of money) and win that championship for the city of Cleveland. If you leave, your individual records may be great, but in the end you'll only be known as the King of What Might Have Been.

J.

*In no way or form do I endorse the viewing of "Bethany Getting Married?" It just happens to be on once in awhile and you all know my love of bad reality shows. I've mentioned "It's Complicated" and "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" more than a few times in these page.

Futbol Rules the World.

2010-06-14T22:35:00.000-07:00

What's that Jason? You're here to talk about the World Cup of Soccer? (Yes, I'm American, so Soccer gets the nod in the blog. The title fooled you, didn't it?) Of course I am!

Here's what happened after the first weekend of the 2010 FIFA World Cup:

1.) There was a lot of passing of the soccer ball
2.) Of course, there were some ties.
3.) I'm pretty sure Germany set sort of record by scoring four goals. In one game!
4.) England's goalkeeper cannot possibly return to England.
5.) There was some more passing of the ball. This time from fullback to goalie.
6.) The Socceroos allowed four goals to Germany. In one game!

That's right, folks, soccer action is here to stay. It's not going anywhere. David Beckham is bound to rule this cup. (What? He's injured? Go figure.) Well, in that case, Freddy Adu must be starring for the U.S. team by now. I remember reading that he was the next Pele. That's when Adu was fourteen and featured in Sports Illustrated. (You gotta be kidding me. He's 20 now and not even on the team?) At least there's always the drug adled Diego Maradona. He will lead Argentina to victory! (Come on, that's not true. He's the coach? And overweight? What has soccer become?!)

Okay, I did watch the United States vs. England and was very entertained. I enjoy watching a game of round ball on the pitch from time to time. Especially during the World Cup, in which I'll actually sit through a full game, even if the United States isn't playing. And sense I've watched one full game plus parts of others, I figured it would be okay for me to chime in on the current controversy surrounding the Cup. Let me explain quickly and then I will disappear into the night.

The controversy surrounds the nice little instrument called a vuvuzela. And thousands of fans and players are complaining that it is ruining the game. As are commentators and fans watching from home. First off, to the fans at home, get over it. I watched the entire England/USA game and didn't even notice anything different than the normal buzzing and cheering that I normally hear in the background of a soccer game on T.V. I hadn't even noticed it until John Harkes mentioned it. Plus, I'm pretty sure soccer is game, that when televised, doesn't really call for announcers. Turn down the sound. Second, to the players, you are the top players in the world. Deal with it and play your game. And fans at the game, I'm sorry you can't do your normal, drunk chant about how good your team is. Maybe try something new. Sure, apparently this horn can reach 140 decibels, but the South Africans are proud of this horn, as far as I know. Watch the game and move on.

That is all. I felt because this vuvuzela is all I've heard about during the past few days, aside from the new, horrible ball being used (there's always something.) When in fact, for fans of the sport, they only want to hear about the games. Unfortunately, as with every sport, there is drama that comes right along with it. In the end, that's what today's casual fan looks for.

Into the night I go, to go buy my own vuvuzela and sound it until the morning dew is fresh.

J.

NBA Action: It's...yawn

2010-06-10T19:36:00.000-07:00

[WARNING: The following will certainly come across as an angry old man blog. Just imagine Clint Eastwood yelling at the kids to get off his lawn in "Gran Torino". That's how I am during these NBA finals, yelling at the t.v.]

It's 7:07 MST and the ball is tipped. Derek Fisher controls the tip and dribbles down the court. He passes to Kobe Bryant. Bryant drives, shoots, misses, and the whistle blows. 10 seconds into the game and we have our first whistle.

Okay, maybe it wasn't ten seconds into the game, but it's been very rare through these first four and half games that a minute hasn't gone by without the whistle being blown for a foul. Most likely, the call has gone against the Celtics; or at the very least, Ron Artest. It has gotten to the point where I can't even enjoy the game because every other time down the floor, one of the teams is whistled for a foul. The game is not fun when each of the teams has at least two of its starters on the bench.

This is a matchup the NBA wants (I say "a" because I'm sure most people wanted Lebron vs Kobe.) Two classic rivals, the Lakers and the Celtics, are meant to do battle without the refs blowing their whistle constantly. And that's not happening. It seems that every time the ball goes into the post, a foul is called and we are once again watching free throws. There is no flow to the game. Neither team can get into any sort of rhythm because of the constant fear that these grown men are going to start punching each other. While Ron Artest is playing in these games, no one is going to start a melee and start punching fans. This is not the late 90's when the Heat and Knicks would constantly battle it out in 80 to 78 slugfests. Let the boys play!

Generally, I agree with the rules changes that have implemented and that post play is called a little tighter. Except in these Finals, it seems to have the opposite effect. Fans are paying, or watching at home, to see Kobe and Gasol vs Pierce and Garnett. Pierce and Garnett have spent significant time on the bench, as has Kobe in Game 2. These three players have not been able to get into the flow of games when they get into foul trouble. While this is an age old adage in this sport, these are the NBA Finals and the refs have no right interfering with the game as much as they are. If the refs want to make an impact, maybe they could start calling traveling. Or carrying. As much as Phil Jackson complained about Steve Nash, the refs should take a look at Kobe. That guy palms the ball nearly every time he dribbles.

Most games during these Finals have also had their fair share of phantom calls. Or late whistles. At one instance in Game 3, Paul Pierce was called for a foul against Luke Walton at least 3 seconds after Walton had passed the ball. And Pierce was a good 3 feet away from Walton. Later in that quarter, Rajon Rondo's fingernail touched Kobe's elbow and Rondo was whistled for a foul. Or maybe Kendrick Perkins can be whistled for another illegal screen. Because Kobe's aren't certainly illegal, right? In that fourth quarter of game 2, Kobe continually set screens for Derek Fisher. You know how he set a screen? With his butt against the defender, much like he was boxing him out. I guess that's not an illegal screen. It's something I like to call the "Kobe" rules.

Now, these are just a few examples. And yes, they are all calls that have gone against the Celtics. That's because I root for them and play closer attention to what happens to them. We all know how it works...

For once, though, I am also making the argument for both teams. It's Lakers vs. Celtics. It's the long history of these two teams that makes this such an interesting match-up. Unfortunately, due to 3 men in zebra uniforms running around the court being whistle happy (late whistle happy, on most occasions), these Finals have been frustrating more than anything. They are not fun. And it's not because the Celtics are losing 2 games to 1 (it certainly doesn't help). It's because it's hard to sit back and watch a game when there is a stoppage in play every 2 minutes (of real time). The only way to fix it is for the refs to take a step back, let the big men bang a little bit, and watch the fun happen. Only then will these finals once again be fun.

Now, if you excuse me, I have to go watch the second half of this 45 to 42 barn burner. I thought I'd got my wish for a smoother flowing game, but two fouls were just called in the first minute of the second half. Ah, the NBA. Maybe one day you'll understand...

Jason

June

2010-06-07T22:04:00.000-07:00

Pushing two months now since I last posted. Not due to lack of creativity, mind you. I am currently on the cusp of finishing my first full length play since 2002. Sure, I've re-written "Poison" (my first full length) a few times, but this work is of a completely new nature. It is called "Solace" and it is my hope to have the first draft completed shortly and have a reading by the end of the month.

I felt an update was in order...I will return with regularly scheduled blogs in no time at all. There is plenty of fodder sitting out there just waiting to be commented on by the voice in Idaho. That voice is me. That fodder is "Jersey Shore". Discuss...

Jason

A Special Kind...Of Greatness.

2010-04-14T13:36:00.000-07:00

Years ago, when I was but a lad, I used to believe that life was made up of destiny, fate, and greatness. I truly believed that there was that one person in your life that could complete you. I believed that, despite not knowing what it was, I was destined for something special in this world. With hard work, sacrifice, dedication, and a little luck, I could achieve everything I'd every wanted in life. I was 23.

Where this feeling came from, I have no idea. Maybe I had romanticized all of those movies I enjoy and made them into something that translated into real life. I had faith, that in the end, a person could end up together with that special person they truly harbored after. That, despite the hardships, separations, disagreements, and general tomfoolery, fate would have in store for me what it did for these characters. Because of these movies, I truly believed that good people get the happy ending they truly desire; whether it be in love, in the life they desire, or both.

At exactly what point I lost belief in all of these things, it's hard to say. Maybe it was spending four years in L.A. and having nothing to show for it. At least in my career, that is. Sure, I spent a day on the Scrubs set and spent 12 fun filled hours shooting an episode of "The Gilmore Girls", but background talent doesn't really account for much, does it. Sure, I got my first starring role in a short film entitled "Just Add Meat". It was a small project that my friends and I put together that never made it from the film from which it was shot on. Needless to say, while there were certainly fun times, the entire time spent in L.A. simply added to a mountain of debt and the beginnings of a broken man.

I guess that's not entirely true. My hopes were high for coming back to Boise. My friends and I were going to take the city of Boise by storm. Except, as it always happens in life, things get in the way. New jobs, marriage, grad schools, and break ups inevitably throw down the gauntlet and win out in the end. Too much time is consumed talking about things instead of actually getting out there to face the rejection. These used to be reasons in the past, but now simply look like excuses for not taking risks.

Perhaps with aging that feeling of greatness slowly disappears. It seems like just yesterday my best friend and I promised each other that if we didn't find stability in our careers by the age of 30, we'd call it quits and find a nice, boring career. Sure, that promise was made after a fair amount of Miller Lite had been drank and we were standing on our porch in Burbank, but it was a promise nonetheless, right? Now, here I am, thirty one, and still fighting the good fight. And next month, he will be 30. So, in accordance with the Miller Lite pact of 2004, we must go our separate ways, right?

Not if we are still looking for that special "greatness" that we believed that's afforded to us. We will use that hard work, dedication, true grit, and a little bit of luck to find that niche in life. By the time I approached 30, I had given up on many of these things. I was too busy searching for marriage and settling down in a job I didn't like because I wanted to do what society dictated me to do. I settled for a girl that was never right for me. I gave up on my idea of greatness and fate and instead settled for simple and boring. Life was not the same for me. That was about two and a half years ago.

Perspective started to take place about a year and half ago. Events in my life had persuaded me to continue on and I found a thrill in the things I had once believed in. Despite the rejections and the obstacles, the little sparkle of hope once again returned to my eyes. I have chosen this life and am proud of it. It is definitely hard at times, but I'm finding joy in the little things that I had lost track of over the years. I continue to push on in hopes of finding stability in the destiny I have chosen for myself. Hopefully, with a little luck, hard work, dedication, and sacrifice, I can find those things in life that I've always sought out. Sometimes fate is a cruel mistress, but in the end people get what they deserve. Maybe I won't get that ending I've been searching for, but I know that without a fight, there is too much regret and too many "what ifs". That's what I've come to realize over the last year.

I do not give up that easily. I maybe be a dreamer, but sometimes the best dreams are the ones that eventually come true.

Jason

"The heart wants what it wants, when it wants it, or else it doesn't care." Emily Dickinson

April Update...

2010-04-12T18:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay, so I'm a little behind on my monthly update. Things have slowed down a bit over the past few weeks, but in all earnestness, it is starting to pick up again, at least on the writing front.

The personal update will have to wait; not that I ever divulged too much in that subject anyhow. I believe I gave a glimpse into that area of my life in the previous post and that, for the most part, is all that really needs to be said. Although I will say it's very hard not seeing that warm, caring smile that always made my day...

Any-whozzle (that's right, I put that word into a blog. Maybe that's why my writing has failed to take off), back to the topic at hand. And that topic is the world of writing. In relation to the topic from 2 sentences ago, I received yet another rejection letter. This one was from a theatre in Florida that was having a One Act festival in which 8 plays would be produced. Alas, mine was not selected. I sent in my play "The Last Hit", which apparently is running on its last legs. After I mailed it off, I of course remembered that was the same play I'd sent off to Louisville. I won't find out that answer until June, so I will keep everyone updated. If it's not selected, perhaps I will look into retiring "The Last Hit" and let it die a peaceful death.

As for the full length play "Poison" that I was attempting yet another re-write on, I have temporarily put that on the back burner. That's because for the first time in awhile, I have started a new play. It's a play called "Solace" and is still in the early stages, but so far 23 pages have been hammered out. It's a play I've had an outline on for awhile, so hopefully soon enough the first draft will be completed.

As for the fantasy novel, it is ready to be mailed out. Sometimes, though, in life, a person doesn't get paid often enough. So, with fingers crossed and baited breath, the manuscript will be on its way to New York by the end of the week. That is the plan. And then, as with every great plan, the end result is greatness. It's all in my new self help book entitled "Faking your way to Greatness". It will be available in stores in the year 2525. (If man is still alive.)

As I said, things have slowed down a bit but appear to be picking up some steam. I'll let you all know how things are progressing when my next update arrives sometime in May. As for now, go pick up Johnny Cash's posthumously released album "American VI: Ain't No Grave". It's very good and right now I'm listening to "For the Good Times", which is so far my favorite song from it.

J.

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places."-Ernest Hemingway [Farewell to Arms]

My happier moments are lost in you...

2010-04-04T15:49:00.000-07:00

It was once said that April is the cruelest month. And with the wicked weather we've been having here, I would have to agree. It is supposed to be the time of year when there is a sense of hope and rebirth amongst us all. Its a time when relationships bloom, when the weather becomes nice, and a good sense of renewal takes shape for all.

I'd like to say all of those things have happened in one moment of clarity for me, just this afternoon. Though the weather is still frightful, feeling more like November instead of April. And that is exactly the gloom I've been feeling in my life over the period of the last week. Sometimes, in life, you give your heart over to someone you love, despite the fear that comes along with it. And of course, then without cause or reason, it all comes tumbling down in a flash. You are left with a pain in your heart and ache in your stomach that you just can't shake. A feeling you've never felt before for anyone.

And these are the times in life where one usually looks back and searches for something they did wrong. A defining moment or moments that led to this ultimate feeling of betrayal. Except you can't find one. Which in turn makes the harsh reality even worse. The words are contradicting the actions, leading to even more of a altered state of mind. "Best friend. Best relationship. Best boyfriend." Three simple phrases that would lead one to believe the next words are of a loving nature, but instead you hear the complete opposite.

The self imposed isolation begins. The self pity builds and builds and you can't think of anything else but, "What's wrong with me?". Until one day, 10 days later, you are laying in bed and realize. "You know what. She's right." You were all of those things that she said. You sit back, despite the blowing wind and scattered snow, and realize that now is the time to snap out of it. If those words were brought forth from lies, excuses, or fear, so be it. The fear of love runs rampant in all parties, not just you. You believe those three phrases she said and believe in yourself. You open your blinds to let what little light there is into your house and put on that air of confidence that you never showed to anyone else but her.

You realize that life is good and you believe those three phrases because you know they are true. You know deep down that anything is fixable. All it takes is one call, one text, one word. Except you can't make that first step, if there is indeed that step to be taken. It must be her choice. And if it never happens, you realize that April is not the cruelest month. There are more important things because you have faith in who you are. It is indeed a time for renewal, and rebirth. Because its not you who is the one missing out on something great, something fun, something worth saving; its her.

Life is too short to be played from the sidelines. Sometimes, when happiness is staring you in the face, it's okay to embrace it instead of running from it. And with it, you find the people that deserve you and respect you for who you are.

Jason

"Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind."- William Shakespeare

Time Keeps on Ticking...

2010-03-23T18:59:00.000-07:00

The cursor repeatedly flashes on a blank screen.

It's those next words that are going to change the world. The phrase that will ultimately get the ball rolling on the next big thing. The project that will ultimately change my life forever. Except those words never come and the incessant flashing of the cursor is enough to drive one mad.

The mind is easily distracted. It can be distracted by the roaring of cars out the bedroom window, the cat meowing in the other room, the girlfriend laughing on the couch, or the sounds of Kirstie Alley's new television show blaring in the background. These are not obstacles, but moments stolen in time that I treasure. And I welcome all of these distractions because the cursor won't stop playing it's coy little game.

That's half the battle these days, putting the pen to the paper or the fingers to the keyboard. So much to experience in the world. So little time to cram it all in. The mind and the heart have troubling agreeing and forging ahead to their separate desires. Both want the ultimate goal of achieving perfection. The heart and the cursor are one in the same, flashing, beating to their own drum and trying to escape emptiness.

Yet they eventually do. The letters produce words and the words produce sentences. The heart beats rapidly, filling the void that was once created. The mind creates and feels the flow of the world that's being creating evolve around me. In this brief moment, the heart and the mind combine with desire and form the happiness that is truly sought.

The downside? Tomorrow is a new day and the process begins again. And for that, I'm truly thankful.

J.

"Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence." -Vince Lombardi

A thunderous downfall

2010-03-14T14:58:00.000-07:00

"They're using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn't they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody's talking about it and saying its Lindsay Lohan."

That is a direct quote from Lawyer Stephanie Ovadia to the New York post about the Etrade commercial that apparently is making fun of Lindsay Lohan. With this quote and impending lawsuit, the end of civilization is near.

Okay, maybe that's an extreme statement, but it's also extreme to sue a company for $100 million in damages. As a basic rundown, in case you haven't seen the commercial, a baby refers to a girl that called the night before whose name is Lindsay and she is a milkaholic. Therefore, using common sense, the commercial must be about Lindsay Lohan, right? (You could probably check out the commercial on YouTube. It was an ad that ran on Super Bowl Sunday.)

Of course not. To begin with, I personally have never liked these Etrade commercials with the talking babies nor have I found them particularly funny. That is besides the point. My point is what is the world coming to when celebrities need to sue for $100 million over a commercial that may or may not be making fun of you? Has Lindsay Lohan lost her sense of humor, if indeed Etrade was poking fun of her? Has Lindsay Lohan fallen this far in which she needs to sue a company over a commercial that barely uses the name Lindsay? The entire idea that everybody is talking about how the commercial is referring to Lindsay Lohan does not make sense. Sure, everyone is talking about it now, but not once in my circle of friends did I hear, "Did you see that Etrade commercial making fun of Lindsay Lohan? It's crazy." Not that my friends represent all of the world, but you think it would have been mentioned sometime before this lawsuit came out.

My anger over this has faded over the past few days, mostly because I shouldn't care as much. It's also because I've decided to sue the creators of the "Friday the 13th" franchise because it depicts people named Jason as murderous men who wear hockey masks. I'm sure I am entitled to millions of dollars because of the pain and suffering I've occurred over the years because people instantly run from me when they hear my name. I've been associated with this for too long. While I'm at it, I will research all other instances in which movies and commercials use my name in a derogatory manner. Therefore, I can acquire all of the money in the world and make my name synonymous with money, not murder.

We all know Ms. Lohan previously had an alcohol problem. We know how serious alcoholism can be. Just because a commercial refers to a baby named Lindsay that's a milkaholic does not mean they are referring to you, Ms. Lohan. Maybe all of the Lindsay's in the world can turn around and sue you for sullying their name. You have created havoc, traffic accidents, and have been in the news for alleged drug abuse and basically stalking your ex-girlfriend. Did you ever think that maybe those named Lindsay don't like to be associated with your name?

If this lawsuit moves forward and any sort of compensation is received, then there is something wrong with our judicial system. It will no doubt cause others to sue in response to movies, commercials, television programs, and celebrities that they think are making fun of them. All of this could happen because of one washed up celebrity that has lost touch with reality long ago. And that's truly the sadder of the situations. To most, though, it's another talented young celebrity that has become immersed in world of partying, rebelling, and drinking too much milk. Oh wait, now I'm confusing reality and fictional commercials again. I've got to stop that.

On the other hand, maybe Lindsay Lohan is right. Perhaps she is just a talking baby who enjoys a little too much milk and talks to other girls' boyfriends. In the end, that is much more of the truth than an Etrade commercial could ever depict. And for that, I'm thankful.

Jason

*I will not be suing the makers of "Friday the 13th" if they can produce the Golden Fleece from "Jason and the Argonauts". Everything can be settled with that.

Onward in March

2010-03-02T17:41:00.000-08:00

Normally I like to start off with something off beat and maybe a little funny. Not today. The writing bug has struck in other avenues, so today's update will be short and to the point. And maybe I've been playing too much SNAKE on Facebook to pay attention to what's going on in the real world. The game is addicting as it was ten years ago when I was playing it on my old NOKIA cell phone. As it were, I will end this first paragraph now because with that last sentence, I just dated myself.

Just over a week ago, I finally finished the editing process on my fantasy novel. Now, I will begin the process of shipping it out for the world to see. Okay, maybe not the world, but at least to some publishing companies and agents and the such. It's a start...

The audition for BLT's "Twelve Angry Men" apparently did not go so well. As it turns out, of the all the people that auditioned, I was only the 13th angriest. [On a side note, a cast member did drop out and I was asked to replace him. Alas, it was about two weeks too late and I was already onto another project.]

The other project of note does not involve acting, though I'm always on the lookout for my next acting opportunity. After visiting some websites of theatre companies, there are some accepting full length plays. With that in mind, I have decided to re-write my play "Poison". It was first produced in 2002 and has gone through a few writes, but the final product is still not quite up to my standing. I am currently working on a re-write with the idea that a reading can be performed in May. After that, a quick edit and then submission to said theatre companies. That is the plan for now, and I hope to follow that through.

As for other writing, I am constantly looking for places to submit and am just working on polishing my one acts and ten minute plays. My ten minute play "Pandora's Box" was not accepted into the Source Festival, as I did not receive an email before March 1st stating that the play was selected.

The long march continues...

Curling Tryouts...

2010-02-22T20:42:00.000-08:00

OPEN TRYOUTS:

Date: February 27, 2010
Time: TBD

It's awesome! Join today and get a free ice broom!

That's right, folks, it's the sensation that's sweeping the nation. It's the sport to end all sports. If you haven't guessed by the name of this blog, I'm talking about curling. And I'm looking to put together a super team that will take out those pesky Canadians. I am not looking for a team that will simply be "glad to be there". I want a team that is all business and goes for the kill, much like Shani Davis in speed skating. Curling is a very serious sport and I will need your utmost attention to training. The training will be 12 months a year, so if you can't be committed to Team USA, don't bother showing up. Curling is life.

To begin with, let me start out with what I do have for my team. I have already purchased some cool looking pants that we will all wear. Norway has already created their pants in honor of John Daly, the world famous golfer. I, in turn, have decided to one up way Norway. Sure, they might have a better team, but will their pants be designed in honor of the late, great Payne Stewart? I don't think so.

I have the ice brooms. Now I just need people that are good at sweeping ice. I'm not talking about people that can sweep a floor or sweep out the garage. While these are certainly good starting points, the ice can be a dangerous place, especially when you are sweeping it.

I need someone with a boisterous voice to yell out things like "Off!", "Left" "Harder", and "in the crotch!". Though it may sound like it, curling is not erotic. Unless, that is, you are in love with the excitement of two people running gingerly on ice while trying to sweep the ice in order for a rock to hit the center mark. If that's the case, then this truly is the sport for you.

I will need someone to withstand those raucous Canadian fans. They drove a Denmark Olympian to tears with their stomping and yelling. I cannot have an Olympian break down like that, unless it is on the podium for the medal ceremony. And that's only if we win gold. If you cry over the bronze, I'll give you something to cry about. There's no crying in Curling. And no crying in Baseball.

I have a them song for our entrance music. It's "We Will Rock You" by Queen. I don't even care if there is no entrance music for Curling in the Olympics. We will do it because we're the U.S.A. dammit and we have national pride. And that pride is for Curling.

Veronica has provided our team motto: "If Curling is wrong, I don't want to be right." I'll get some tee shirts made up.

Aaron has provided our team chant. It's "Get your rocks off".

Finally, I need one last thing for these open tryouts. I need someone to explain to me how Curling works. That would help immensely in our team's training.

And John Schuster, you blew it! Now we're going to lose to the Chinese. Thank you very much.

Jason

Long Toss

2010-02-17T20:07:00.000-08:00

Spring is in the air. You can almost reach out and touch it. Though it's still a month away, the early rumblings of spring are already creeping into the atmosphere. Unless you're on the east coast, that is. If that's the case, sorry about all of the snow. The fifty degree weather in Boise is quite nice, thank you very much.

The warming of the weather can only mean one thing: Spring Training is upon us. Pitchers and Catchers have been trickling into training camps, with the rookies and veterans close behind. Florida and Arizona are filling with baseball players and soon enough, the fans that rally behind their teams. A renewal of hope is in the air and all teams harbor dreams of hoisting that World Series trophy come October. And of course, my beloved Boston Red Sox are among them.

I am followed the Red Sox since their cursed year of 1986. The 1986 World Series is one of my earliest memories of watching baseball on television. I sat there in pain as that ball trickled between Bill Buckner's legs and allowed the winning run to score in Game 6 of the World Series. I barely remember the loss in Game 7, and like most of Red Sox Nation, for years focused on the untimely error that continued the curse of the Boston Red Sox.

This all ended in 2004, as the Red Sox finally won the trophy that had eluded them for 86 years. That included the monumental comeback from three games down to defeat the New York Yankees. 2007 added another World Series to the Red Sox lore and yet, here we are, clamoring for more.

That's why this season once again brings hope to Red Sox Nation. The hated Yankees have finally recaptured the title, and Red Sox fans are ready to renew the rivalry. With the additions of John Lackey, Mike Cameron, Marco Scutaro, and Adrian Beltre, the Red Sox seem primed to make another run at the pennant. The defense will be improved, and the offense should provide consistent run support for the rock solid pitching staff. With Victor Martinez on board for the entire year, this team could be a lock for the playoffs. In the spring, anything is possible.

That is what I like about this time of year. It brings me back to a time in which I enjoyed the thrills of baseball starting. Of course, playing baseball in February and March in Spring Creek, NV hardly evokes the idea of warm weather baseball. Tryouts were held in the gymnasium and most of the first weeks of practice were also held inside. Games were sometimes played in weather with a wind chill that made the weather near 20 degrees. Snow flurries would often occur in those games, with snow sticking to your cleats with every step you took. Trying to run around the bases was like running with two lead boots attached to your feet. Let's just stay those are the memories that are ever present, but not really missed.

It's when that weather hits the 60 degree mark and I just feel the urge to throw the ball around. To feel that same feeling I had when I stepped onto the field for that first time every spring. The birds chirping off in the distance as the metal spikes echo on the parking lot pavement. It's that feeling in March that makes me want to get out on the field, grab the brand new ball, throw on a mitt, and proceed to make that game of long toss. To take batting practice and feel the line drive that you just tore into right field. (Maybe my swing was a little slow, but it still made solid contact).

Spring brings the refreshing feel of new hope. Along with it comes the new baseball season, the freshly cut grass, and the slightly askew chalk lines. Every year, when the weather warms, and a slight breeze blows in the air, these are the memories that creep back into my mind. The road trips, the chatter in the dugout, and the hours of grounders, fly balls, and sprints. It brings me to a place in which I wish I could step onto that field one more time and take my rightful place at first base or right field. Those are the memories that often pop up when this time of year rolls along.

Mostly, I suppose, I miss the days of a lost youth that aren't so easily forgotten.

Aah, February...

2010-02-15T16:45:00.000-08:00

It's Presidents' Day. That means only one thing. There is a "V" marathon on the SciFi channel. Oh wait, I forgot to be hip and correctly spell the name of the channel. It's SyFy now. I've got to learn to get that straight.

For the record, so there is no more confusion, I'm talking about the original "V" that aired in the early 80's. While the acting in this movie leaves a lot to be desired, the story line isn't actually too bad, though I think the special effects are bad, even for their time. Of course, I was only five or six at the time it originally aired, so I can't really complain. It was good back then and it's even more awesome now. Plus, it stars the Beastmaster himself, Mr. Marc Singer.

I've been silent the last two weeks, but that was mostly to revel in my prediction of of the Saints beating the Colts in the Super Bowl. (OH! When the Saints..., 01/27/10) Now, if only I can use my superpowers to win big at the casinos and on my scratch tickets, life would be perfect.

This won't be much of a blog that deals with the same subject. I throw that out there as a fair warning, though I do hope you read on with reckless abandon. Here are just a few thoughts and musings of mine.

John Mayer can't seem to stay out of the news these days. And it's not really due to his music. For those of you that aren't aware, he made some pretty racist comments in a recent Playboy interview (I recommend going to Google, typing in John Mayer, and any number of links will take you to the said comments.) I have an idea for you, old pal. Simply take a step back from the media, maybe even get off of your twitter, and maybe hit the studio again. Then you can release some new music. Remember music? It's the reason you got famous to begin with.

The Winter Olympics are currently...

That's right. The Winter Olympics are currently underway. Two weeks of Bob Costas talking about bobsleds, figure skaters, and Nordic Skiing. Very entertaining.

It's the slow time of the year for sports. Let's see, this weekend had the NBA All Star game and the Super Bowl of Car Racing, the Daytona 500. First off, the NBA All Star game features even less defense than a regular NBA game. While there are some pretty explosive dunks, the game usually has little else to offer. Last night's game came down to the wire, though both teams kept fouling in the last seconds in hopes of avoiding overtime. You know, don't want the fans to get cheated with some overtime and free basketball. Not that I won't really complain, because I didn't even watch the game.

As for the Daytona 500, I will always contend that this is not a sport. While I applaud these gentlemen driving really fast around corners, I will state that turning left for three hours does not make you an athlete.

The new, final season of "Lost" premiered a few weeks ago. You can read my thoughts on this from an earlier blog. (My own personal LOST finale, 01/13/2010). I would like to thank the creators of "Lost" for at least answering a few of our questions. And for bringing back the greatest character of them all, Arzt.

Well, so much has happened over the past two weeks, I simply cannot cover all of the things I'd like to discuss without going on forever. I mean, who has the time with a new season of "Tool Academy" underway. Which reminds me, it's good to see that MTV finally dropped the word 'music' from their logo. Now, their sellout to the world of reality is complete. I'm surprised they haven't started the MTV Reality TV awards yet. But you wait. Just you wait...

J.

A little something, something...

2010-02-02T18:45:00.000-08:00

I'm going to take a little trip down memory lane. The year was 1999. Or possibly 2000. The exact year is not important, though, so I will not dwell on it. I had just seen a play at the Stagecoach Theatre in Boise, Id. Somewhere, in this play, appeared Ty Cobb. And it was greatly mentioned that he kept with him a "son of a bitch" list. Like many players in his time, Cobb could cuss up a storm. Except in his case, he probably meant this list to be true.

So, in my small time genius thinking, I decided that I too would have a "Son of a Bitch" list. Mine was harvested from personal feelings and occurrences in my life. It was developed shortly after this play and added on for a few years after it. Here, now, I release the original "Son of a Bitch" list. (In no particular order)

1. The New York Yankees
2. Regal Entertainment Group (Which ironically I would work for four years)
3. Mr. Wendy (The Wendy's Spokesman)
4. Paul McGee and Scott Huntsman (for reasons I forget, but it wasn't personal)
5. The guy that crashed into my car
6. Bill Buckner (For 1986)
7. NBA Live for the N64 Consoles (Thank Aaron and his Superman theme for that)
8. The people that brought us "Battlefield Earth" and "Freddy Got Fingered"
9. Loews Cineplex (for my friends and I losing the greatest jobs on earth)
10. LA Lakers
11. Walmart
12. The sailors who led the mutiny on the bounty
13. The State of Alaska (better known as the Ice Planet of Hoth)
14. Paris Hilton
15. Pedro Martinez for not wanting his world series ring
16. Christine (For stealing our chairs)
16a. Whoever sold us out and told Christine where we live)
17. Aaron Paul
18. Danny Cerullo for saying that it wasn't Buckner's fault
19. Grady Little

So, as it turns out, Aaron recently mentioned that I should update the list. It had been at least 6 years, after all. Tonight, I have decided to appease that request. Some things dropped off, like Bill Buckner. I think that two World Series wins abdicates at least from this list. Others have faded away with time, and will always be on the list in my heart.

Without further adieu, a list for 2010
[Keep in my mind, this list could go on forever, but I've narrowed it down]

1. The New York Yankees (This one is always number 1)
2. NBA Live for the N64 console
3. Jeff Zucker and the people that screwed over Conan.
4. The lady who totaled my car.
5. The Burger King guy. You know, the creepy king from the commercials.
6. The New York Jets and Rex Ryan.
7. The Creators of LOST for messing with my mind for six years.
8. Jay Cutler
9. The LA Lakers (mostly Kobe Bryant)
10. People who actually ENJOY Heidi and Spencer
11. Blake (Because of his addiction to success)
12. Any studio that ruins my childhood memories by re-making movies.
13. GEICO for those stupid stacks of money commercials.
14. The people who closed down the IRON GATE

There is just a glimpse into my mind. And the beginning of a new era.

Jason

February Update

2010-02-01T20:38:00.000-08:00

Happy Groundhog's Day Eve everyone! I'm currently preparing for the event with a cup of tea and some Regina Spektor. That's the only proper way to celebrate the coming of the animal that has predicted the end of winter for ages. Of course, it seems odd that a mayor has to pull the ground hog out of its home and lift it up to the sky to see if it sees its shadow. I mean, couldn't the end of winter just be judged on if the sun is out on February 2nd or not? It would seem a lot simpler than going through the hassle of dressing up a man in funny clothes and then holding a small animal named Phil. The weather man could do all of this on any day of the week.

As I carefully prepare myself for Groundhog Day and the season premiere of LOST tomorrow night, I decided to take a few moments and write down an update of my life over the past month. The first month of the year has already flown by so let's get started.

The fantasy novel has about 90 pages of editing left. The process was really hit and miss over the last month, but I've tackled a lot over the last week. With any luck, the editing portion will be done by the middle of this month. I have a few options has to where to send, but on a whole, the places that accept unsolicited manuscripts are limited. I can also go the literary agent route, which I plan on exploring. There is also the chance of self-publishing, which I will wait and delve into until some of my other options have been exhausted.

The full length play I've been working, with a USA working title of "Midnight" is still a slow process. I've been putting a lot of my energy into the fantasy novel, but my hopes is that I can pick it up at full pace again this week. We'll see.

As it always is with me, I have other writing projects that I like to work on. It is in my interest, though, to tackle these two aforementioned ventures and finish up work on them before diving back into something else. If I can't get any forward momentum on "Midnight", then I do believe I'll return to the task of re-writing my first full length play, "Poison." Copies of the first re-write are available for viewing. Just email me at shadowhunting1@yahoo.com and I'll see about sending you a copy. [At least I hope I have a typed copy still. My computer has crashed a few times over the years and various disks have been lost. Send my an email and I'll let you know.]

I'm currently reading "Manhunt" by James Swanson. It's a definite recommend if you are a fan of history.

I am going to try to get back into the acting scene. I will be auditioning for "Twelve Angry Men" coming up this weekend. It's nothing too fancy, just looking to get back into the circuit again. Or for the first time in a few years, for that matter.

That's just a brief journey for the month of January. Now, I need to go get started for the evening. Plus, Third Eye Blind is now playing on my itunes, so I need to sit in the dark and stop typing to fully enjoy their sweet, soothing sounds.

Jason

Oh! When the Saints...

2010-01-27T21:49:00.000-08:00

FLASHBACK

Approximately this time last year, or perhaps a day after the regular season ended, I told a few friends to watch out for the Arizona Cardinals. To them, this was a laughable notion. The Cardinals had just floundered during their last remaining games and were hardly looking like a playoff team. I was going to look like quite the fool when they lost handily in their first playoff game. Instead, we all know the end result, albeit it wasn't quite what I had hoped for. The Cardinals had the Steelers right where they wanted them, but just didn't quite have enough left on defense to complete their Super Bowl run.

Now here we are again, about ten days away from the Super Bowl. While I didn't have a non-trendy pick this year (Sorry Jets fans, I thought they'd lose in the first round), I am making a Super Bowl pick that most people are shying away from. I'm not telling you to take your money to Vegas or to your bookie (I know I won't. I haven't spoken to my bookie in years.), but I will tell you right now that the Saints are going to win. I'm not going to say by how much they will win, but I will give you a few ways/scenarios/reasons that they will win. And I guess if they don't, I will be ridiculed forever and it can be blamed on the "curse of the Jason Haskins blog."

The Saints will win in a shootout. That's the most obvious answer, right? The problem is, the Colts are a ball control type of team with their dinking and dunking type of passing came. Sure, they throw the occasional big play in there, but for the most part, it's about Peyton Manning being efficient. The Saints will need to play the same type of game to keep their defense well-rested. In a shootout type of game, the Saints will certainly put up points, but will their defense have enough in the tank to hold off of the Colts. In this scenario, the team with the ball last will win the game. I'm putting my money on the Saints to have the ball last.

With two weeks off between the Championship games and the Super Bowl, Sean Payton will have plenty of time to game plan for the Colts. He's going to find a way to wear down this Colts defense. The defense is solid, with Freeney, Mathis, and Bethea, but is the depth there to be able to handle a track meet? That's what Coach Payton needs to figure out. As for Defense Coordinator Gregg Williams, he has a lot on his plate. The Colts have tons of weapons and seem to have found a little life in their running game. You know he's going to try to hit Peyton Manning the way they hit Tom Brady, Kurt Warner, and Brett Favre this year. If Manning holds up, the Saints will have to hope Manning makes a few mistakes (see game vs Chargers in which he threw 6 picks) and they can capitalize on that. A good coach can find these weaknesses with two weeks to prepare. I'm not saying that Jim Caldwell isn't a good coach, but often in these situations, the underdog is more beneficial of this extra week.

Two words: Reggie Bush. I'm not a huge fan of this guy, but he loves the spotlight. He wasn't overly exciting in the NFC Championship game, but the week before he was lights out. The man can do everything, and given the opportunity and the creases, the man is phenomenal. If the Reggie-Train gets out of the station, watch out.

Just a few thoughts about the big game coming up. Sure, Vegas has the line starting out at the Colts favored by 5, but Vegas has been known to be wrong from time to time. I mean, look at the Patriots vs Giants of '08 and the Patriots vs Rams of '02. Both times, the clear favorite was upset. And just for the record, I believed the Patriots would win both of those games. So take my prediction as you will...

Saints 31 Colts 24

J.

It has come to this...

2010-01-20T21:40:00.000-08:00

There is nothing on television and I'm currently enjoying some sort of Opera singing show on PBS. That's right. It's like "American Idol" but for Opera singers. I've got my money (all $3.11) on the very polite African American gentleman. I would have taken those odds to Vegas, but my lovely girlfriend stopped me. No, really, you don't get it. She has physically held me back from leaving the house in order to go place this bet. "It's a sure thing," I told her. Unfortunately, she remembers the last time I told her that betting was a sure thing. I'd had too many jack and cokes and long story short, I ended up on bus in downtown Vegas wearing only my boxer shorts. So of course, in the end, she wins out.

Tonight's blog can simple be filed under the tagline: "Heidi Montag: Role Model to no one."

-The channel has been changed and we're now watching "The Real World: Washington, D.C.". This only reminds me of the new hit show on MTV. I'm sure you've all heard of it. It's called "Jersey Shore" and it's quite possibly the greatest piece of bad television to ever hit the airwaves. The finale is on Thursday night (I don't know the time. I'm not a tv guide and I'm not pimping for MTV). Go check it out. Every episode is simply about drinking, partying, fighting, and fist pumping. Fist pumping is not what you think it is. Unless you think it's pumping your fist in the air while dancing. Then you're spot on. This move is sweeping the nation. Like the 'Urkel'. Even the great Michael Cera hung out with the cast and had himself made over into a Guido. "Jersey Shore" is sweeping the nation. Hop on this train and learn all about "The Situation". That's a dude's self proclaimed nickname, just as a FYI. Believe me, you will be sorry if you don't watch.

-Speaking of being sorry if you're not watching, be sure to catch the last few episodes of "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien". Barring some last minute reprieve and NBC pulls it's figurative head out of its figurative ass, Mr. O'Brien will be leaving the network very shortly. Eight months is not quite the run he was expecting. And before you argue that his ratings stink, think about this. Jay Leno is drawing lower numbers than "Law and Order", which is leading to lower numbers for the nightly news, which is turn finally leading to lower numbers for Conan. Except in the Boise, ID market. For some reason, they love Jay Leno. The man is like Brett Favre. Jay Leno announced his retirement in 2004. NBC had to appease him at the eleventh hour because suddenly he didn't want to retire. Now, he comes out and says he never wanted to retire in the first place. Leno claims NBC forced him to retire. Sounds like a great company to work for.

-I couldn't think of a clever segue for this one, but I'm going to jump into the sports world. Hey, San Diego Chargers, thanks again for ruining a perfectly good January. There are now three certainties in life: Death, Taxes, and Nate Kaeding choking in the playoffs.

-And Jets fans: Mark Sanchez is not that good. This is the same guy that had six interceptions in one game. He's simply playing Joe Flacco football and we've seen how that's ended the last two years.

-Mark McGwire admits he did steroids. Yep. I'm still in shock. Oh well, at least Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens never did any thing like that. Thank good that the sanctity of the game is still in tact.

Well, my job has been accomplished. I'm now ready to start some writing. No, I don't know the winner of "Opera Idol" yet, but the performances are very riveting. I'll keep you updated.

Jason

My own personal LOST finale...

2010-01-13T20:55:00.000-08:00

February 2nd, 2010. After all of these excruciating, mind bending years, the first episode of the final season of "Lost" will finally air. This has been a long time in waiting. We all sat through Season 2 and endured the idea of flash forwards and time traveling. Well, some of us gave up, it was bound to happen, but that's besides the point. We have all arrived. Together. We lived through the seventies. And the fifties. We also survived polar bear attacks and black smoke monster. Oh wait, I'm confusing real life and the show I've been watching on television for the last few years. I'll try not to let it happen again.

In lieu of the final season, I have decided to give six different scenarios in which "Lost" ends its T.V. run. These are not scientific by any means, though I did take a Gallup Poll and the results have a +/- margin of 99 percent.

6.) Keeping it simple here. This one has been discussed many times over Bud Light and Rum and Cokes with my friend Cornbread: The people on the island are all robots. And not sex robots, as Josh would want. Just regular old robots.

5.) Turns out, Hurley really has been imagining the entire island for the last six seasons. The reasons for flash forwards and flashbacks was because Hurley has trouble telling as story.

4.) Of course, the theory of good vs evil and religion vs science has been tossed around the internet for years. And I'm sure that will play into very much. As it were, the finale ends in a very similar fashion to the closing credits of "Men In Black". As the final minutes close, we learn that the island is purgatory. And as the camera pans out, it turns out the island is just a snow globe and God and Satan have been arguing over the snow globe the entire time. Interesting, maybe. Ground breaking: indeed!

3.) The butler did it.

2.) Charles Widmore, as "Lost" fans know, is very rich. He has become quite bored with the normal rituals of a wealthy lifestyle, so he decides to buy the island where his nemesis Ben lives. Widmore, who enjoys the thrill of messing with people's environments, constantly brings new people to this island to watch them hunt each other in a survival of the fittest type atmosphere. He watches all of this on a giant LCD T.V. back in jolly ol' England. Widmore's money even has found someone to invent time travel in order for the game to be more interesting. He likes placing random people in his human zoo. It's much like the movie "Surviving the Game" starring Ice T, Gary Busey, and Rutger Hauer. Except Widmore is no Rutger Hauer and "Lost" would have been a lot cooler with Gary Busey.

1.) As an Evil Locke chases Jack, Sawyer, and Kate off the island, the four are suddenly transported to the city of Boston. The chase across the city involves helicopters, cars, and motorcycles. Bloodied and bruised, the three heroes reach a building that has steps leading down to a bar. Light illuminates from the area below so with Locke close on their tale, the three run down the stairs. The front door of the bar says Cheers and the three began to pound on the door. Sam Malone, the bartender, simply says, "Sorry, we're closed." He gives a slight wave and as the screen goes black, all we hear are the jackal like screams of Locke.

So there it is. I hope one of these endings suits the never-gonna-be-satisfied needs of all the "Lost" fans out there. Stay tuned next week when I give my five ideas for the finale of "Kath and Kim."

J.

*I just found out "Kath and Kim" was canceled a few years back. One of my researchers will be fired because of that. I apologize.

Some free time...

2010-01-13T13:34:00.000-08:00

Out of sorts with this distorted reality called life. Sleepwalking through the day with no direction except 5 P.M. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. The minutes move slower and slower with each passing moment. And people think that the Doomsday Clock moves slow.

Being a writer is a painful, slow career. The papers, notepads, and composition books sit piled in the corners of the living room. Boxes are filled with un-realized stories and incomplete thoughts. The dust on the rustic ink on the paper is now covered with cat hair and tears from shattered dreams. Paper crumbles in my hand and I think, "Did Shakespeare have to deal with this?"

Not that I'm comparing myself to Shakespeare by any means. Was he really that popular in his time? Did he even really write all of his own material? I don't ask these questions, but other people do. I'm just a writer. Besides, I'm pretty certain Shakespeare didn't have to deal with publishing houses, agents, talent managers, and movie studios.

I have chosen this path. The path did not choose me. Or did it? I suppose it depends on if you look at it from a philosophical or religious point of view. I won't dive into that argument today. I could have left the writing far behind me long ago. I could have went for the "safe" life. The life that society guarantees me a steady job, a wife, a house, and a family. Because that's certainly how life works, right? If I had chosen to follow the career path of lawyer or accountant, which my initial choices in Community College were, would I be in a better place? Let's just stay that society guarantees nothing.

I am not in a bad place. I have chosen this path. (Didn't I just write that sentence? That could explain a lot about my writing). The path I have chosen is slightly off the beaten path. I've had fun, though. I've experienced things many people don't see. And friendships that have endured for years. I want to continue to find new experiences and build on these friendships. The path is a good one and yet you say "A writer?". In this day and age, it's still entirely possible with the right amount of luck, determination, skill, and hard work. I can find the career in which I desire. I'm not asking for fame. I don't want that burden.

The daily tasks continue. The staring at the computer screen. The pen drying from lack of thoughts. The play that can't move past page 32. The play that's been stuck in place since 2001. Editing a fantasy novel that keeps expanding, but never ends. The query letters. The sending of plays to theaters in the Midwest that I've never heard of. It's all part of the process. A process, though harrowing and defeating, will all be worth it in the end. Time to go write.

Or maybe I'll just go watch "Jersey Shore".

Glory in the Desert

2010-01-06T22:48:00.000-08:00

I'm going to start off very simply: BSU 17 TCU 10.

At this point, two days after the fact, I'm hoping that much didn't blow your mind. The 2010 Fiesta Bowl was once again a shocker to anyone that isn't a Boise State Bronco fan. In fact, I would say that even this year, even a few of the fans were caught off guard. With a team represented by only four seniors, this magical run was supposed to be a year away. Sure, we'd have a good team, but nothing like this, right? Well, it happened. And in true Boise State form, it just had to happen in dramatic fashion.

Today, I'm not here to necessarily talk about the game. I can't possibly add anything about the game that hasn't already been stated by thousands of professional writers and non-professional bloggers. Some columnists out of Texas are making excuses on as to why TCU lost. Mark May probably still thinks the victory was a fluke and would vote TCU higher than BSU in final poll. That's all besides the points. I've ranted before on the lack of respect that Boise State gets, so I will save that for a different day.

No, my friends, today I am here to tell Bronco Nation one thing: Let's keep the hype down to a whisper. It's only January and there's already a roar of a National Championship discussion for next year. That's a good 8 months until the first game of the 2010-11 season. We all know what happened last time this much hype surrounded a Boise State team.

Think about: A quarterback entering his junior season with Heisman dreams. A ton of returning players. An early season road game with a highly ranked team from the East Coast. The result: A humiliating loss at the hands of the Georgia Bulldogs.
Let's not rush to a lot of judgments before the smell of this year's hard work has even left the locker room.

Of course, I believe this team will be a lot more seasoned than the previous one mentioned. We have a much smarter head coach and quarterback. With the team we have returning, it certainly is a good thing to have lofty aspirations as fans. Let's just not set them too high before spring practices have even begun. We need to hope the other teams in the WAC can continue to step up their play. For Boise to even be considered as a National Championship contender, we need Nevada to stop getting throttle by SMU in bowl games. Congrats to Idaho for at least helping make the WAC a respectable .500 in bowl games this year.

To even think of a National Championship, Boise has to get that first win under their belt. It's a long road to the perceived Championship that Boise is clamoring for. If, of any year it can happen, it will be next year. With a perceived top ten ranking and a higher strength of schedule, anything is possible. Hype is a big thing and it sure helps the Fiesta Bowl was once again the talk of the college sports world over the last few days. Whether it be predictions by Yahoo! columnists (Dan Wetzel, Jan. 5th)or rabid fans commenting on message boards, the hype is on the rise. Let's just keep it cool and enjoy this Fiesta Bowl for what it was: a hard fought victory in which the 2009-10 team completed a 14-0 season and possible top 3 final ranking. We'll worry about the rest when Mark May tells us to.

Jason

A New Year...

2010-01-03T18:19:00.000-08:00

I want to hold 'em like they do in Texas please...Those are just a sampling of some new lyrics I've been on.

Okay, you got me. Those are lyrics as sung by Lady Gaga and written by, well, it looks like Lady Gaga. I could never come up with such a clever hook to an exciting song like that. Or the hit "Tic Toc" by Keisha for that matter. Just a great song that really makes me enjoy today's pop music more and more.

All of this is off topic, my friends. Today I'm simply here to give you a quick update on my writing. I will try not to talk about "Jersey Shore", for it seems every entertainment source cannot go a day without mentioning this deplorable show. It's like the new "Twilight".

December was a slow month for submission opportunities. I did receive my screenplay "Paranoid Gods" back from the Nevada Film Commission. Though it was not accepted as the grand prize winner for 2009, the feedback was fairly positive and I hope to attack a re-write later this year and submit it to some agents. I scored generally higher in most categories than my last screenplay, and my dialogue was rated exceptionally high. This is all considering that I don't like to talk much at all. I came away from this response feeling better overall than I did with my last screenplay I submitted.

It will still be at least four to six months before I hear any response on my ten minute play that I submitted to various theatres late last year. I am currently working on a full length play that I hope to possibly produce later this year. I'm shooting for a mid to late summer production, but we'll see how the lay of the land plays out.

As for the fantasy novel, the editing/proofreading process is coming along slowly. I have located a few publishing houses that accept unsolicited scripts and have also found some places that help with self-publishing. Hopefully, by this time next month the proofreading with be complete and the first manuscripts will be sent out. My proverbial fingers are crossed. (I don't cross my real fingers).

That's just a quick journey through my mind. I lost a fair amount of money on fantasy football this year, so if you don't see me about town as much, it's because I'm licking my wounds from my less than stellar bank account. In the end, the more time I spend at home, the more time it gives me to write. And catch up on episodes of "Brooke Knows Best", "Tough Love", and "Keeping Up with the Kardashians". You know, because I had know idea before watching that show that one of them was pregnant, one of them married Lamar Odom, and Kim is on again/off again with Reggie Bush. Oh wait, yeah I did. Because I have the internet and every E! talks about it all of the time. Why do people even watch "The Kardashians" anymore? It's "news" before the episode even airs. I could go on for hours about reality shows and I at least count my blessings that Heidi and Spencer have seemed to fall off the radar for the time being.

Until we meet again...

J.

'Tis the season...

2009-12-23T20:20:00.000-08:00

Over the past few days, I have spent numerous hours on how to fill this blog space. I knew that I wanted to post a new blog, but the ideas in my head were countless. The two choices I narrowed it down to were quite simple. First of all, because countless magazines, websites, and television shows are doing it, I was going to do a decade in review. Of me. Then I got to thinking that was far less interesting then recounting all of my New Year's Eve memories from the last decade. Of course, I couldn't remember for the life of me how I spent the end of 2002 going into 2003, so that list wouldn't be complete. I know I was living in North Hollywood and staying on the couch of my good friends Greg, Missi, Ben, and Misty. That's about how far my memory got. So either it was a really good one or a really boring one. I'll let you, valued reader, decide what happened that New Year's Eve and fill me in later.

Where is it, then, have I decided to lead you today? Well, to be honest, I've decided to lead you absolutely nowhere. The decade has been eventful, with college graduation, moving to L.A., being on "Scrubs", Christmas in Burbank, Christmas in Canoga Park, meeting Todd Zeile, going to Ireland, moving back to Boise, performing in a comedy group, writing plays, friends passing away, weddings, romance, intrigue, and adventure. Who didn't experience that, right? Seems like a pretty standard decade. So, today, in true Christmas fashion, I've decided to write what I hope is the first Christmas Blog Form Letter. I hope you enjoy.

Dear [INSERT YOUR NAME HERE]

Greetings all. I hope this time of year finds you and your [FAMILY, LOVER, FRIENDS, PETS] doing well and enjoying the holiday spirit.

I myself have had a fair year. I am currently about to finish my third year at the bank. The pay is good and it pays the bills. Before you even ask, the answer is no, I am not a published writer yet. I'm a trying very hard and constantly submitting plays, screenplays, and my novel, so please get off of my back. Just because you have [1 KID, 3 KIDS, 4 DOGS] and a vacation home in [FLORIDA, CALIFORNIA, GARDEN CITY] already, it's no reason to judge me. I'm doing just fine.

Life in Boise is good. I have a wonderful girlfriend who I care for deeply. Also, she has not made me watch "New Moon" yet, though I fear that day is fast approaching. We have been dating for nearly 7 months now and it's good to have her in my life. Unlike you, valued friend, who only talks to me [ONCE A MONTH, ONCE A YEAR, NOT SINCE COLLEGE]. Come on, seriously. I thought we were friends. So you've moved to [LOS ANGELES, NEW YORK, PARMA]. With friends like you, I guess, who needs friends.

I took two vacations this year. I went to Simi Valley for a wedding and to California for a family gathering. I guess I took three days of vacation, if you count five days in Las Vegas a vacation. My good friend Richard was married there in March, so Danny, Aaron, and I decided to drive down there. Before you ask, the answer is no, I did not get [ARRESTED, MARRIED, A HOOKER]. My car did get a flat tire just outside of Ely, Nevada. If any of you have driven this route to Vegas, you know there is nothing out there. We drove four hours on a donut before that finally gave out. Luckily, we were in a nice little town straight out of a horror movie. We got a new tire after 3 hours of waiting and made it to Vegas in time to be drunk for four straight days. I know it's not [CABO, DISNEYLAND, CANADA] but we can't all have high paying jobs, now can we.

That's just a glimpse of my little life over the past year. I hope that all is [WELL, GRAND, HORRIBLE] in your life. Have a [MERRY, HAPPY, GOOD] [CHRISTMAS, HANUKKAH, FESTIVUS]!

Jason

"Everyone is worried about their future, but we should all just live for the moment. The future holds only the art of dying and the end of life. Celebrate what we love and hold onto what is dear to us. For it is all we have in this thing called life."

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2009-12-13T18:10:00.000-08:00

The holiday lights have been hung. The Christmas trees have been placed in the corner of the house. Cookies are in the process of being consumed. Christmas Day is fast approaching. All of these things mean only one thing: It's time for "Home Alone" to be shown at least twenty times before the Holiday Season ends.

Over the past two years, I have been promising the "Fallacies of Home Alone" blog. After careful deliberation and procrastination, the time has finally arrived that I put the pen to the paper. Or in this case, my fingers to the keyboard. Due to the many beers consumed while discussing this subject with my friends, namely Danny, Aaron, and Cornbread, I'm not sure I remember all of the key points that we've settled on, but I will do my best.

First off, with a nod to Aaron on this one, why is Kevin McAllister scared of a furnace? The kid has been home alone for a few days, yet he's scared of this thing in the basement. Sure, maybe it's scary for an eight year old, but he watched "Angels with Filthy Souls", so he can't be that scared, right?

Speaking of being eight years old, you're telling me this kid already knows how to go grocery shopping and get the essentials? This is the same kid that only nights before threw a fit when he couldn't get his cheese pizza. An eight year old kid would fill up on candy and toys. On top of that, he did the laundry perfectly. In the straw poll that I did (I asked five people), not one of them knew how to do laundry at the age of 8. And to separate the colors from whites to top that.

The McAllisters must have had the best surround sound available to anyone at that time. To fool a pizza delivery man with the sounds of gunshots and speaking, it would take some pretty good speakers. I mean, the pizza guy was obviously very scared. Then, the very next day, Kevin needs firecrackers to scare off one half of the Wet Bandits. Was the surround sound broken? Or did he just not have enough time to turn it on?

If a frantic parent calls from France, why, as a dispatch operator, would you assume that this was a prank call? And the cop that was sent over to the house was even worse. Simply knocking on the door is not enough to look for a lost kid.

Marv and Harry sure have a lot of junk in their van for having just robbed all these rich, white folks' houses. You'd think they'd have a lot more. They could have just left the McAllister's house alone. You know what, though, they got greedy.

I don't understand how two grown men can't handle the antics of an eight year old kid. I've tried running across micro machines before, and I've never slipped like those two did. I understand the tar on the stairs, because that's just clever and funny. I'm just saying that after the first paint can flying at my face, I would understand that more would probably be coming. It's just common sense.

I've never seen anyone slide across an ice skating rink on their knees quite like Kevin McAllister can. The poor bumbling cop never had a chance.

If that old man has been watching the house the entire time, why didn't he just call the cops, especially after he saved Kevin's life? Seems a little creepy to me.

So, what have we learned today? Well, probably that I've seen "Home Alone" too many times. And you know what, even with these things in mind, I'll probably watch it again. Now, if you excuse me, I have to go watch the end of "Tough Love 2".

Jason

*If you'd like to add your own problem with "Home Alone", feel free to comment. Or shoot down my points. Or not.

The half week in sports...

2009-12-03T18:35:00.000-08:00

It's only Thursday, yet the the week in sports has already been peppered with scandals, hoopla, and entertainment. This simply means the weekend will be chalk full of excitement, especially on Saturday when Boise State takes on New Mexico State. With a spread of 45 points, this game should be a real barn burner.

A quick update before I dive in: The Oregon State punter just punted 15 yards. That's not very far.

Tiger Woods has finally proven that he's not infallible. You know it's not good when the likes of TMZ and the National Enquirer. I tried coming up with some clever headlines for him, like "Tiger Woods Needs Mulligan to Save Marriage" or "Tiger bogeys on Marriage" but nothing seemed right. After all, I'm pretty sure the New York Daily News already came up with something lame like this to lead their front page. As of today, no one really knows what happened. The man crashed his car, got a fine, probably got beat up by his wife, has 3 alleged mistresses, and lost in The Masters this year. It really has been a tough year for him. The good news: Still has all of those endorsement deals and a great bro-mance with Roger Federer. Maybe should TMZ should look into that.

The winter meetings are about to start for Baseball. Is it just me or are the Atlanta Braves trying to become the Boston Braves? Do they really think that the signings of Takashi Saito and Billy Wagner will help them? Do they want Brad Penny and Nick Green as well? Is this how you really want to send out Larry "Chipper" Jones? I say good luck Braves, you're going to need it.

So long Bobby Bowden. What will "Free Shoes University" do now without their savior? The situation regarding Coach Bowden was a complete shame. Granted their program has slipped over the last few years, but the man should have been allowed to retire on his own ground. Coach Paterno went through a cycle like this a few years back and he was able to turn it around. These are two coaching legends that should have both been able to dictate their own retirement. Unfortunately, only one at this point will be able to fulfill that wish. Coach Bowden was an old school coach that has been passed by the new age, College Football "business" that is now driving this sport. Now longer will coaches be around for more than ten years because school don't have the patience to sit through the "bad" or rebuilding years. Here's to Coach Bowden hopefully going out a winner in his bowl game.

This is not sports related, but "Christmas with the Kranks" is not a good movie. Of course, it looks good compared to "Deck the Halls", which is on next on F/X.

Concussions are driving the topic at the NFL head office this week. See what I did there? "Head" office. Anyone? Okay...

Allen Iverson returns to Philly. I don't really no what to say about that. Allen Iverson has always been an extremely talented player, but his true colors really showed the last few years. This is a guy that had an opportunity to prove he was a team player and possibly help win a title with Denver, but he refused to budge as the "go-to-guy". Philly was much better off with Andre Miller. Hope those extra cheeks in the seats look good on your bottom line, Sixers fans.

As a general note, I'd like to take credit for the Chargers current winning streak. They have not lost a game since my letter calling for Norv Turner to be fired. Maybe he read the letter, because he's really opened up the offense since my letter was written. You're welcome, Chargers' fans.

There you go. Just a few of my thoughts on the topics dominated the headlines. I have to go eat my Tony's pizza now.

J.

"Tiger Woods scores hole in one in Australia. Also plays golf while there."

Is that too much?

Oh yeah, Oregon leads Oregon State 14-10. We'll see if that holds up...

The Cold, Harsh Winter

2009-11-30T20:09:00.000-08:00

[Author's note: Please pay no attention to the title of this blog. It's simply the first thing that came to mind.]

It's a harsh, cold winter. That's more like it. It has much more of a ring to it.

Now that you've been thoroughly confused, I welcome you the monthly update of my writing endeavors. It has been an up and down month, that's for sure, but I did get a few things accomplished and submitted, so that's always a plus.

First of all, let's talk about National Novel Writing Month. To read more about that, please refer to my blog post on November 1st. It explains a little bit. Basically, I had a goal to write an entire 50,000 word novel in one month. To cut to the chase, that did not happen. I have plenty of excuses, but here are the ones I feel like using: I got sick a few weeks ago and it was my birthday. The same thing happened last year (the birthday part) and I did not quite achieve what I set out to do. I happened to get close to 23000 words, so I consider that a step in the right direction. The good news is that I plan to keep working on this novel and it is my hope a first draft will be done by June 1st. You can read the first 12 chapters of the novel at palmtreesparadise.blogspot.com. That's all you get for now. Also, kudos to my good friend Heidi, who I believed set out and achieved her goal for hitting the 50,000 word mark. Congratulations!

Earlier in the month, I submitted two ten minute plays to two separate festivals. I sent my play "The Last Hit" (a Jason Haskins classic) to the Actors Theatre of Louisville and my other play "Pandora's Box" to the Source Festival. I will hopefully find out about both of these in the early part of 2010.

To pass the time, like I do every December, I'm working on my screenplay "Kings without Castles". It's centered around Christmas, so that's why I usually only work on it around December. This year, I want to keep writing it and finish it. We'll see how that goes.

And finally, the fantasy novel I've so been diligently working on is done. I'm currently in the process of proofreading/editing it, so (fingers crossed) it will be mailed out in January.

That's enough pandering about me for now. I'll update on my writing again in the first part of the new year. In the meantime, I hope have more posts up in the month of December. That is unless I end up watching all the Christmas movies that are on T.V. There's a new one with Mario Lopez as the voice of a dog, so I'm pretty excited about that. With Mario Lopez (aka AC Slater), you can't possibly go wrong.

J.

"Be sure to drink your Ovaltine"

ONE NIGHT ONLY!

2009-11-04T17:51:00.000-08:00

Maury has tied Oprah in the ratings!

This should be on the front page news. The Queen of daytime is being dethroned by the King of Paternity Tests. Maury better watch out. This reminds me of another time when another daytime talk show host tried to take on Oprah. Please read and enjoy!

*Author's note: This is essentially a re-post of a blog I wrote for another website in 2005. I may have changed some things. Not to protect the innocent, but because chances are I spelled some stuff wrong the first time.

ONE NIGHT ONLY

THE MATCH EVERYONE HAS BEEN WAITING FOR

OPRAH VS GOD VS TONY DANZA

That's right folks, after all the months of debate and name calling, these three heavyweights are finally taking their jabber to the ring. It all started months ago, when after a barrage of questions from Oprah, God threw off his microphone and stormed off of Oprah's Chicago set. Even after his exit, Oprah continued to tear into God about what a lousy father he had been by leaving his poor wife to care for their child without any sort of support. God responded by saying that, "his private life is private" and that "people like Oprah and Hard Copy should stay out of his life."

Tony Danza joined the fracas later that day on his own talk show, stating that Oprah should just learn to bake a nice lasagna for her guests and everything would go better. Mr. Danza said Oprah shouldn't take things for granted and should learn to praise god for her talent. Mr. Danza proceeded to ask God if he would appear on THE TONY DANZA SHOW. God, ever the nice man, gave Mr. Danza a polite no. God stated, "If I wouldn't appear on Chevy Chase's show, then I sure as heck wouldn't be appearing on your show opposite of GUIDING LIGHT. Who can compete with that?" Danza subsequently lost it after that. He began to sing Sinatra and pondered to himself aloud who really was the boss?

The battle raged on and soon enough, Mark Cuban decided he could make some money on all of this. A pay-per-view affair was soon drawn up and the three would battle it out in a Triple Threat Match.

Oprah, a self made woman, continued to make promises to her fans. "If I win, everyone's getting a new car." This would mark the 11th time that she'd promised this to her fans this season. If she won, it would only mark the second time she's followed through with said promise.

God stayed silent for the most part and said only one thing to the press. "I'm sorry that I ever answered Oprah's prayers to have this talk show succeed. I can see now that it has gone to her head."

The big night arrived. Danza came out with his entrance music: the theme song from WHO'S THE BOSS? His corner man for that night would be none other than Jonathan Bower himself, Mr. Danny Pintauro. Oprah came out next. She arrived to 50 Cent's hit song "Candy Shop". As always, Oprah was backed by Dr. Phil. At one point before the fight, Dr. Phil had Pintauro in tears. We all that with Dr. Phil, there's always a breakthrough. Finally, God made his entrance into the arena. "Eye of the Tiger" blared through the speakers and he had many people in his corner because, well, because he's God.

Despite all of the hype and fanfare, the match turned out to be short lived. It turned out that Oprah was God, thus negating the existence of man. She made short work of Danza by taking his own advice. She baked him a nice lasagna using his very own recipe. Once again, Oprah was on top of the world.

*So, Maury Povich, watch your back. Tony Danza was relegated to the 3am time slot in some markets, while most markets simply stopped carrying his talk show. Though I don't think you need to worry as long as you keep those giant babies walking around your set.

J.

Keep on rocking in the free world

National Novel Writing Month

2009-11-01T19:54:00.000-08:00

Well, it's that time of year again. Time for me to set about writing an entire novel in one month. The only difference is, that this year, I've decided to continue to the novel I started last year during this event. What does that mean to you, valued reader? Well, I'm glad that you asked.

First off, it means I may not update this blog for the month of November. While I will try, there are no guarantees. Of course, the blogs have been few and far between lately, so it's not like I've exactly been on top of it.

Secondly, I will be posting the chapters on my other blog on this site: Palm trees and paradise. I will post a link at the bottom of this page or you can just click on my profile picture and access it from there.

The first ten chapters that I write are a re-hashing from last year, so feel free to skip those if you read them last year. If not, or even if you did, please read and enjoy.

All feedback is appreciated.

Thank You.

J.

An Open Letter to the BCS...

2009-10-21T21:06:00.000-07:00

o whom it may concern:

Please do not allow the Boise State Broncos to play in the National Championship Game.

You see, I am a BSU fan. I have been for about ten years now, long before those words were uttered in the same sentence here in Boise. Well, unless you count the old Division I-AA days. I am not discussing that today. Those were great teams, and we've certainly had our fair share of great teams here at Boise State over the last ten years. I'm talking about the here and the now.

We're talking about a team that is still having trouble with the center/quarterback exchange. I mean, come on, these guys are sophomores in college. COLLEGE! They should have no problem with that by now, right? It's a very simple thing to do and we certainly don't want to see a national championship game with bad exchanges. They do it so perfectly in bigger schools like Oklahoma and Ohio State.

Our team is so young, they really would have trouble performing on a national stage. I mean, they only beat Oregon (currently ranked #11 in certain polls) by a score of 19 to 8 and only handled Tulsa on the road by 7. Sure, maybe it was raining and the team was missing two starters, but the team didn't even make an excuse. This BSU team cannot put a full game together and seem to only show up on the offensive side of the ball for two quarters of a game. Their sophomore quarterback, Mr. Kellen Moore, should be much better by now. Two interceptions against 16 touchdowns? Those numbers should be much higher considering the competition he is playing and the young receiving corps he's throwing, too. Austin Pettis has seven touchdowns and 441 receiving yards. Maybe if their running game (3 players averaging over 5 yards a carry) would do better, they could win every game 45-7. The big name schools (like USC and Texas) have played full four quarters in all of their games this year. Even in National Championship Games, a BCS school will always play four quarters of football, just like Oklahoma and Ohio State.

We, as a football nation, can easily give the Broncos a "minor" BCS bowl game, like the Fiesta bowl. This team is too young and inexperienced to win any sort of big game. Their competition is horrible. For the Broncos to get to a National Championship Game, they need to schedule better teams. Or maybe, just maybe, the teams in the WAC can start to win some of THEIR games against the BCS schools. Then the Broncos could actually be befitting of their ranking. Maybe it's the pollsters faults for ranking this young team so high to begin the season. With all of the early season losses for other big teams, of course the Broncos would rise. Now, they are going to get passed by teams that have lost games they should have won. (Ahem, USC.)

The thing is, the Broncos only have 2 seniors on this team so they'll have plenty of chances to be good again next year. If all goes according to plan, they will have 20 starters returning and then maybe you can give them the shot at a title. Why reward them this year with a silly game for the title? Next year, they'll get to challenge the likes of Virginia Tech, Oregon State, and probably a FCS school. They are the only ones with this caliber of team that schedules an FCS school. Charleston Southern and Delaware State are FBS schools, right?

Please, BCS committee, do not reward these hard working kids that have fans who will travel with a National Title shot if they are still undefeated. Of course if you did, then maybe you would have to do it all over again next year? And no one surely wants that, right?

Sincerely,

The San Diego (Stupor) Chargers

2009-10-20T18:30:00.000-07:00

Fire. Norv. Turner. There, I said it. Three little words that I'm sure many in Chargers Nation are feeling today. The reverberating echo of those words are ringing true following the Chargers loss to the Denver Broncos. It was as much a loss as it was a statement by the Denver Broncos that there is a new sheriff in the wild, wild west. The fact is, though, the Chargers have slowly slipping over the past two years.

Let's look back to the debacle that was last year. A team that finished 8-8 caught lightning in a bottle at the right time and almost let it carry them to the Super Bowl. On paper, you look at Norv Turner and see that he is two for two in AFC West Championships. The first year he coached with the Chargers was no fluke. They were a good, solid team and came within a game of the Super Bowl. In Turner's second year, the team was ravished with injuries, but thanks to a melt down by the Denver Broncos, the Chargers won their last four games and won the AFC West. Once again, the Chargers used their momentum to get within a game of the Super Bowl. Norv Turner must be a great coach, right?

Wrong. Norv Turner came into town being hailed as an offensive genius. He was offensive coordinator with the Dallas Cowboys for two Super Bowls, made Kerry Collins a star in Oakland, and was the offensive coordinator for Alex Smith's only good year as a pro. He was brought into San Diego to bring life into a Chargers' offense that had begun to rely too much on the run. Yes, the passing game has flourished over the past two years with Phillip Rivers at the helm. At the same time, the running game has virtually disappeared. Sure, LT has been hurt, but Norv Turner does not seem to know when to run the ball. His "creative" play calling as been anything but that. This year, it can even be called an inept. The Chargers failure to score touchdowns in the red zone is one reason they are losing a few of these games. Last time I checked, seven was worth more than three. Twice this year Turner has tried to run Darren Sproles at the goal line, once with the game on the line. The results: A loss to Baltimore and negative gain against Denver. Both times, the defense knew exactly what was coming. The play makes even less sense against Denver because LT was removed from the game, even though he had found some momentum on that series. Even though he was stopped on two prior runs, the opportunity was open for a play action, yet Norv appears afraid to run that play in the red zone.

The opportunities are growing smaller and smaller for the Chargers. Yes, we are only five games in the season. Yes, they should win their next two games. Yes, Denver is bound to slump a little bit. Last night's game was probably the best game the defense has played as a collective whole in a long time. (I don't count Raiders games.) Antonio Cromartie actually looked like he wanted to play football again last night. The Special Teams had a break down last night by giving up those two touchdown returns. The linebackers are beat up and the d-line gets no pressure. All of these are reasons that people defend Norv Turner. Well, it is time to stop making excuses. Norv Turner is not the man to run this team. The man needs to show some passion. He is too laid back, or so it seems, to be a head coach, and the Chargers players feed off of that. Maybe if the players followed the leadership and intensity of Phillip Rivers, we could see more results. Until Norv Turner is gone, though, I'm afraid the San Diego Chargers will continue to stumble through the long season in a drunken stupor.

J.

Balloon Boy

2009-10-15T18:05:00.001-07:00

As many of you probably know, Americans were glued to their televisions and computers this afternoon watching the ordeal of the six year old boy floating above Colorado in his parents' weather balloon. For a quick back story, a six year old boy crawled into the weather balloon and the balloon came un-tethered from the house from which it was tied. The balloon floated over the city at high elevations for nearly two hours before crash landing in a field. Upon arriving at the scene, officers and volunteers found the balloon to be empty. As it turned out, the boy is safe at home in this hour and fortunately, no tragedy occurred. The boy simply had untied the balloon and was afraid of punishment, so he hid in a box in the attic of the garage. No harm, no foul.

Which brings me to a bigger issue that I have uncovered in this news story. It's a complex issue that has plagued Americans and others alike for many years. It is very serious and needs to be dealt with head on. It's time to stop ignoring what is going on here. That issue, my friend, is simply this: Storm chasing, alien loving hippies.

That's right, they are out there. Inspired by the movie Twister and the movie Fire in the Sky, the group of storm chasing hippies will only grow in notoriety thanks to today's news story. And maybe that's why all of this happened. It was an elaborate hoax designed by the father of poor Falcon (the six year old's name) in an effort to bring mention of his cause. Lo and behold, I've jumped on the train. Who doesn't want to give up their job and become a professional storm chaser? There's nothing like spending all of your free time making a weather balloon out of the foil from old jiffy pop popcorn devices. You know, the popcorn that you pop over the stove? That's the foil I'm talking about. Once that ultimate weather balloon is made, you spend your entire time traveling the mid west searching for the ultimate F5 tornado. Maybe even in their down time, the kids travel around on their bicycles looking for the perfect dust devil. Point being, storm chasing hippies are here to stay.

According to various news sources I looked at today, including Yahoo and CNN, this family even spent time designing saucer like objects that could fly into the center of a storm. While I appreciate the fact we, as a whole, could possibly collect data from these storms, it is obvious we have placed the production in the wrong hands. These hippies spend the day building weather balloons, following Doppler radar, not showering, meditating, and then searching the skies for alien life form. This man, Mr. Richard Heene, has even had his family appear on the "hit" ABC series Wife Swap. No kidding. The storm chasing hippie really likes the publicity and here he has developed the ultimate plan to bring his community of people to the forefront. Instead of sending monkeys to space, he will send his little boy to space in a weather balloon filled with popcorn.

Is that a stretch? No. Okay, maybe. Maybe it was a test to see if the weather balloon could fly to see how long it could go. Maybe these storm chasing hippies are going to live in the Jiffy Pop Balloon and travel the world searching for hurricanes and tornadoes. I really have no idea. All I do know is that the Storm Chasing, Alien Loving Hippies are growing in number in Colorado. In fact, their numbers are only second to those of the John Elway fan club. That's saying a lot. Now Mr. Heene has caught the nation's attention with his weather balloon and his balloon boy. I just kept thinking what an adventure that would have been for this boy. Flying high over the majestic state of Colorado, complete trapped in the Jiffy Pop Balloon. What a gas! The aliens living in hurricanes must be impressed.

As it is, the storm chasing hippies will continue to go on watching the Weather Channel, documenting the events of Alien, and working on their ultimate weather balloon. Until then, I'd like you to remember these two very important lessons that came from today: Don't tie your weather balloon to the side of your house and all young boys are liars.

Thank you and good night.

J.

*Thanks to Yahoo and CNN for their extended coverage. And Veronica, sorry I couldn't include you in this blog. I will thank you in advance for your support on the Balloon Boy script I'm working on. If all goes well, it will be the perfect companion piece to Jake Gyllenhaal's 2001 hit, Bubble Boy. It is your support and devotion that will make us rich off of this movie. By the way, I need to borrow $10,000...

You've got updates...

2009-09-23T18:34:00.000-07:00

For nearly a month, tumbleweeds have blown through these hallowed pages. Okay, maybe they're not so hallowed, but they do appear to be pages nonetheless. Who's to say if the blogs will come forth in high propensity again, but we shall see. It is my hopes they do, but for the mean time, let's see what's happening in my life, and more importantly, in pop culture.

My beloved car Challenger 2 was sent to the car graveyard roughly a month ago. She was just short of being with me for four years. It seems a lady ran a red light and choose my car as a perfect target. I have been searching for nearly month (one reason for the lack of blogs) and have found a nice little car for myself. Due to a lack of originality in naming cars, she shall be christened Challenger 3. It's much like the third Fast and the Furious Movie. Both the movie and name are pointless, because Paul Walker is not involved.

As for my writing, I have submitted a monologue to a theatre in Iowa for a monologue festival and have also sent a screenplay to the Nevada Film Festival. I was supposed to hear in September about the monologue, and I'm guessing it's a no since we have only seven days left in this month. The screenplay I will hear about, with an accept or decline, in late December/early January. I've also finished up the first act of a new full length play and am currently working on a re-write of my first full length, Poison. And, after a journey of nearly 16 years (that's right, since the 8th grade folks), I'm approaching the finish of my fantasy novel. I hope to have a draft typed up by the end of the week, and from there, greatness. Finally, I've also continued the work on the novel I did for National Novel Writing Month last year. The first chapters are available on my blog site, under Palm Trees and Paradise. Please, feel free to take a gander and give me your thoughts.

I would talk about more personal things, you know, jobs, girls, friends, etc., but who wants to be bored with those certain aspects of life. I did attend a memorial service for my aunt this summer, which also served as a lovely family reunion with many relatives I hadn't seen in years. It was a good time and there's nothing quite like drinking margaritas with family until late in the evening.

Normally, I write something witty about pop culture and do something in the style of Joel McHale. I'm saving that for a later blog...Okay, just a few nuggets of interest:

-- Hey, Entertainment Weekly, thanks for not putting Twilight or Vampires on the cover of your issue this week. Not everyone in America is obsessed with Vampires like you. 48 weeks in a row is a little much.

-- I'm not even gonna say anything about Kanye West.

-- Except hey buddy, maybe it's time to take a little break and do some proper grieving.

-- I never thought I'd miss Ryan Seacrest. When's Idol on again?

-- Just kidding. I don't miss him. I'm glad Paula Abdul is gone, though. Now she can finally go back to dancing with her cartoon cat.

-- In an act of shameless self-promotion, in a half-assed kind of way, go to youtube.com and check out my cartoon cat dance. Just search "Van Dykes + dancing cat" or maybe it's " Jason + dancing cat". I can't really remember. That's why the promotion is half-assed.

I also lost to Adam at fantasy football this week. Next thing you know, I'll be losing to Josh.

Jason H.: the tall one on the left, hidden by obscurity.

A Misguided Society

2009-08-26T18:27:00.000-07:00

Have we, as humans, lost the right to make responsible choices and decisions? That is the question I am putting forth this very evening. As a country, we are trying in utter disdain to create a utopia. Evidence mounts each and every day that points this. We want to control everything from the weather to what we eat in order to create a perfect society. In the process, we are tearing down the little people and often assigning blame to places it shouldn't be placed. My point today, in what may seem like a bitter rant against a decaying nation, will be centered around the people that are regulating our choice of beer cans. More importantly, it's against something that really has no impact in what kind or how much a beer a person will drink. I am speaking, of course, of the right to choose a beer in a neatly colored can, if I so desire.

For those of you that don't know or are unaware, Bud Light has recently launched limited edition cans in which the cans are multi-colored in honor of your favorite college. Okay, maybe not your favorite color, but there are over 20 different options in various parts of this lovely country. For example, out here in Boise State Bronco country, the cans are, or will be, blue and orange. Now, keep in mind, nowhere on these cans does it say "Sponsored by Boise State" or have a picture of the mascot on it. Bud Light is in no way endorsing the fact that people at Boise State like to get drunk on Bud Light. To me, it is simply a gesture to mark the start of the most wonderful time of year: football season.

Now, it seems, that a collection of college universities have decided to write letters to the fine people at Bud Light in hopes of getting these specially designed cans pulled off the market. Why, you may ask? Well, let me tell you, fine people of the world. It seems these universities believe that these colored cans will promote/are promoting underage drinking. Are you kidding me? What you're basically telling me is that these kids in college are making the choice to drink based on whether or not the beer has the same colors as their team/school? This is an utterly foolish thought. College students, who do include people that are of legal age to drink, will not take a drink simply for the fact that the beer is blue and orange. What these universities are telling me is that Joe Freshman, who doesn't like to drink and never has, will suddenly start binge drinking because they released the beer in his school colors. This is not logistical thinking by any means.

All of the universities that have written these letters have remained for the most part anonymous. One that hasn't is from the good old people at Boise State University. In their minds, their precious school will turn into a binge drinking hall of fame because of the blue and orange colored Bud Light. That's right folks, it's no matter if they even like Bud Light, the kids will do it simply because the colors are blue and orange and that's school pride. This coming from the same campus that recently banned smoking because smoking causes suicide rates to jump and people that smoke are worse students than those that don't. (I will not cover this issue, because my good friend Josh Belville recently wrote about it. I'm not sure of the link to it, so if he reads this, perhaps he would be nice enough to provide a link. If not, I know it's on Facebook.)

The point is simply this: Students are going to choose to drink or not to drink based on the usual reasons. Many will want to experiment and give it a try. Many will do it because they are in college and that's what college students do. People have the right and the decision to drink if they want to. While I will not condone underage drinking, we all know it's out, and the kids find a way. Just because it's an orange and blue, or red and white, or whatever color combination does not suddenly mean underage drinking is going to sky rocket. Don't we have more important things to worry about? Like stimulating the economy or who to take first in the fantasy draft. Let the adults have their cans and quit trying to control every little thing and step that society takes. It's personally no matter to me, as I will continue to drink Keystone Light. A can is a can and a beer is a beer. Now let's all raise our colored cans and toast to the slow downfall of a society misguided.

J.

"...to remain silent and indifferent is the greatest sin of all..." -Peace Nobelist Elie Wiesel

2009-08-15T17:18:00.000-07:00

Pouring over the years of drinking in Boise bars, I've realized that many of the memories, and in turn these blogs, have begun to sound the same. As it has seemed to boil down to logistics, everything revolves around cheap beer, smoky air, and good times. That is why, with much regret and not a lot of sorrow, I've decided to end the current series of bars after this blog. I have covered, I believe, the bars I have spent the majority of my time at over the years. And I have noticed that their business has not increased ten fold since I've begun the blog series. Maybe that's due to lack of Boise readership, or the fact that I did not like the Ted Challenger owned bars, and that's where half of Boise spends their weekends. Why? Well, because these are the "cool" clubs to attend and Fame Fifteen is there. In the end, I guess, people like notoriety.

As it is, my journey has finally brought me to Mulligans, the bar you love to love and the bar you love to hate. Years ago, when I first began going to Mulligans, the place was not that popular among the "normal" folk of Boise. These are the people that had tattoos, wild hair, eccentric clothing, were artists, musicians, and hipsters. This was the bar were the collective "outcasts" could wind down at a smoke filled "Irish" bar. I use the term Irish loosely because while they do serve classics such as Guinness, the only thing that makes it Irish is the fact that The Dropkick Murphys and Flogging Molly play on the jukebox all the time. As I thank you for allowing me that minor digression, let me continue with the thought. The bar was never usually that crowded. The place would have its normal business, but for the most people, even these people would eventually wander over to the Blues Bouquet or down the street to the Nerolux.

We are now in the present day. While the artists, musicians, actors, and so called "sores" of society (as judged by the people that hang out at Mack and Charlies) are still prevalent in this bar, the sweet dudes and VIP girls have started to filter into this bar. To them, it is cute to say that they had a drink at Mulligans and slummed it for a night. They are usually not here for very long, but they have created longer lines and less places to sit. While I'm sure the owners of Mulligans are glad business is booming, it makes it hard on me when all I want to do is have a seat and enjoy a beer. And for clarification, I don't mean that all people that hang out in the 6th and Main area are the same. Some are very nice, and many are friends of mine. I guess it's just the attitude of many of the strangers that I don't know that speak louder than the people I do know.

Mulligans, through it all, still has a friendly atmosphere for the most part. Chances are, on any given night, you will run into someone you know. You may not like them too much, but they are there nonetheless. They will even often go out of their way to talk to you. The jukebox is one of those fancy Internet jukeboxes that give you an entire library of songs to choose from. So when it snows in October, feel free to play Mariah Carey Christmas songs to your hearts content. Mulligans did use to have a $10 limit to use your debit/credit card, but lately the bartenders have not been mentioning this when the alcohol is paid for. Also, Mulligans is nice in the warmer months because they have a front patio to sit out on. You do have to get their fairly early in the evening to claim one of these seats. Because once there, most people don't abandon them until close closing time.

In the end, I guess, Mulligans is a fine place to spend the evening with a group of friends. There are pool tables, if interested, and a few dart boards. There are also various golf and hunting games, if that meets your fanciful needs. Over the years, many great times have been spent there, yet no real specific memories come to mind. At least not anything worth mentioning. Christmas eve of 2007 was spent there, after watching the Chargers beat the Broncos at The Crescent. (A bar that was not mentioned here. This was a good place to watch football, until pitchers of beer became $10.) As it is, good times are usually had here. Whether it be with friends that like Flogging Molly, friends that are actors, a friend in need, or just to enjoy the delightful "Irish" music, Mulligans is a good place to hang out. The prices are right, the smoke is just right, the beer is cold, and best of all, there is usually no U2. And that, my friends, makes for the perfect night.

"Quitting is not an option. No matter how dark it gets."- Wayman Tisdale

I hate the Yankees

2009-08-09T20:04:00.000-07:00

TO: New York Yankees
FROM: Jason

RE: My hatred of your team, your new stadium, and Johnny Damon

To whom it may concern:
I hate you, New York Yankees. I have never liked you, ever since I first had Ron Guidry's baseball card and had to look at that hideous mustache. I do not like your new stadium, where apparently home runs fly out of the park at a ridiculous rate. What kind of team tears down a treasured national icon to build an overpriced, over luxurious stadium? A team with a greedy owner, for one. One that likes to cheat by allowing home runs. Sure, A-Rod and your first baseman (A man who spurned the Red Sox) have always hit home runs. Their hits are expected. As for you, Johnny Damon, why is it ever time I turn on the damn television you are hitting a home run. Maybe someone should test you for steroids. Have you been hanging out with your new teammate A-Rod a little too much these days?

Another thing I hate about the Yankees this year is your "Idiot" mentality. Hey, fellas, try something original. You haven't won a World Series in 9 years so you decided to copy a tactic of your hated rivals? I do not like you, New York Yankees. I hope you choke in the playoffs again so you can go overpay another aging superstar who you think will bring the title back to the Bronx. Newsflash, New York Yankees, it's too late. Take Johnny Damon with you and go jump off a bridge. Not a giant bridge, but a smaller one in which you'll live and have to swim in the cold water for awhile. Maybe that'll teach you a lesson. I don't know what kind of lesson, but I'm sure I'll think of one.

As for you, Andy Pettitte, you're all right. You've dominated the Red Sox for far too long, but you don't seem like a bad person. Please tell your first baseman and utility outfielder Johnny Damon that I don't have the same sentiments for them. Or Bucky Dent for that. Also, tell A-Rod there's no reason to cry. Ramon Ramirez does not throw the ball that hard.

So, take your home runs. And your awesome pitching. And your 300 million dollar payroll. Take all of these things to the playoffs and lose in the first round again. And then watch as the Boston Red Sox laugh all the way to the World Series. Thank you for your time and I look forward to future correspondence.

Sincerely,

Red Sox Fan #3452 Jason Haskins

P.S. I hate you, Johnny Damon!

Everyone likes some juice...

2009-07-30T17:11:00.000-07:00

For those of you looking forward to another blog about the bars in Boise, I apologize. I have decided to take a small break in order to write a few blogs. Don't fret, though, the bar series will return in all of it's seedy glory after I get a few things off of my chest. In this first blog, I will hopefully tackle the ever growing debate over something very serious that seems to always resurface every month or so. That topic, which needs to die a quick death, is the debate over steroid use in baseball.

To begin with, this blog is not necessarily in defense of steroid use in baseball. To me, it was wrong for these people to be using P.E.D.'s (performance enhancing drugs) to begin with. And just because others were doing it during this time does not make for a good argument in favor of use of the drugs. With that said, there is a reason that this era of baseball has become to be known as the "Steroid Era". Simply put, people were using, upwards of near twenty percent of professional baseball players. (Or forty to fifty, if you listen to Jose Canseco. Which I don't.) The fact it is, the baseball players did it, it was wrong, and it affected the game. Fans have not left the game in droves because of it. Baseball attendance and popularity was at an all time high during this era, and has not dropped too significantly in the years that arrived after the era.

This blog comes in revelation of David Ortiz being outed as a name that was on the list of players that tested positive for a P.E.D. in 2003. Many of you are well aware that I am a die hard Red Sox fan and that this blog is based on that bias. And, it's partially true. Except I have stated ever since the great Alex Rodriguez was outed that the steroid issue needs to be dropped. It does nothing but stir up a hornets nest that no longer needs to be stirred. Sure, some of the shine and luster of these great players are lost, and the shadow of doubt will always be cast on these players. It will be an era of baseball's long history that will never be forgotten. It's time to put a stop to the releasing of names on this list. There's no point of leaking a name or two every month just to keep people's memories fresh on steroids. The baseball fans know it happened, and I believe many of them want to also move on from this topic.

The reason I was moved to write a blog is because a hot topic is whether the Boston Red Sox World Series titles are now tarnished. The answer is no. Two players do no make a baseball team. David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez still had to have hitters in from of them get on base, hitters behind them get base hits, and pitchers still had to pitch good games against teams that had sluggers and pitchers on the "juice". (I'm looking at you, A-Rod and Giambi. And you Andy Pettitte.) Sure, Ortiz and Ramirez put up monster numbers during these years. Ortiz has always denied use and today had no comment. Does that mean he's guilty? Probably, but we don't know for sure. (Yet.) The fact is, these players did not simply win the World Series all alone. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was Dave Roberts and Bill Mueller that helped the Red Sox start the comeback against the Yankees. And Curt Schilling. And Johnny Damon. And countless of other teammates that played their heart and soul out to bring a title to Boston.

None of these allegation should diminish what was accomplished by the Boston Red Sox as a TEAM. Is it unfortunate that David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez allegedly tested positive in 2003? Yes, very much so, just has millions of Manny and Dodgers fans were devastated when Manny was suspended earlier this year. To me, it is just as unfortunate that this list cannot be fully released yet. And it shouldn't be. The players union had an agreement that stated this player would not be named, yet each month a new name resurfaces. It is time to move on and let's concentrate on the races that are shaping up in the 2009 season. Let's concentrate on the good stories, like Josh Hamilton and Zach Greinke. We will always remember this era. The names Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, and Mark McGwire will be forever etched in the echelon of our minds as cheaters. As we do that, let us also remember these players for the gifted athletes they once were. It is time to let the issue die. Let the baseball public turn a blind eye and choose themselves how they want to remember this era. They can ignore it, if they'd like. I mean come on, isn't that what MLB did in the late 90s? That's what I thought...

The Art of Wine

2009-07-19T16:20:00.000-07:00

As our journey of the Boise bar scene continues, I'd like to take you a place I recently visited. It's a place I've visited on occasion before, but never for more than a drink or two. Well, last night I spent a good four hours at this lovely establishment situated on 6th street, just down the corner of from where sixth and main meet in their glorious seediness. After sharing approximately nine bottles of wine with a group of friends and a long night's sleep, I decided the story of the Basque Center would be the next subject tackled in this serious of blogs.

As I stated earlier, the wine was flowing at the Basque Center and it usually is. That is because of the little known drink called the Kalimotxo. The Kalimotxo (or Calimocho, if you don't want to use the original Basque spelling) is a divine drink that consists of fifty percent wine and fifty percent coke. Splash in a little ice, and you have the perfect drink for a warm summer evening. Now, you can adjust the ratio to your palate, but that is usually the recommended dosage of this amazing drink. A lot of people are doubters in the legend of the Kalimotxo and many believe it is a made up drink. That usually happens the first time you hear of it. Most likely, you will think it was developed by a group of frat boys who, at the end of a long night, had run out of beer and started coming up with their own drink concoctions. That can be far from the truth. The Kalimotxo is in fact a real drink and it provides for real fun.

I even had my doubts when first hearing the of the wine and coke mixture. While the drink does take a time or two of drinking to get used to, I eventually found myself enjoying it, especially in L.A., where my friends and I would walk on down to Trader Joe's and buy a two dollar bottle of Charles Shaw wine to ensure a fine evening. Even as I searched Google for this drink and found it really did exist, I was still skeptical. It was not until my first visit to the Basque Center that I discovered its popularity. Too afraid to made a fool of, one of my friends had the gall to order two Kalimotxo's. Sure enough, the bartender did not bat an eye as he quickly produced two glasses of the great, mysterious Kalimotxo. At $3 a glass, it was not a bad price at all.

The Basque Center is a small place, with only five to ten tables sprinkled throughout the small establishment. It does hold an upstairs area and a reception hall next door, but these areas are usually reserved for private parties, wedding receptions, and such. In the summer, the outdoor patio is also open, which leads us to the events of last night.

A group of my friends met Blake and Jason, who were already seated out on the patio. A bottle of wine and a pitcher of coke were already placed in front of them. Now, I'd never seen this before, but to me it was a genius move, as it saved on continually trips to the bar. I must also mention now, before I forget, that the Kalimotxo is best enjoyed with red wine. I made the mistake of explaining the Kalimotxo to someone before and failed to mention not to use white wine. She did, and in turn, the results were not very good. Anyways, back to last night. As it turns out, the cheapest bottle of wine is called Terra Serra. We decided that it was probably a vintage July '09. While it wasn't the greatest red wine in the world, it certainly got the job done. You may be asking how much this wonderful wine is, and I will tell you. It was ten dollars. Throw in four dollars for the pitcher of coke and you get about 7 glasses of fun from the bottle. Of course, like I said, it depends on the ratio of wine to coke you are using. Needless to say, it was cheaper to go this route than buying one glass at $3 a piece.

The beauty of the Basque Center is that when there is a wedding reception going on, you know that the drinks are flowing there as well and soon the party will spill onto the patio. Sure enough it did. Two older women, most likely in their forties or early fifties, joined us at our table. They came bearing drinks and a love of Willy Wonka. Sure, the drinks where for their husbands, but it didn't stop us from secretly moving a Coors Light or two to the collection of empty wine bottles we'd accumulated. As for the Willy Wonka conversation, I believed it stemmed from a discussion on Gene Wilder. For those of you that don't know, there was a version before Tim Burton got his grubby hands on it (and subsequently ruined a priceless childhood memory. Anyways, the topic escalated when their husband's arrived and joined in merrily in screaming, "Good day, sir!", ala Willy Wonka. The next few minutes were spent singing lyrics from the movie, (in which the entire patio joined in, close to 20 people at this point) and quoting lines from the movie (which the patio gallery also added their two cents.) I believe we then spent the next half hour trying to remember what Gene Wilder says after Charlie gives him back the everlasting gobstopper. There was no luck, even with the help of an i-phone. (Thanks to wiki-quote, I found out today that he says "so shines a good deed in a weary world", which is also from The Merchant of Venice by none other than William Shakespeare).

As it was, the night ended up to be a good one. Even a guy named Chris stumbled into group, stole a cigarette, and than explained to us his viewpoints on the existence of heaven and hell. He was a brother of one of the ladies and he felt he could make himself at home. And we welcomed hm with opened arms and sarcasm. All of this is part of the point of going to the Basque Center. A good time will always be had. The wine is always flowing, new friends can be made, and the best drink ever invented was brought to us by the Basque. Long live the Kalimotxo.

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift."

A Collection of bars...

2009-07-07T19:47:00.001-07:00

Sitting around tonight, I said to myself, "Self, why did you decide to write a blog series on all of the bars you've been to in Boise? You made the list, you saw how many bars you've been to over the years. It will be quite the undertaking." And you know what, it has been. I've covered about fourteen bars and probably still have that many to cover. I'm not even counting bar/restaurants because if that were the case, this blog series could continue on forever. As it is, I will forge on. Not only to inform you, the valued reader, of the night life that Boise has to offer for all occasions, but also because I have enjoyed diving back into memories I've lost or pushed away over the years. Both good and bad have crept back into my mind, sometimes even rattling up emotions that I had pushed away for a reason. But that is either here nor there. As a way of speeding up the process, let's take a little journey down State Street. It will not be a long journey, but a one with some hard hitting facts and perhaps a memory or two.

Hey, look everyone, it's Terry's. Terry's is located just off of State and Collister and is another of these lovely little dive bars that I have been to. Now, the total is probably less than five times, but I have been there nonetheless. Karaoke is present at this bar, which is a plus for some people. Certain nights of the week have live music, which is a plus for an entirely different group of people. The beer is set at a reasonable price and the few times I've been there the place is fairly packed. To be honest, I don't make it down State Street too often, so Terry's is not usually a bar I visit. They do have nude paintings, so you can't really argue with that.

Moving along on State, we reach the 44 Club. Now, years ago, the 44 Club used to be a fairly regular hangout because I had a friend that lived across the street from it. The place is your average, dark, smoke filled karaoke bar. Now, I'm not sure if they still do karaoke 7 days a week, but that's just a fair warning if you decide to visit this bar. I haven't been there in close to a year and a half. It is a cash only bar, so in this day and age of plastic, plastic, plastic, it's not often my friends and I have the cash to visit this lovely Establishment. The bar is pretty small, but all of the customers I've encountered there are always quite jovial. No matter if the person can sing, thinks they can sing, or can't sing at all, the bar is always rocking. A few words of advice for you, if you do happen to go to the 44 Club. One: Don't try to steal the Old Crow alcohol sign that hangs by the front entrance. It is a nearly impossible task and you will spend hours wasting your time. And two: If a girl thinks you look like someone she knows, just go with it, because more than likely you will end up at her later on. [A side note for that: If a guy says that to a girl, it's just a pick up line. Or maybe it's a pick up line for the girl, too. I guess at this point I can't really say anything except that she was a good time.]

Okay, as I wrote those two paragraphs, I realized there weren't any more bars I'd been to on State Street. Night Moves is not a bar and the other places I've been to are probably bar/restaurants. I will include in this blog the greatest restaurant in the world. That place is called Merritt's Country Cafe and believe me, it is much more than the holder of the world's greatest scones. All of the food here is cooked with greasy deliciousness. The stories of this place could go on forever, so maybe I will have to write another blog in the future about this great place. As for now, I will close in simply stating that everyone that lives in Boise, or visits Boise, must visit this greasy spoon at least once or they can't say they've truly lived.

"The meaning of life is contained in every single expression of life. It is present in the infinity of forms and phenomena that exist in all of creation.”- Michael Jackson

A Drink to above...

2009-06-28T20:35:00.000-07:00

For those of you that have been to the Nerolux in the last few years, you know that the bar is a place where you can watch a band at a low cover price, have a few drinks, and then stay for some late night dancing. If so inclined, you can also stop by for a poetry slam or a performance by a local theater company. Now, this is all good fun and all for some people. I personally stop in once in awhile, albeit on nights where there is no loud noise to drown out the joys of conversation. In that vein, I'm going to take you, valued reader, back in time to a different kind of Nerolux. One that had the mighty entertainment cliche: karaoke.

Now, with me being in L.A. for the years between 2002 and 2006, I'm not exactly sure when the Nerolux decided to abandon this time honored tradition of getting drunk Friday nights and heading down to the Nerolux for some good old fashioned karaoke. Let me point that I've never been a big fan of getting on stage and singing. I've probably sang karaoke less than a total of twenty times in my life, and when we first started going to the Nerolux, I had never sang before. Early on in our travels there, I kind of detested going to this bar mostly for that fact. I would tell my friends that I didn't like karaoke, but in fact, it was probably because I didn't have the balls to go attempt to sing. Over time, I learned that it was just about going and having fun. Or for some people I know, if they are good at entertaining while on stage, perhaps a free drink or two. Never really saw it happen at the Nerolux, but like I said, I didn't like it as much back then so I missed many early adventures to this lovely bar.

On with the show. Back then, the area where the two pool tables was not built yet. The stage was towards the back of the bar, as it is today. The same giant neon crown also covered the wall. On Fridays and Saturdays, the stage was used for hours and hours of karaoke. If you were lucky and got there during the first part of the night, you could probably get four or five songs in. The neat thing about singing karaoke here was that if someone really sucked at a song, another person could challenge them and sing the same song. I don't believe there were any prizes, unless you count your pride be ripped apart if someone challenged you and just blew you out of the park. Of course, if your pride is being wounded by karaoke challenges, then you should probably seek some medical help. I was unlucky enough to be challenged on a song I did. It was probably only my third time singing and my friend Paul decided to put in a song for us. (A little back story on that. We were doing a play called The Visit and we played characters who lip synced to a song called Some Kind of Wonderful. That's the song he put in.) When we got up there to sing, the version Paul choose was a quicker version than we were used to, so we completely butchered it. Luckily, the people who challenged us were friends of ours. Being the smart asses they were, they thought they were going to knock it out of the park. Needless to say, they may have been worse than us.

Back tracking a little, the very first time I sang karaoke was at the Nerolux. After a fair amount of alcoholic beverages, I was convinced by my friend Scott to sing a song with him. The song he had chosen was Summer Nights from the Grease soundtrack. Being easily influenced at that point, I agreed to sing on the condition that I get to sing the boys part. Scott agreed and the rest they say, is history. [Ed. note: I have performed this song at various points of the years, always agreeing to it on the condition that I get to sing the boys part. Maybe I performed it about 8 months ago at Quinns with Ryan A. Who's to say?] There were no challenges that night, but I think that's mostly because the Challenge rule wasn't in effect.

Despite the Nerolux ridding itself of the karaoke and putting a ping pong table in front of the stage, I still go from time to time on Sunday nights or in the late afternoons on the weekends before the bands trickle in. I have many memories of the place, from Ken and Greg singing Friends in Low Places with a beer in their hand and a dip in their mouth to watching plays that friends put on. There's nothing like going here at a quiet time, putting a dollar in the jukebox, and listening to the sweet sounds of Elvis Costello and Elliot Smith. Most of the time, it's a good place for friends to get together and talk about the times of old. Whether its in times of happiness or times of sorrow, the Nerolux usually provides the release you're looking for. All of this while enjoying a $2 Pabst. Now, if they'd only bring back karaoke so I could sing Some Kind of Wonderful and maybe a boozed up rendition of Friends in Low Places in memory of a friend lost. Hell, I'd even put in a dip. And maybe sing the girls version of Summer Nights. Just maybe...

"The past is the present, isn't it? It's the future too. We all try to lie out of it, but life won't let us."- Mary from Long Days Journey into Night

The Past. The Present. The Overland Bar.

2009-06-24T14:13:00.000-07:00

In figuring that we are already in the area after my previous blog, we will go on a stumbling journey that takes us down Overland Road. Tonight we will avoid the route of Buddies and Hooligans and instead take the path that leads us to the generation spanning Overland Bar. It's close by, it's small, its intimate, it has cheap beer, and it smells vaguely of booze, cigarette smoke, desperation, and cheap old spice. What can possibly go wrong?

Well, to begin with, you must bring cash or pay the fee to use their ATM. Not that there is a whole lot wrong with that, except its the 90s and cards should be accepted everywhere. (Okay, it's not the 90s and perhaps that joke is getting old, but I don't care.) Now, the Overland Bar simply knows the majority of its clientele, so having them pay in cash is not exactly a bad thing. The customer either ends up not drinking as they much as they would like do to lack of funds or they simply hit the ATM machine like a losing gambler does in Vegas when the chips are gone. Either way, I'm sure that the Overland Bar is doing just fine.

As I mentioned earlier, the bar has customers that span many generations. On any given night, the following groups can be represented: Young drunks, old drunks, war vets, bikers, white trash, sweet dudes, easy girls, married people, swingers, and people just searching for a good time. I'd say a quarter of the people you meet in this bar are teetering on the crazy side, which often leads to a good time for all. The best part is, they will come right up and sit down at your table and start a conversation with you without even asking. Even better, you don't care, because most of the time the stories are at least entertaining and provide you with the drunken laugh you need.

Now, many of my stories from the Overland Bar have faded away, well, because it's usually the bar that is last on the stop for the evening. Too many drinks in, I often just want to avoid the place all together, but a few of my friends like to get one last round of karaoke and one last round of crazy in. Now, I've never personally attempted it at this bar, but if a guy puts in the tiniest bit of effort in with a lady, chances are you could take her home. Maybe they're not the cutest of girls and hell, maybe not the youngest, but it works nonetheless. The closest I've come, without even an iota of effort, was when my friend and I joined a few girls at the very first table, right next to the karaoke stage. While we weren't even trying to make a move, the girls seemed to be a little flirty flirt. Having the hawk eyes I do, I noticed one of the girls was wearing a ring on her ring finger, but we proceeded to listen what the girls were putting out there. My friend played along, flirting back in a half ass way. They eventually both mentioned they were married, which didn't bother me and my friend. Mostly because, despite these girls being on the attractive side, we mostly cared about the booze. Eventually, after an hour or so of good conversation, the husband of one of the girls came and stood at the back of the bar staring at us. The girls left to talk to him and came back to us. Apparently, the guys weren't very happy with us sitting there. It turned out, it wasn't the husband of the girl that was upset, but more so the cousin. My friend and I sat there and finished our beer and continued our conversation with the girls. At one point, my friend braved going to the restroom, but nothing came out of it. Instead of joining us at the table, which we were even willing to leave, the guys just stood at the back of the bar staring.

Sure sounds like a fun place, doesn't it? Well, the Overland Bar does have karaoke seven days a week. I've never done karaoke here, unless you can't singing loudly to every song while sitting at the table. I mostly go to support my friends in their karaoke endeavors and drink cheap beer (You do see a pattern here, right? I LIKE CHEAP BEER.)
So, I'm going to give the Overland Bar 6 Bud Lights. On a scale of 10 Bud Lights. It's not quite the best bar to hang out in. I've never been stabbed there. Fights may break out, but that's usually around 148 in the morning. Which bar doesn't have fights, though. In closing, karaoke equals good. Fights equal bad. It's simple math...

"A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore"- Yogi Berra

The Orchard Street Bar District

2009-06-21T19:37:00.001-07:00

Nestled within a two block radius of Orchard Street near Emerald lie two bars with equally distinct characteristics. Both bars often hold the same group of patrons and the overwhelming feeling of despair. One is a quiet place of reflection and the other is a smoke filled hostile karaoke environment. Both provide cheap drinks, a few laughs, and old men missing their front teeth. The two bars are in walking distance of one another; a path made easier for the drunks to follow, I suppose. I'm of course talking about McClearys Irish Pub and The Navajo Room.

Now, many of you may not be familiar with McClearys, at least not the one I'm speaking of. Many people I've encountered didn't realize that there was even a second McClearys in town. Well, the one on Orchard is not second best. In fact, it has always been cemented in my mind that the McClearys on State Street is the second one, but I suppose that's not a argument for today. I'm here to talk about the McClearys that is FIRST in my heart.

McClearys became a stomping ground for me about nine years ago or so. The bar is the ideal place to enjoy a pitcher or two of beers all to yourself. You may be thinking that I said that about Jim's Alibi (LOOKING FOR AN ALIBI, 05/05/09), and you are probably right. The difference is, the jukebox at McClearys had a better selection and it was much quieter. The times that I did pop in to reflect by myself provided an opportunity for just that. The seven people in the bar with you were also drinking their sorrows away, which I happily obliged and let them. Often in these periods of reflection, my handy notebook would be near by and the writing would just flow. I would spend hours here, alone, and usually stumble home to the basement where I was staying at the time that was a block away.

Don't get me wrong, McClearys is not just for the alcoholics and the people down on their lives. It is an enjoyable place to just kick back and have a good time. In fact, sometimes you even realize that you're just going to McClearys to remind yourself that life is not that bad. You look around you and see the four men in their fifties drinking alone that are certainly on the precipice of death. In that instant, their appearance reminds you that you are either A.) seeing your future or B.) I've got to pull myself out of these funk. I'm better than this... And with that, McClearys is usually swept out of your mind, unless it's a Friday night and you're tired of the same old bar scene. Then McClearys will provide a nice reprieve. Unless you run into your friend's ex-girlfriend there. Then you just have to hear about him for two hours instead of just having a nice drink. In that case, you hightail it to the Navajo Room.

The Navajo Room is looking in the same small plaza as the Emerald Lanes bowling center. I have not been to this bar as nearly as often, but it has the same type of people as McClearys. Except here, they have suddenly turned into happy drunks singing karaoke. It's even more fun when, if you were at bank, you get to see your customers and they yell out, "Banker guy!" Believe me, it's a lot of fun. [Ed. note: No, it's not fun, those it is nice to be recognized as if I were some sort of celebrity. Except they don't know my name. It's like seeing Zak Efron and yelling, "Hey, High School dude!"] The karaoke is usually rocking right up until closing time, so the entertainment is worth while. I believe the one difference at the Navajo Room is that you might only see one good singer a night, while the rest of the time you are entertained with awful renditions of Skynyrd and Bon Jovi songs.

Smoke fills the air of this bar, so if you're not a fan, I'd recommend staying away. I don't have too much to mention about this bar, mostly because I've probably been there less than ten times in my life. I lived basically across the street from it for four months and don't think I found out it was there until after I left. With the right mixture of cheap booze, bad karaoke, and white trash women wearing clothes three sizes too small, the Navajo Room belongs in the heart of Garden City, but I'm not going to argue. It's one of those bars that are nice to visit when you are tired of hitting the same old hot spots every weekend.

I hope you enjoyed your tour of the Orchard Street Bar District. I will mention that though it is a place to drink your blues away, McClearys is good place to start your night and enjoy the quiet atmosphere. Just don't let it put you over the edge...

"Men are always willing to believe what they wish."- Julius Caesar

The Iron Gate

2009-06-11T22:10:00.000-07:00

In a way, it's funny how the memories of our youth are made. Many of them fade away, or blend into other memories that create the best memory of all. Others, well, they stick with you and help to reinforce who you are.

As I began this blog journey of recalling the various bars I've visited in Boise and the experiences I've had, there is one bar that, unfortunately, will never be visited again. A friendly bar where everyone in fact did know your name. A bar you and your friends could hang out all day and have no real care for time and space. That place was the Iron Gate.

The Iron Gate was located above the restaurant at the University Inn on the Boise State campus. The bar was an ideal place for students to meet after a difficult test, a long semester, or even just for fun on a Friday night. On many nights, going to the Iron Gate simply involved unlimited popcorn, cheap pitchers of domestic beer, a sports game on the giant television, and good friends. If sitting around and watching sports wasn't for you, then you could walk a few feet and play shuffleboard, throw some darts, or shoot a game of pool.

The Iron Gate holds many memories, a few of which aren't even mine. The staff was great, acquiescing to our constant beer needs and putting up with our drunken stupidity. It could range from my friend Adam and I asking the staff to change the tv channel to the Olympics just so we could watch swimming simply because Amanda Beard was hot. Or the time that Aaron and Carrie decided to go for a swim in the hotel pool on a hot day, even though the pool was for guests only. Instead of kicking them out, the bartender simply placed their pitcher of beer in the fridge while the two of them cooled off. Or even Adam and Aaron playing "Whiskey River" by Willie Nelson on the jukebox repeatedly to a point that they almost were kicked out of the bar. The various times we returned after that, the song was played at least once to bring everyone a laugh.

The memories are numerous and most are traced back to the friendships that were built there. Alas, the Iron Gate has now been closed for three years now. Every time I drive by, I yearn for one last drink in the great bar that was the Iron Gate. I'd be a liar if I didn't say that a piece of my college years didn't die when the Iron Gate shut down. For those of you that didn't get the opportunity to drink there, I'm truly sorry. For those of you that did, next time you're out drinking, have a drink for the little bar that could. And sing a soulful verse of "Whiskey River".

"The mind is its own place, and in itself, Can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven."- John Milton

Damn it, Janet!

2009-05-18T20:57:00.000-07:00

Everything is always Jumpin' at Janet's... Anyone? Anyone? Are you sure? Okay, so maybe that lame attempt at humor did not work, but at least I'm putting out there. It's a first for me and a first for you, so just sit back, enjoy it, and have a beer.

That's the attitude that the fine people working at Jumpin' Janet's put out there, at least on the occasions I have visited the oasis located at the top of the hill, where 9th street turns into Vista. I use fine in a very loose sense of the word. The waitresses are usually near the higher end of the "hotness" scale, if that matters to you. To me, it doesn't hurt. And everyone I've had the pleasure of being served by at this bar is very cordial, so that of course it a plus.

I really have no specific memories that stand out at this bar. The drinks are cheap and live entertainment is usually provided on Saturday night with a local band. The one time recently I've caught a band there, they were a bluesy/rock band that was pretty good. Their name escapes me, but I recommend stopping in once or twice to check out local talent, especially if you like to smoke inside. (Unlike the newly re-opened Bouquet.) As it is, I've decided to provide a list of helpful things while attending Janet's.

1.) If you have just graduated college, it is nice to find a friend that will buy drinks all night for you and your friends. Sure, some say a $300 bar tab for six people is a little out of control, but it's not like we kept asking him to do it. He's just a very nice guy. (Thank you again, for the beer). On a side note, if you're driving said big spender home as a nice gesture, make sure you get directions from one of his sober friends. I'm still searching to this day where Park Center and Fairview meet up in Boise.

2.) Football Sundays in a much more relaxed and cheaper atmosphere. While the tv's pale in size in comparison to those of the Crescent, the beer is cheaper and you can usually catch any game you want. Just don't take your friend there when his team has lost four games in the last minute of the game that season and barely win a fifth when Herm Edwards' Chiefs miss the two point conversion. I've never seen a man's choice words for the tv silence a bar so quickly.

3.) If you are a guy and at said bar on a Sunday with the same friend, don't assume the two girls that come in on Sunday morning, sit down and do the crossword, and order beer are your soul mates. Your dreams will be crushed minutes later when their boyfriends show up.

4.) During football season (and perhaps other days), Janet's serves breakfast in the mornings. When I say breakfast, it's a make your own omelet menu. I'd say it's the best breakfast I've had second only to Merritt's.

These are just a few suggestions when going to Janet's. There is something about guys throwing quarters into the corner of the bar, but I still haven't figured that part out yet. And the parking lot lacks a lot of spaces, and sometimes it's necessary to park in the neighborhood behind Janet's, but that's aside the point. Check out Janet's for yourself and see just how jumpin' it is. (Did it work that time?)

"I stood among them, but not of them."- Sarah Wentworth Morton

Drinking in the Desert...

2009-05-11T19:34:00.000-07:00

Let us all take a trip down memory lane. Take a trip to a simpler time; a place where the only worries were making it to class and making your financial aid last until the next semester. (Okay, there were probably more worries than that, but those were the basic ones, aside from girls and jobs.) My friends, we are going to take a journey to my 22nd birthday at the Cactus.

The Cactus is located downtown on Main Street, right next to the hot spot that is Mac And Charlies. Years ago, in those early twenties, the Cactus was a small bar that for the most part was frequented by sad, old men looking to drink the night away. It could have been easily considered the Jim's Alibi of downtown (see my last post about Jim's Alibi.) A few other groups would pop in and out, but it was a quaint little place to hang your hat if you just wanted to chill out for awhile with your friends and listen to the jukebox for a few hours.

It was here a group of my friends took me for my 22nd birthday. On a side note, my 21st birthday had been good, but less than spectacular. I was just beginning to make friends in Boise and my birthday was spent at a cast party for the play King Stag. My first experience buying beer was across the street at the 7/11, in which I wasn't even carded. I did take my first shot of tequila that night. And by shot, I mean tequila was poured into a juice glass that was as tall as a shot glass, but much, much wider. I did manage to drink it all, with no chaser, and later that evening visited the toilet over and over again.

Okay, back to the 22nd birthday. My friends and I had enjoyed quite the evening at the Cactus. For much of the evening, we compiled the main population of the bar, excluding a few regulars and pop-ins. The drinks flowed quickly and often. Hardly a moment went by where my hand was empty of a glass. It was what I considered my true 21st, as I don't recall paying for a drink that night. And the Cactus helped to provide that fun with it's low key settings and inexpensive drinks. As I drifted into oblivion, my friend insisted on one more shot. Despite my pleadings of no, he walked to the bar and returned with a dark colored shot. He placed it down in front of me and told me that I couldn't refuse a free shot. I put on my brave face and slammed the shot down. To my joy, the shot was composed of Pepsi and Pepsi alone. The same little trick had been played on him (Or he had seen it done. Memory is a little fuzzy on that one.) Either way, as I stumbled out the front door with the aid of my friends, I realized my night was complete.

Except it wasn't. Two of my friends, both underage, were waiting back at my apartment drinking forties and playing NBA Live on the Nintendo 64. They had waited to take me to breakfast, which we went and the unfortunate spit incident occurred (an entirely different story for another time.)

So, as it is, the years passed and the Cactus grew in popularity. It's a rarity that on the weekend the Cactus will not be packed. They've even gone as far as to open the back patio, which has heaters and a canopy. The drinks are still cheap and it's a nice place to hang out with friends. Too many people, though, from next door at Gusto's stop in and clog up the place. Though the smell of axe can't quite replace the smell of vomit that has somehow inhabited the place. Personally, I think the two are related but I haven't scientifically proven that yet. Aside from that, grab your friends, get a table, and enjoy the night of memories that the Cactus will likely create.

"I'm shadowboxing in a match the shadow is always going to win."- JFK

Looking for an Alibi

2009-05-05T22:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when you're dreaming with a broken heart, the perfect place to hang your hat is down at Jim's Alibi. The downtrodden men sit on bar stools staring at empty bottles in their hands and meaningless images that dance across the television screen. Willie Nelson plays on the jukebox and the sound of customers shooting pools fills the lonely ears of the even lonelier men.

Jim's Alibi, or simply the Alibi, is located on Broadway Avenue across the street from the Shopko shopping center. The bar, over the years, has not only been a harbor for the lonely men of the world (heart broken or not), but a small bar where friends can gather and wallow in the misery of their lives. As they say, misery loves company.

Okay, it's not that bad. The place has lightened up over the years. The occasional lonely man still makes his appearance at the bar, but what bar doesn't really have a customer like this. Willie does play fairly often on the jukebox, but the music machine is also sprinkled with the likes of Journey, Tim McGraw, Garth Brooks, and AC/DC. The bar offers darts, pool, and also has a pinball machine. Within the last few years, my friends and I have also discovered that the bar carries the DirectTv Major League baseball channels. This allows us to head on over to the bar whenever we want to catch a game of our favorite teams. The bar has four tv's, I believe, so the bartender and/or bouncer is usually willing to let you switch to the team of your desire.

Jim's Alibi has delivered it's fair share of lonely nights. This has also been a place where you meet some interesting characters. And yes, sometimes a fight will break out, but one man usually wises up and stumbles out the door. Or one man's friends will intervene just before anything too serious happens. Keep in mind, this has happened when I visit. I can't promise their will be a fight or that the fight will be broken up, but in my experiences, the spats are over and done quickly. The people go back to their beer and enjoy the moment of loneliness they were previously stuck in.

In concluding, Jim's Alibi is the nice little joint to enjoy a lonely night in which the beer is cheap and the company good. Or, if you and your friends are looking to kick back, relax, and watch a game, the Alibi is also a great place to hang out. If your lucky, you might meet and old man, a World War II vet, who can tell you about flying in Germany and then again ten years later in Korea. Then he can relate those stories many years later to a young man who is fresh off of a break up, reminding the young man that there is a full life to live. Sometimes, after all, the Jim's Alibi can provide a man with the little bit of light he needs in his life.

"So many worlds, so much to do, so little time, such things to be."- Lord Tennyson

Margarita Wednesday

2009-04-27T20:44:00.000-07:00

Come on down to Cafe Ole on Wednesdays. Two for one Margaritas.

Never take those words lightly, especially when visiting the Cafe Ole in downtown Boise. Located at the 8th Street Marketplace (Oh wait, my bad, I need to get with today's lingo. Let's try that again.) Located in BoDo, the Cafe Ole provides drinks and entertainment to help cool down on those hot summer days. More importantly, it does so on Wednesdays with the aid of one man. His name: Fabulous Floyd Stanton.

I first discovered the entertainment styling of Floyd about 9 years ago. This was back when Cafe Ole still had an outdoor patio in which customers could enjoy a nice lunch or dinner outside in the warm night air. Floyd was a karaoke singer, and most of his show involved him singing hits of Motown. Occasionally Floyd would let singers from the audience up on stage, but for the most part, it was the smooth, soulful sound of Floyd that would take the night home. Okay, maybe there was this other guy, an under-aged man fueled up on mountain dew and cigarettes that would sometimes rock the crowd, but I was too busy receiving free tequila shots from a friend of mine that worked at the outdoor mini bar at the Ole.

As usual, time went on and the Cafe Ole became just a memory. Until last summer, that is. I stumbled across an ad that informed me that Fabulous Floyd was still performing at the new and improved Cafe Ole. The patio had been taken away and the restaurant expanded, but it was good to know the same entertainment was still being provided.

It was an August day when two friends and I made our way down to the Cafe Ole. We sat down and ordered our customary pitcher of Bud Light (decently priced; not too expensive, but not exactly cheap.) The area where Floyd performed was off to the left of the restaurant, so many of the people would just stick their heads in and listen to Floyd for a song, and then disappear into the night. A few tables were full and enjoyed the music, but many were just there for the the 2 for 1 margaritas.

Which brings us to our story. After our third pitcher of beer, many laughs, and a lot of Floyd, the three of us decided to move on to margaritas. Our waitress came back to our table and upon us ordering, she informed us that we could get the same deal with a margarita pitcher. We happily agreed to this proposition. Eighteen dollars later and we soon had our two margarita pitchers. The first pitcher was gone in a flash. As we dove into pitcher number two, the tequila began to really take effect. My two friends and I decided it would be quicker to simply place our straws directly into the pitcher and drink that away. Needless to say, the waitress had quite the mess to clean up after we left.

Of course, we did leave shortly after that second pitcher. We closed out our tabs and gave a silent good-bye to Floyd. He took a brief pause to smile his flashy grin and continued to sing the hits of Lionel Ritchie. As we stumbled out the door, I noticed some camping chairs that had been left behind. In my Margarita stupor, I picked them up and carried them out the bar. Most people would have found a way home, but it was nine o'clock, so we decided to push on through the night.

We stumbled across the street and through the courtyard where Alive after Five had just finished up. The families had cleared out, making way for the college students and drunks of the night. The fountain was at full blast and one friend was convinced to run through the fountain. Being new to town, he ran ahead with full conviction. Surprisingly, he came away unscathed and not a drop of water was on him. Being the nice friend that I am, I told him to run through again because he was still dry. Half joking, I expected the answer to be no, but my friend ran through again, this time getting drenched from head to toe.

Two dry guys and a wet one proceeded on into the night. Still not sure why, but we decided to go visit the Balcony. Now, the balcony is a dance club, and while dancing is fun, we tend to only go dancing with a group of people, many of them girls. The Balcony is a good place to do this, and the drinks are average priced. Plus, my now drenched friend had never been there, so we might have tricked him into going there.

The Balcony was nearly empty. We ordered a beer a piece and went outside to sit down. Upon telling a story of my 21st birthday, I mentioned how my friend Ken and I had each drank about six Long Island Teas here at the balcony. Towards the end of the night, being polite as I was, I puked in the bathroom while Ken puked over the balcony at the Balcony. Jokingly, my friend in the wet clothes said he was going to pee over the side of the balcony. With insistence from my other friend, the soaking wet man finally was able to squeeze out enough liquid to go rolling down the awning of the balcony. It was with much relief that no one was standing down below.

So, what have we learned tonight? We have learned that Margaritas are good, in moderation. We have learned that everyone should go to the downtown Cafe Ole on Wednesday at least once to witness the styling of Fabulous Floyd. Of course, we have learned that you must always run through the fountain twice. Oh yeah, and when you grab some camping chairs from inside the Cafe Ole, they probably belong to someone, so it's a good idea to return them. If not you end up carrying them to the Balcony and the other bars you attend that night. It's really more a pain than anything. And that the Balcony is good for dancing, karaoke, and fun times, but not for peeing off the edge.

* I have left my friend nameless here. They can own up to who they are if they want.*

"Now here you must leave all distrust behind; let your cowardice die on this spot."- Dante

Nights at the Tavern

2009-04-21T21:43:00.000-07:00

A fair amount of my time in college on Thursday nights was spent at Suds Tavern. Located on Broadway Avenue just down the street from Bronco Stadium, Suds was the ideal locale to go out, have a good time, and safely walk back to your house/apartment if you were lucky enough to live on or near the campus.

Thursday nights at Suds was the place to be for a young college student. I can't vouch for that now, for I haven't been there on a Thursday in years, and have only visited the place sporadically since my return to Boise. The tiny bar (now expanded slightly) was packed elbow to elbow with guys and girls alike. One would have to arrive before 9 to get a good seat, but that hardly ever mattered, as the bartenders seemed to always be on the top of their games and get you your drinks quickly. Some might even call them "Johnny on the spot" with your beer or shots. On top of that, a wide array of music was played to appease all members of the crowd. People would join in group sing-a-longs all while trying to find the bottom of the cup or there next lay.

Now why, you may be asking, was this place so popular? Well, refined reader, I will tell you. On Thursday nights, it was ten dollar all you can drink (beer) night. You simply pay your ten dollars, get an elegant plastic cup with your name on it, and party like rock stars. Ten dollars was the going price for men, while the ladies drank for five. As luck would have it, a good friend of mine had a brother that was a bartender there, so we drank under what was called the TMA discount. We were both theatre majors and TMA stands for Theatre Majors Association, hence the TMA discount. My good friend spent a lot of time there, and was actually good friends with another bartender, so nary a night went by where we paid anymore than five dollars for our drinks. Life was good.

Suds, with it's five dollar all you can drink beer for the ladies, still often failed to bring out too many girls to this bar. There were a few regulars, girls you'd see every Thursday, and every so often the ratio would be about even. It was one of these nights another friend of mine, a shorter man who most women would simply describe as "good looking" and with "Tom Cruise hair (the longer hair), decided to teach all of us friends at the bar how to pick up women. He explained that first, you needed to pick out the girl you had eyes on. Then, simply stare at her until she made eye contact. After a moment was share, my friend said all that was needed to point at your eyes with your pinkie and index finger, and then do the same towards her. Needless to say, I don't think any of us followed his advice, but I do believe the technique worked for him one time.

Alas, time goes on, bartenders quit, and people move away. The time spent at Suds slowly ceased to happen. As stated earlier, the place did get a little bit bigger to help with the crowds. The only other time I've really seen Suds crowded is on Bronco Football game days. I'm not even sure if the Thursday night special is still around, though the last time I was in there about a month ago the place had drink specials every night on the week. Plus, where else can you go to stand on the old Blue Turf from Bronco Stadium? I imagine the place still has its crowded moments, but I haven't mustered up my 22 year old energy to go there and see. Not yet, anyhow.

On a side note, if you need a place slightly less crowded and considerably smaller, try the End Zone. The place is basically right next door to Suds and you can experience two bars in one night. The same sports fans/college students hang out at this bar as well, and you can get giant beers. Just order a Pounder of Pabst and watch your night unfold.

The Suds days may have ended, but the memories will always be there. And if you happen to be walking home from a long night at Suds, make sure to stop by Winco. It's always a fun time when your friend hops in Handicapped motorized cart and you get to lead him around the store asking the employees where we can find a box of frozen corn dogs. Nothing but the best...

"We are always getting ready to live but never living."- Emerson

Three for One

2009-04-19T21:31:00.000-07:00

Hey there, all. Have a tough day at the office? Just need to get away from all of the hustle and bustle for a few hours? Are you looking for a quiet place, where you can get a cheap alcoholic beverage quickly? Well, then, I certainly don't recommend going to The Bistro, China Blue, or Dirty Little Roddy's on Wednesday through Saturday anytime after 9. These bars are considered the triumvirate of downtown Boise, or as I like to call them, the Three Headed Monster.

Now, I will state that I have only been to Roddy's maybe a total of three times and China Blue once. Maybe my sample size is a little small, but I don't really need much more to experience life at these bars. Drinks are overpriced and when you do need a refill, unless you are a man with massive biceps or an outrageously beautiful woman, chances are the drinks are not going come quickly. You can try flashing money, but the ten I showed the bartender last time I was there did not seem to do the job. Roddy's is a little quicker with there service. I recommend just ordering a bucket of beer (moderately priced). That way, you don't have to worry about fighting your way to the bar as often.

These places are always packed, which is a plus for the owner of these fine establishments. The elite of Boise partake in the joys of these three downtown bars. I use the term elite very loosely, but don't tell that to local gossip website Fame Fifteen. They treat going to China Blue like you are heading into the hottest night spot in Hollywood. They then take your picture and put it up on their website, letting all of Boise know where you were on Friday night. Does Boise really need this? No, but the people love it. Fame Fifteen sends photographers out to these bars all the time, looking for the latest scoop. Was that MJ in the morning doing shots at the bar? Is that former Boise State football player [insert name here] canoodling in the corner with a girl that's not his girlfriend? You know what, Fame Fifteen, leave these people alone. Boise is not Hollywood. Good for you for making buck, but there is a lot more to do in this town than to glamorize the sweet dudes and the prissy women of this town. Give it a rest. (Dear Fame Fifteen, please put my picture up on your website. I will wear my hat slightly tilted, I swear. Just give me a chance.)

Now that I finished that lovely tangent, let's get back to the bars. Roddy's has a mechanical bull, which can be fun if the mood is right. China Blue, well, I can't really say anything too enticing about this place. I'm not against dancing, but did not do any the time I went. I will admit, that over the years, the Bistro has become much more of a tolerable bar to go to. They have some good drink specials, which they always have and I appreciate. The place still gets a little crowded, but it's definitely recommended to get there before nine if you want a seat at the bar or a table. The place has grown over the years, even since the days our theatre department had it's end of the year party there. I will never forget sharing pulls of whiskey from a flask provided to me by a local Shakespeare Festival top actor. (Take that Fame Fifteen). And sometimes it's okay to put $80 worth of Flaming Sambuca's on your friends credit card without him knowing.

Okay, so bottom line, if you want to meet hot women (or guys, for the ladies reading), then these bars are definitely the place to attend. On second thought, maybe I'll put on my Sunday best and go to China Blue next week. Fame Fifteen, get those camera's ready!

"We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and to die."-Nicholas Cage

For the love of Quinns!

2009-04-16T18:25:00.000-07:00

Ah! Quinns is the title of a new play that I'm working that will be a companion piece to Ah! Wilderness. Okay, that is an out an out lie. I'm not writing a new play called Ah! Quinns. As a matter of fact, it's more appropriately the response I give when someone says, "Hey Jason, let's go to Quinns." "Ah, Quinns," I respond half heartedly. "We haven't been there in awhile."

Quinns is in itself a modern scientific marvel. One can have a good time at Quinns and come home thinking it was a horrible time. Or vice versa, for that matter. I guess that's just what this bar/restaurant located on Vista Avenue can do to a man. Or woman. Or thing, really. Hell, Quinns was the lucky establishment my friends and I visited on Mustache Saturday (see: my blog, June 15 2008) and Back Hair Saturday.

Quinns is best observed on Saturday nights, when karaoke is in full effect. (And Thursday's now, too, I've heard. Never participated in that, so I can't give you the logistics just yet.) If you're feeling lucky, you can try hip hop night on Fridays, which I usually never stick around for. Karaoke is run by Stan, the Karaoke guy. It's not his full name, or his stage name for that matter, but it's simply what I call him. Karaoke night on Saturday's usually has the same five to seven people that are always there, plus a group of rowdy people who are there that one night, and you will most likely never see in there again. They do put on a good, drunken show. Which by that I mean they butcher sad bastard country songs that most people have never heard of. The song selection is decent, but Stan does need to look into updating his books. The plus side of that is he does have a collection of CD's that aren't in the book, and if you do him a nice favor, like buying him a shot, he may let you look at them. Or you can always bring your own CD, that way you can put on any number from your favorite musical.

As luck would have it, a lucky patron can get a pitcher of beer for six dollars. That's right, six. I didn't stutter. Quinns serves food until 3am on many nights at a decent price. It's not the greatest food in the world, but it's not the worst. It's especially good after a long night for drinking.

Quinns is home of the seven second Long Island. That, unfortunately, is not a house drink. It was invented by a friend of mine who bet me and another friend that he could finish his Long Island in seven second. Being the cretins we are, we simply laughed at my friend. Well, he proved us wrong and drank that Long Island in seven seconds. And proceeded to do it two more time in the next 20 minutes. That is probably the first and last time I'd ever seen anyone cut off from drinking at Quinns. We took him from the bar and the next thing I knew a basketball I had in my car was rolling down the middle of Vista Avenue and my Long Island friend was trying to chase it down before traffic could run it over. I'd go on, but that would break my earlier rule of what happens after 2am stays in Vegas, so therefore I won't.

I will say that you can really get to know someone in the bathrooms at Quinns. I'm not saying that because hookers patrol the place. I'm just informing everyone that the bathrooms are about 3 by five feet wide. It's always nice when you can take a piss with someone washing their hands right behind your ass. You must be very comfortable with tight spots and not claustrophobic.

Finally, Quinns has the ultimate karaoke God in the man called John. He wears the same blue, flannel shirt every week that I've been there. His top songs include "No One Else on Earth" and "Don't Fear the Reaper". Enjoy his music styling.

Overall, Quinns gets Four Long Islands. Out of seven.

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut"- Hemingway.

A Semi-valiant Return

2009-04-14T19:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog: I'm sorry I left for so long. I'll do my best to never let it happen again.

In effort to get my writing juices flowing again, I decided maybe it was time to write some short (or maybe long) blogs. In the vain of my good friend Danny's blog (check out the link on my site), I've decided to tackle one subject and write about it over a serious of blogs. The topic: The bars in Boise, Idaho.

Each blog maybe a little different, to be forewarned. I may tell some stories from the bars mentioned or it may be a simple review. I haven't thought that far ahead yet. The first one is an experiment, but may indeed hold a sentence or two of a memory. The fact is, many of these hold fond memories of friends lost, friends gone, friends of now, and future friends. Feel free to include any of your favorites in the comment section. Or your dislike/likes of the certain place(s). Or don't.

It has been a great debate between myself and some friends of mine that we have been to nearly every bar in this town. Now, before we are judged as alcoholics (which may be only seven percent true), I would like to point out that part of our journey has been due to boredom. Tired of repeating the same events every Friday, we have searched out bars high and low. While the night generally produces the same end results, it can be said that it's the journey to two o'clock that provides the stories and the memories. And of course, what happens past two o'clock stays in Vegas. Or something like that.

Nestled under the Idanha on 10th Street between Main and Idaho in beautiful downtown Boise is, well, the 10th Street Station. It is located downstairs from the sidewalk and has often been called the "Cheers" of Boise. And with good reasons. Nary a night will pass without seeing a familiar face, including the owners of the bar. Both are very personable and are regularly behind the bar making drinks. Sometimes, if you are considerably lucky, they have your pitcher of bud light already flowing as you head to your seat. (By lucky, I mean by going there anywhere from 2 to 5 times a week.)

The place is fairly small and has two tv's, usually turned to the latest sports game on ESPN. Drinks are cheap (pitchers of Bud Light are $7.50) and the atmosphere is a great place to just sit back and bullshit with your friends for awhile. (Or the staff. They're game for it.) If you're not a fan of sports, you can sit back and listen to the XM Satellite radio. Some people will try to tell you the place has no ventilation and you will die from secondhand smoke, but that point can be contested. I have heard smokers say that, but on the other hand, non smokers have said they can hardly tell the difference between 10th street and other bars.

I'm not going to go too deep into a review of the place. It's usually a fairly quiet crowd, even on Friday and Saturday nights. The place does fill up on the weekends, but for the most part it's a genuine place to go and just hang out with your friends. Or to sit down, have a drink, and write for a little bit. Or do your homework. (Try to, at least.) You can be a regular Joe, a sweet dude, a gorgeous woman, trailer trash, a skater, a punk, a hipster, an artist, or anyone else and fit right in. Hell, if you and your two friends want to pretend to be travelling salesman who are brothers from Minnesota in the refrigeration business feel free. It's better to keep a complete stranger engrossed in this story for two hours and receive free pitchers from him than to run up a high tab, in my opinion. Just don't try it out on me...

"Real loneliness is not necessarily limited to when you are alone."- Bukowski

The Wrestler

2009-01-20T19:12:00.000-08:00

It's not often that I do movie reviews. Let's put that out there right now. Because if I did, you would have seen reviews for such gems as John Tucker Must Die and You, Me, and Dupree posted on here recently. I watched these classics not because I wanted to, but because I felt I owed it to myself to watch some bad movies once in awhile. That, and I was really bored and had a this tremendous wall that was preventing the creativity from flowing. I'd call it a block, but it's been much more than that.

Back to the subject at hand, though. I recently watched The Wrestler starring Mickey Rourke. First off, the movie itself is good. It wasn't the great piece of American Cinema that I was expecting to see, but as a whole the entire thing was a well-made and well-told story that had me invested for its one hour and forty-five minute run. Part of that reason was the always gripping Rourke, who delivers a knockout punch from start to finish. (That sounded a little like Pete Hammond, formerly of Maxim but oh well.) Rourke, in a case of life imitating art, portrays the character of an over the hill wrestler named "The Ram."

Thus, on with the review, right? Not today, my friends. I decided that this wouldn't be so much a review per se, but more of a look at the meaning of the movie and Rourke's character. Basically, "The Ram" was once the greatest show stopper in wrestling entertainment history, ala The Rock or Hulk Hogan. Now, well past his prime, "The Ram" is wrestling at local gymnasiums put on event organizers that are just looking to make a measly buck. He does not necessarily wrestle for the money, which pays very little, but instead wrestling because its the one thing in life he's good at and takes pride in.

This is exactly what draws me to his character. It is also a running theme for another main character in the movie, played by Marisa Tomei. Rourke's character is holding onto the one main thing that is true in his life, which in this case is pro wrestling. So often in life people lose sight of that one thing that makes them happy. They lose track of the one thing in life they completely fell in love with. The movie is simply an examination of doing that one thing you love and living in that world. Sure, maybe he could let go and try to better himself, but is it really worth it if he, or anyone for that matter, doesn't know how to do anything else?

Of course, "The Ram" is tested and has to find this out for himself. He makes very little money, but the end result is that he is doing what he loves. He continues to pursue this one thing in life because the end result may end in his misery, but at the same time it's the only thing he has ever known. He has tried to live the mainstream life, as society puts it, but nothing seems to work. Through all the ups and downs of a man's life, he still has this constant. In "The Ram's" case, this is wrestling and putting on a show for his adoring fans.

Which brings me to the question/statement: At some point in a person's life, they let go completely and fall onto the beaten path, but is it worth it staying in society's norm if you're just as miserable as you would be pursuing your dream? People have all sorts of maps planned out for their life. Some people choose to go the route of college, marriage, job, kids, retirement. That's good for them. Others feel forced into, giving up on dreams, goals, and pursuing that one thing they've always wanted to do. Sometimes, others don't give up on that dream, whether it be actor, writer, doctor, athlete, president, drifter, or pro wrestler. Society can often be unkind towards these people, especially if has taken longer than expected to arrive at said destination.

In the end, though, these people are pursuing what they love. Okay, maybe not drifter, but there are people out there that had a dream to travel and that's exactly what some are doing. Maybe in this case "The Ram" was at the top once upon a time and has fallen from grace, but the point is his he is still enjoying it. He remembers what it was like at the top. Maybe he won't get there ever again, but in the end, wrestling and performing makes him feel like the king of the world. Which, after this movie, Mickey Rourke will once again be.

Jason

P.S. For you wrestling fans reading, there is a hell of a hard core match between Rourke and another wrestler. It's a good ten minute scene in which the wrestlers beat the crap out of each other. Enjoy.

Another Late Night Tangent...

2009-01-07T17:18:00.000-08:00

I lay in bed. Not able to sleep. The sound of traffic rushes by through the brown slush that litters the ground. It's heavy for this time of night but it's not the noise that keeps me awake. It's literally my dumpster of my mind that is cluttered with information that keeps me from sleep this night. Let me begin...

It starts with thoughts of a girl I've been hanging out with. (Not those thoughts, cretins.) Those thoughts some how lead to the song "Patience" by Guns 'N' Roses. That's probably because it's playing on the Ipod so my mind drifts some more. This time I stay more on subject, because the joke leads me to the joke a comedian named Earl used to tell while I was down in LA. Basically, the punchline was that the first time he had sex was to this song. And he was done by time Axl began to whistle. (Hilarious, I know. I chuckle to myself in bed.) Despite my utter, utter love of this joke, I found I did not love L.A. Nor did I hate it. I simply hated the debt. A debt of which I'm still facing to this day. So my mind races to debt and what I can do about it. Nothing. Back to square one.

Square One was a great show on PBS. (You can begin to see how my mind was working. Sometimes, it's easier than counting sheep. I try it at work and I can ignore customers for hours this way). Thinking of all that it taught me about math and introducing me to Reg E. Cathy. Then the math brings me back to debt, and I simply push that notion aside while my cat paws at my face. I push her to the ground and momentarily think about setting her on my ex-girlfriends step, wrapped in a big bow. "I couldn't do that. No fate is that cruel," I sez to myself. That's right: sez! There's a moment of silence as I segue to the next thought. Which for some reason is the Boston Red Sox and how they better re-sign Jason Varitek. I think that the Red Sox need a good quality catcher; that is until Russell Martin comes over from the Dodgers in some miracle trade that will no likely piss Danny off.

Danny wrote a blog tonight. I better write one soon or I will be laughed off the Internet. I will log on one day and my account will not be there. The note on the Internet will simply say "the No Jasons Club." And of course, Jason Patric will already have a blog, so I would be one Jason too many. Aah, the Simpsons.

The Simpsons take me back to a simpler time. One where I could laugh and have fun without the joys of alcohol. (There goes my mind tangent again. Alcohol not present, suddenly I've connected the dots through haphazard thoughts again. Go figure.) Does anyone remember those times? Before alcohol, when fun could be had sane and sober. It had to happen at one point. Maybe alcohol has become a crutch. I used to have a beer to have fun. Now, I have one because I'm bored. And everything seems funner that way. That can't be the way of life, can it. I mean, my friends and I used to have fun sans booze, right. I mean, we went to those plays in college. (Wait, booze.) Okay, we saw Episode II of Star Wars (illicit drugs). I mean, there had to be one time we did something fun without the aid of booze.

I rack my brain. Not to intensely, but I come to the realization that it doesn't matter. I haven't been nearly as drunk as them. I simply revel in their good times and their tomfoolery. Okay, not really. I have been nearly as drunk as them on most occasions. The fact is, the good times and memories are always there, no matter booze aided or clean and sober. It's the memories that matter, man. The good times. I don't know, but at that exact moment, I become sentimental and realize that things are fine. That, despite being thirty and bed ridden the last two days with a mysterious illness, my life is not flashing before my eyes. I am simply remembering that life is long, and that maybe it's time to get started on having one.

Then Sleep. Where I dream of a bicycle, a maze, Christmas time, and a girl? Can someone get me a dream dictionary please?

Enough already...

2008-12-27T11:40:00.000-08:00

By de facto, I became a San Diego Chargers fan. I will state that right away. Over the years, though, they have grown on me, and I would say they are my second favorite team, losing out to the Chicago Bears as favorite. That being said, it would be understandable that I would defend Philip Rivers in a conversation of who's the better the quarterback: Rivers or Jay Cutler. The fact is, even if I wasn't a fan of the Chargers, Rivers would be my winner every time. And this was before I even looked at the season and career stats of each quarterback.

The reason I'm putting this out there today is that because I'm tired of watching the Denver Broncos on television and always hearing what a great quarterback Jay Cutler is and what a hothead Philip Rivers is. I could say that I've watched many Denver Bronco games over the past two years, and Jay Cutler is one of the biggest cry babies I've seen to play the game in recent years. Every time something goes wrong the "man" is immediately whining to the refs or the sidelines. Yet, announcers and fans alike love his passion and athleticism just the same. Now, I've seen Rivers get fired up after a bad call or after a touchdown, and the announcers usually reform to a complete opposite viewpoint. They call him a childish football player and he needs to learn some respect for the game. Is this the same thing about Brett Favre, another passionate football player who would pull out the same kind of antics?

Not to mention, Jay Cutler pretty much stated he was better than John Elway. Sure, he tried to retract it by saying that he can throw the ball farther than John Elway, but we all know what Cutler meant. Has Philip Rivers said that yet? No. He simply goes out and does his job, like playing hurt during last years AFC Championship game. Sure, the Chargers lost, but they wouldn't have even been close if Rivers didn't play.

As far as this blog goes, here's a few stats that I'd like you all to see. First, we have this season's stats:
RIVERS: 64.8% completion rate with 32 TD's, 11 INT, and 3802 yards.
CUTELER: 61.9% completion rate with 24 TD's, 16 INT, and 4210 yards.

So, looking at those numbers, I bet it's easy to figure out who's the Pro Bowl Quarterback. Well, you'd be wrong. Rivers will be at home while Cutler will be in Hawaii.

I also keep hearing that Cutler is doing all this without a running game. Well, let me throw these numbers at you. The Denver Broncos, as a team, have 377 attempts for 1772 yards. That's an average of 118.1 yards per game, which ranks twelfth in the NFL. The Chargers have carried the ball 379 times for 1477 yards. That's an average of 95.8 yards again on basically the same amount of attempts, which is good for 28th in the league. There goes that theory right out the window. Denver also has the better offensive line, which has only allowed 11 sacks this year, while San Diego has allowed 23.

So, Jay Cutler has the better running attack, a better offensive line, and a star receiver, yet he still can't put up better numbers than Philip Rivers. Cutler has a career record of 17-19 while Rivers is 31-16. Rivers does have on more season under his belt, but Jay Cutler hasn't proved anything yet. The Chargers made it to the AFC Divisional Playoff and AFC Conference Championship in each of Rivers' first two seasons. Cutler is scraping buy in an attempt to barely eke out a playoff spot. All I'm simply asking is that Rivers start to get the respect he deserves. And come Sunday, that respect will be rightfully deserved.

Christmas Time is near...

2008-12-18T18:17:00.000-08:00

Aah, the Holiday season. A time to celebrate with friends and family. A time of giving and love. A time to become completely inebriated. All in all, 'tis the season to be merry. So, in order to fully appreciate the season, I've decided to open this blog to you, the avid reader. I am presenting 8 questions about the holidays that I desperately need answered. Feel free to leave comments or questions of your own. It's time to collaborate as a group and turn this season on its head. (I do know by doing this I open myself up to any ridicule you may have. Proceed.) And away we go...

1.) Does Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer really want to be associated with Columbus?
1a) And do reindeer really enjoy playing football?

2.) If it is technically summer in Australia, then shouldn't they celebrate Christmas on June 25th, in the middle of winter?

3.) Has there ever been an elf that has sued Santa over labor abuse?
3a) Is there such a thing as an Elvin Union?

4.) When Bing Crosby is singing about a White Christmas, is he singing about cocaine?

5.) In a Christmas Story, Ralphie is repeatedly told he'll shoot his eye out if he gets a Red Ryder BB gun. Lo and behold, he gets the gun and shoots his eye out. The question I pose to you is this: Is there really a point to this timeless classic of a movie?

6.) Why haven't the McAllisters been arrested for child abandonment yet?

7.) If Santa is so magical, why hasn't he magically placed a girl under my tree on Christmas morning?

8.) What exactly is a yule log?

There it is. Answer as many as you'd like. Or answer none. There are days I just need to write something, and today is one of those days. I look forward to our future correspondence.

J-Money

Fans of no one...

2008-12-15T17:37:00.000-08:00

Philadelphia. The City of Brotherly love. The city where liberty rings true. And the city where fans notoriously booed and pelted Santa Claus with snowballs. It's been forty years since that infamous incident occurred and it got me thinking about what fans in other sports cities do when Santa arrives at their games. Do they boo if their teams is suffering through a horrible season, like the Eagles were doing that year? Or do they open old Kris Kringle with open arms? Let's take a look.

Oakland Raiders: Raiders' fans would be glad they overpaid for an aging Santa and then show rabid disinterest upon realizing that Santa is old and fat.

Dallas Cowboys: The fans in Dallas will be happy Santa has arrived at first, but when he starts complaining about the Tooth Fairy not being his friend, the fans will boo loudly. They then will cheer again when Santa does his wild end zone dance and leads the team to another first round playoff exit.

Los Angeles Lakers: At first glance, Lakers' fans will mistake Santa for Lou Adler. A smattering of mild applause will occur when they realize that the man is indeed Santa. It is well documented that people in LA love their C-list celebrities and Santa is no different.

Oklahoma City Thunder: I'll just pose the classic, timeless question on this one: If no one is at the game to see him, does Santa really exist?

Los Angeles Dodgers: The fans at Dodgers Stadium don't generally arrive at the stadium until the third inning, so most of them won't even realize that Santa was even there.

Tampa Bay Rays: Fans wouldn't even show up until they had confirmation that Santa was real. When getting that proof, they would come out in droves and yell to the heavens that they had belief all along.

Boston Red Sox: Fans in Boston would be happy at first, but then complain about the curse of Santa until the Red Sox won another World Series.

Chicago Cubs: Santa will arrive to throw at the first pitch. Fans will watch him stumble on the way to the mound and then choke when the big moment arrives. Jim Belushi will cry yet offer Santa a guest spot on According to Jim. Santa will decline, stating he'd rather live with the label of being a choke artist than hang out with Jim Belushi.

That is just a small glimpse of what sports fans in other cities would do if Santa was nice enough to grace them with his presence. I would write more, but due to Reggie Theus' firing today from the Sacramento Kings today, I have to go do a re-write on my Hang Time: The Next Generation treatment. It's time Theus returned to acting.

Until we meet again...

A Big Pile of B(c)S

2008-12-09T17:00:00.000-08:00

Let me pose a few questions to start this off with: In Blackjack, if you get a 21 and the dealer has less than that or busts, does the dealer still win because he played tougher opponents this round? In baseball, do the LA Dodgers win the division but are punished by not making the playoffs because they play in an inferior division? The answer to both of these questions, without me even having to state it, is no. The teams or blackjack players are both rewarded for their hard work, no matter what the case may be.

Why is it then, in college football, they can't seem to figure out this whole bowl fiasco. I'm not even talking just about the undefeated Boise St. Broncos. (More on that later.) I'm also talking about the five teams with one loss that deserve equal opportunity as the two playing for the National Championship. Who's to say that these teams don't deserve the same chance? Well, a computer, that's who. Some computers sitting in a basement at NCAA headquarters that input a random chance of numbers and graphs that decide who will play for the National Championship. Computers and a biased coach's poll in which coaches often vote for friends of theirs or other storied programs.

Let us not forget the automatic inclusion of the so called "power" conferences. Is a 9-4 Virginia Tech team really worthy of playing in a major bowl game. Or how about an 11-2 Cincinnati team that barely beats Hawaii? Even more so, how about a 10-2 Ohio State team that is ranked lower than BSU in the BCS and has been walloped in their last two major bowl games? Point being, the system is not right and needs to be fixed.

My proposal, BCS masters, is very simple. It's called a 16 team playoff. Four weeks of hard nosed, action packed football and it still ends in the same time in January as it does now. You can even keep your automatic qualifiers from the six "major" conferences. After that, you take the teams that are ranked highest in the final polls. Or if a team like formerly unbeaten Ball State is just on the outside of those rankings, throw them in there as the 16th seed and see how they can do. Each week, we eliminate a team, but at least it would be giving teams to see how they really stack up against one another. Each game can be played at a neutral sight, with the final eight being played at places like the Sugar Bowl, The Fiesta Bowl, The Rose Bowl, and The Orange Bowl. That way, these cities still get their precious money and we get to see the best teams playing each week. You can even throw in your small, random bowls for other teams that didn't make the playoffs.

The idea is not perfect, granted, but it is an option. Perhaps teams will start playing weaker opponents in the start of the year to secure wins, but its not like that doesn't happen now. The reason Oklahoma has the number 1 seed this year is because they played higher quality pre-conference opponents. Professors will argue that the kids need their education and that's the priority. In reality, what's another month of football. It's become a year round institution and if a team did make it to the final, the last two games are over Christmas break for most schools anyway. Every great suggestion is flawed, but there are always reasonable answers.

As for BSU, the question for you, BCS, is this. Why is undefeated Utah considered so much than undefeated BSU? You can't possible argue that because Utah beat Michigan they are any better. Michigan had their worst season in over fifty years and didn't even get to five win. Meanwhile, Boise St. beat a nine win Oregon team at Oregon. Not to mention, the bottom of the Mountain West Conference is just as bad as the WAC. Oh yeah, Boise State is undefeated against the Mountain West. Including a win at Utah just a few years ago. The teams are evenly matched and both should have the opportunity to enjoy a major bowl game. This may not have been the year Boise State took down Goliath, but with the young talent they are loaded with, that victory may just be right around the corner.

As it is, nothing will change this year. I will gladly watch as Boise State takes on TCU in which should be a very good game. And I will be watching the next week when Texas thumps Utah and sends them back to Salt Lake whimpering like dogs. I just hope the system can be fixed shortly and we can enjoy a true playoff and find a true national champion in the near future. Until then, the questions will continue to arise and we will ask what might have been with an undefeated BSU team and a one loss Penn St. team.

And Mark May, BSU would have not lost four games in the Mountain West this year. Check your facts and get off the air.

J.

We interrupt this program...

2008-12-03T18:40:00.000-08:00

Now that the holiday season is in full swing, it is time to take a look at the holiday programming that is about to hit the airwaves. There are of course the classics, but as we look further down the list, some curious choices are dotting the programming.

Rudolph: Dec. 3rd, CBS (8pm EST)
A classic story of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and his journey to fame. ****

A Very Brady Christmas: Dec. 9th ABC Family (4pm EST)
The Brady's re-unite in this Christmas Story for the ages. **

Lost: A Christmas Special: Dec. 10th ABC (9pm EST)
Join John Locke as he returns to America three years in the future, just in time to spend Christmas with the people around him who he thought were dead. And to explain to us the Christmas miracle of why millions of people wasted six years of their life following the show. *

Christmas in the Hills: Dec. 14th MTV (Check Local Listings)
Spencer and Heidi tell stories of Christmas' past. Lauren laments on the fact because of the economy she can only spend two weeks in Cabo instead of the usual three. Good looking, shallow people complain about the holidays and their problems in life. **

Wine and Coke: A Lindsay Lohan Christmas: Dec. 18th VHI (11pm EST)
Lindsay Lohan allows some of her top fans to read her Christmas blogs. Various topics will include items about Obama's Christmas, why she hates Facebook, and why she became a lesbian. Lohan scheduled to appear wearing her Christmas outfit from Mean Girls. ***

CSI: North Pole: Dec. 19th CBS (9pm EST)
After a stable of reindeer is found littered with elf carcasses, the CSI crew must find the killer before Christmas Eve and then help get the toys out on time. Guest starring George Wendt as Santa and Heather Graham as a naughty North Pole stripper. Directed by Quentin Tarantino. ***

American Idol: Home for the Holidays: Dec. 22nd FOX (8pm EST)
Paula Abdul sits by a fireplace and enjoys a bottle of wine. And then another. And then three more. Special Appearances by Randy Jackson, Clay Aiken, Jim Dunkleman, and the dancing cat. *

Santa Clause 4: The who gives a fuck clause: Dec. 23rd TNT (5pm EST)
Tim Allen returns yet again as Santa Claus in this yawner of a remake of It's a Wonderful Life. This time around, Santa thinks he has become un-important in life and is taken on a journey by Co-Star Richard Karn. And by journey, we mean two hours of Family Feud.

Christmas Eve with Sarah Palin: Dec. 24th CBS (11pm EST)
Listen as the former vice-president-in-waiting regales us with stories about hunting, beauty pageants, and shopping. Time allotting, she will inform us how a women from Alaska speaks like a person from Minnesota. **

Christmas Day: A Jim Belushi Spectacular: Dec. 25th ABC (Noon EST)
Live from Disney World, Jim Belushi hosts the Disney World parade, then in true Jimbo fashion bores us to death with his bland comedy. We get it, he loves the Cubs, and all he wants for Christmas is a Cubs World Series. Other events include Belushi on Ice and Belushi sleds down the Thunder Mountain wearing a Santa Suit. *****

From the looks of it, this is going to be one very exciting Christmas.

Back in the High Life Again...

2008-12-01T18:13:00.000-08:00

Guess who's back? Back again. Jason's back. Back again.

After nearly a month long layoff, I am back with a quick update. I was going to open this by saying hello ladies and germs, but I decided the world isn't ready for 30s style comedy again. I will put that off until I feel everyone has earned it.

The reason I have not posted a new blog is because I was busy working on my new novel for novel writing month. The goal was to have a 50,000 word novel completed by November 30th. Let's just say I only reached 20,000 words, so I fell a LITTLE below the goal. I was rolling rather nicely until my birthday weekend, but the last week the motivation left me. I guess that's what a weekend full of whiskey, rum, and losing money will that do that to a person. I plan on posting the final chapter I had written within a day or two and take a break from it for a month. The link for the novel is on my profile. If you just click on my lovely picture on this site, then click on the Palm Trees and Paradise link, you can read all that I've posted. Don't worry, though, the novel will be completed, I just have some other projects I am attempting to finish this month.

A lot happened in the month of November, and I plan to get back to talking all about it. Like, did you know Spencer and Heidi got married in Mexico? You probably didn't, because no one cares and if you don't, I'd like your feedback on why you do. These two would never be famous unless it was for MTV. Both are very useless.

For all you cheeseheads, quit blaming Aaron Rodgers for all of the Packers troubles. His stats are very similar to Brett Favre's so cut the kid a break.

If any BCS voters happen upon this page, keep in mind that Boise State fans will travel. Even if they would have trouble in a BCS game THIS year, I'd still rather watch them play than Ohio St. If my math is correct, Boise State beat Oregon, who beat Oregon St., who beat USC, who beat Ohio St. Therefore, Boise State is better than USC and Ohio St. I believe it's called the Fibonacci sequence. Look into it.

That's all for now. Peace and Goodwill towards men.

Jason

I just can't stop...

2008-11-02T22:25:00.000-08:00

BUCKETS OF BEER

Charlie and Martha pave the way
as the Bud Light keeps the company
of rainy days and lost innocence.

Spilled beer leads to nothing
but heartache
and still lit cigarette butts.

A non-bloody war
of cans and left over yogurt
can only lead to glory.

Outside
the rain falls gently
on easier times.

Inside
the boys deal with bad aim
and a black eye.

Surrounded by a sea of trash
the beer is gone
and the ego is still wounded.

Can you believe its only midnight on Saturday?

Sex and Violence

2008-10-27T21:42:00.000-07:00

"Hi kids, do you like violence. Wanna see me stick nine inch through each one of my eyelids." (That's old Marshall Mathers aka Eminem aka Slim Shady, for those of you that don't know) Well, apparently in at least two movie theaters in Utah, the kids do like their violence. It was announced by movie theater owner Larry Miller and his representatives that they will not be showing Zach and Miri Make a Porno, the upcoming new release by filmmaker Kevin Smith. They have deemed this movie to graphic and too close to an NC-17 rating to show in their peaceful little town. Meanwhile, at the same theaters, kids indulged themselves in showings of Saw V this past weekend. Let's see, two people making films about sex to pay rent or a person forced to either be blown up by a bomb or dig a key from behind their eyeball to save their life (okay, that's Saw II but you get the point). Seems pretty cut and dry to me.

While the pendulum on this issue seems to sway back and forth most of the time, it more often than not leads towards the showing/depicting of sex that takes the brunt of criticism. Take, for example, in movies. I worked at a movie theater for four plus years of my life, and had the pleasure of dealing with parents dropping off their kids, aged 12-16, to watch rated R movies. After kindly informing the parents they would need to attend the movie with their kids, I'd say a good 80 percent of parents asked me if their was sex/nudity in it. If I replied no, the answer was usually, "Then why can't they go alone? I don't care if my kids sees guts/gore/blood/violence. As long as there are no breasts." Are you kidding? There are breasts in life just as much as is there violence. You'd rather let your kid watch a movie where someone is gutted than let them watch two seconds of nudity? Should you really be letting your twelve year old watch Saw anyways? The answer should be no, but it hardly ever was. I'm not one to tell people how to parent, but at least realize what your kid is watching first.

I can use the aforementioned Eminem as the other side of the spectrum, just for a brief glimpse at the other side of the argument. When his music blazed onto the scene in the late 90s, parents and religious advocates chided him for his masochistic and violent rhymes. They wanted to skim right over the songs were he was asking parents to take the blame once in awhile. In true form, they let their kids go buy Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, both who had a plethora of sex appeal and who's songs oozed with sexual tension and sexual innuendos.

Now that is out of the way, back Larry Miller, owner of the Utah Jazz and car dealerships throughout the state of Utah. While he is more than in his right to not show a movie, at least do it because of the merit of the movie. Maybe don't show Saw V. Not because of it's violence, but maybe because it's not a good movie. This is the same man that refused to show Brokeback Mountain. The reason, as we all know by now, is because of his religious beliefs. Maybe nobody in this town would have seen it, but I think that is doubtful. This is the state that hosts a tiny independent film festival at Sundance every year, and from what I've heard, has a fairly prestigious film program at BYU. While there may have been other places to catch the film in this market, Larry Miller had a chance to prove he was above a petty man, but he didn't. Of course, he owns the Utah Jazz, so I don't blame him.

Now, I'm not saying Zach and Miri is an Oscar worthy movie, but it's not even getting the chance in these theaters. Even certain tv channels have taken from removing the "make a porno" part from the title. Kevin Smith is a good filmmaker and has earned the right to have his movie shown to all parts of the country. I'm sure he isn't losing sleep over two theater chains in Utah, but at the same time, he should have the same equal opportunity as Saw V. Maybe Larry Miller can look at this movie as a metaphor for today's society. These two people in the title are cannot afford to get the basic things in life, i.e. shelter, electricity, food, so they decide to make money anyways they can. Many people in today's economy are looking to get money any way they can. Sure, they aren't making pornos, most probably won't, but I'm guessing Larry Miller would want people to creature elaborate games of murdering people to get money than to have sex. Perhaps that's not exactly the point of Kevin Smith's film, but it's a thought. It's what the bible would have wanted.

Speaking of which, there's plenty of sex and violence in the bible. Check out Genesis. Or Deuteronomy 20:10-17. Or Revelation 20:7-10. Just a little side note, thought it might be useful. I won't get into the religious aspect or the fact religious groups blame way too much on pop culture because that is an entire different blog in and of itself.

To be quite honest, this is an argument that could go on forever. I could bring up CleanFlix, a company from the same state that takes the sex and cursing out of movies. I could argue that parents weren't upset with Grand Theft Auto until the developers put in the main character simulating sex with a hooker. I don't have statistics on that one, so I won't go into it. I could get into Elvis not being shown on television below the waist due to his gyrating hips. I just think it's a sad state when parents would much rather sit their kids in front of crappy horror movies or crappy Vin Diesel movies than let them watch a comedy about people in their 20s attempting to make a porno. To me, the movies with sex are usual more rooted in real life than any of the Hostel movies that have come out. Kids should be shown how to murder but they should not be shown about sex. Why corrupt our kids with the love between men and women? Or in the case of Brokeback Mountain, which is the love between a man and man, but a story about the struggle of love for straights and homosexuals. People are so quick to jump to conclusions about sex, that they forget their is usually something much deeper than just a title. Just because it has the word "Porno" in it doesn't necessarily make it an evil movie. Though when a movie does have the word "Saw" in it, well, it probably has a saw in it and makes it an evil movie. And Larry Miller, I forgive you for living in your fantasy world where you try to control sex, but not violence. You do own the Utah Jazz after all.

J.

Creative Thoughts

2008-10-22T21:38:00.000-07:00

I'm flying high. And it's never going to happen again because the end of existence draws nearer with each breathtakingly painless day. Where does it all go? Red bunnies jump forth into dark semi-circles of madness. Their jumping is worthless because those stupid little green leprechauns who travel around with gold coins rule the world. The rich get richer.

Time slips away, her breath moving farther away. Regret. There is no regret. Life is full. Regret nothing. There is no time for regret. Regret nothing. Fear everything. Save your mortal soul.

The bond is gone, carried to a shallow grave dug by one-armed midgets with no knowledge of how the world really works. Who really does, though? Certainly not me. She is gone, without a trace, buried into the night air. Not the one that took your innocence, but the one that was there to restore it. The road taken was the one more traveled upon. Experience does matter. So do brains. An intellectual conversation is a much better one to have than a conversation of nothing. Lifeless I now am. There is no mortal soul to save when the wrath of God bears down heavily upon my shoulders.

The pain is too great. Sorrow. Sweet, sweet sorrow. The weight of the gun is not there. There is no weight at all. Light as a feather. It ended just like that. The bullet tore deep and at that moment I never felt more alone. The blood gushed out in a sprinkle of red splatter. It pooled around her. Her cherry lips quivered not with fear but with love. Who would have guessed? Her death was her greatest happiness and my biggest relief. Two people meant to spend together forever. What have I done? What have I done?

It was the numbness and the warm water on my face that brought me awake. Once again, I had fallen asleep in the shower, my body turning to that prune-like feeling I hate so much. I look around the shower, and develop an odd deja vu. The shower reminds me exactly of the shower at my Grandpa's house. I move past it, the weight of the invisible gun still filling my stomach. I reach for the rum, take a long drink, and return to my dreams of killer bunnies and psychedelic leprechauns. That's the last time I watch the Muppets...

Jason

Taking the Devil out of Tampa

2008-10-20T20:59:00.000-07:00

Congratulations, Tampa Bay Rays. You have played a great series against the Boston Red Sox and now will be traveling to the World Series. While I have been a lifelong Red Sox fan and am thoroughly disappointed their season ended, I will tip my hat to the Rays. They are a young, talented team that I have not learned to completely hate (except for Willy Aybar) and I wish them best of luck in the World Series.

As for you, city of Tampa Bay, you do not get off that easy. For ten long years you have suffered...give me a break! Suffering is not ten years of occasionally taking your family to the game in the summer to watch the Rays only because they are playing only the Red Sox or the Yankees. Suffering is watching Bill Buckner and Aaron Boone ruin your childhood dreams crumble before you. Suffering is waiting twenty years and counting for a World Series, like Dodgers fans. (Of course, I mean the ones that don't go to the game for just the third through seventh innings. That is a completely different blog.) Suffering is being a Padres fan, who have never won the World Series. Suffering is being a Pirates fan, because, well, they aren't very good. And the ultimate suffering in baseball belongs to the Chicago Cubs, whose story was mentioned in an earlier blog.

No, no, Tampa Bay, you can't call yourselves suffering fans. Sure, the franchise has been one of the worst teams over the last ten years. Maybe you didn't have reason to cheer, but this team was good all year. Instead, you wait until September to go to the games. The Rays (formerly the Devil Rays) averaged what must of been around 15,000 fans a game until mid-September. All of you front runners waited until the playoff spot was almost clinched to start showing up. Remember the Tampa Bay Lightning? I'm sure some of you do. You started going to their games when they won the Stanley Cup. Where are you now? Nowhere to be seen. Maybe hockey doesn't belong in Tampa Bay, but that's beside the point. If you call yourself a fan, you stick with the team for the good and bad, no matter how the bad may get.

Half of you probably couldn't have even named five players before this season began. You probably wondered what Eva Longoria was doing playing on a baseball team. That being the case, please do me a favor. Go back to your shuffleboard, your Tampa Bay Buccaneers, your semi-annual trips to Orlando to see Disney World, and your retirement homes. Nobody needs to see you prancing around just because your "team" won something. Because God knows, three fourths of you will be back to not watching baseball again next spring, even if this team returns the majority of it's players. You don't deserve a championship, even if the team does.

Feels better to get that off my chest. It's been brewing for a few weeks and tipped over last night. Sometimes, I can't control this anger. Especially since last night I wanted to watch Jonathan Papelbon do his Irish Jig and then go jump into the tank of sting rays behind the outfield wall at Tropicana field. Oh well, maybe next year.

This is News?!?!?!?

2008-10-15T16:25:00.000-07:00

The Channel 12 team in Boise has been been duped again. At least in my opinion, anyhow. Let me explain.

As I was enjoying Shayne Wells and her beautiful looks, she began her next story. (At least I think it was her that did the story. I get really lost during their nine o'clock newscast sometimes). She was talking about a website called stdcarriers.com. The crew at Fox had discovered this website and found out that it functioned as an "outing" of sort of people around the country that had an STD. It was basically set up as people that felt burned (Burned? Get it...) by an ex-fling, one night stand, or lover that had failed to mention they had an STD. The story went on to report that many people were on the STD list, while only one person was listed on the STD free list. The reporter went as far to call the creator of the website, uncovering that he started the site because he had slept with a girl that failed to mention she had herpes. Therefore, revenge was his.

The story was short, probably a blip on most people's radars, and not even watched. The usual banter of whether it was legal, ethical, etc., etc., etc., was debated. The end.

Or not quite. Do to my curiosity (Std Free here, just to put that out there) I went to this website. It was exactly how Fox 12 described it. There were breakdowns of who had STD's, who was STD free, and a link to report people who had given you the business and their STD's. My curious mind continuing, I clicked on the STD carrier link. The first one was most likely the girl this guy slept with. Then I looked at the rest of the list. Here's a few names I stumbled across: Earvin Johnson (Magic, in some circles), Rudy Galindo, Naomi Judd, David Crosby, David Hasselhoff, and Michael Vick. That's right, popular athletes, c list musicians and actors, and various porn stars were the names that populated this website. Their diseases ranged from HIV to genital herpes to hepatitis C. All of these people have either made their disease public already or medical records easily found.

The point is, I believe Fox 12 should look a little deeper into the stories they are presenting on the air. Basically, if you are going to sleep with a celebrity, former playmate, or gay ice skater, please, please check this list. You will be saving yourself a lot of hassle. It could be an honest mistake, sure, but don't they have anyone at this station that knows anything about pop culture. I can see how you maybe glance over the name Earvin Johnson because it's not the name he's known by. David Hasselhoff, though, come on! He's a star everywhere. I would boycott Channel 12, but I'm still looking for that chance meeting with Shayne Wells, so I will watch. If only because we would have something to talk about. Who knows, maybe it was all a joke by Fox 12 as well, and they put one over on me. Either way, please take time to research your stories in the future.

By the way, the one person listed on the STD free link was Tony Bennett. That's right, the 82 year old crooner is STD free, so ladies, have a hey-day.

Jason

A message to America...

2008-10-13T18:10:00.000-07:00

I'm going to apologize right off the bat. I am not going to be speaking about Spencer from The Hills like I had promised. I decided that even I don't want to waste any more time or braincells talking about him or even mentioning his name. That is that, so get off my back.

First off, America, maybe you missed my earlier blog about using your minds because you're at it again. Maybe it happens with every presidential election, I don't know, but things are getting out of hand. I read today that recent pollsters have found out that Sarah Palin is actually causing her and John McCain to lose ground in the presidential race. Contrary to popular belief it is not because of her general lack of experience. No, no. According to three men with clipboards and mechanical pencils, it is simply because Tiny Fey is mocking her on Saturday Night Live.

Now, I know very well that pop culture has an overwhelming effect on America. Why else do women buy little dogs that fit in their purse, where over-sized sunglasses, and buy US Weekly? This little item of interest, though, is going too far. If people are really letting a skit on Saturday Night Live affect their opinion, then they are truly out of touch and we as a nation are in trouble. One, because it's a tv show mocking her. And two, it's because it's a tv show mocking how she truly is. People should be able to clearly see that she is inexperienced and barely knows how to answer a question that is thrown in front of her. By simply stating, "I'm a maverick," will not win every argument. Nor will it provide America with the comfort that she is a smart, sassy woman.

At this point, though, I don't know if I can blame the public or the people wasting their time to ask potential voters the question of whether or not they let SNL influence their voting opinion. I mean really people, were you big Palin fans to begin with? Did Tina Fey's dead on impersonation really convince you to vote for Obama? Normally, in this case, I would argue it's the pollsters to blame, but this time I'm going for the public. Instead of listening to the candidates and their platforms, people vote for the candidate that is better looking, more popular, speaks better, or whoever George Clooney or Clint Eastwood vote for. While I'm glad celebrities are encouraging people to vote and are voicing their opinions, that's what they simply are: an opinion. In the end, it is up to the voter to make an educated decision on who they want for president. Don't simply vote because you like a sketch or because your state votes Red. Vote because that person is willing to make a change to this country.

For you myspace users, Obama is not a terrorist, nor is he the anti-Christ. Quit trying to use your fuzzy math to connect passages from the revelations to say that Obama will ruin the world. I'm actually surprised the Gallup Poll hasn't put that on their questionnaire yet. I guess there is still time, though, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

J.

By the way, I'm voting for Obama because he can bang the three...

Just a little life update

2008-10-07T18:18:00.000-07:00

Dear valued readers,
As Columbus Day approaches, it is time for my annual Columbus Day letter. I am living in Boise, ID going on my second year now. I have a beautiful apartment that overlooks the Homeless Shelter in beautiful downtown Boise and is only minutes away from the Fire Department. The location is great, and allows me to walk home from the bar if I ever desired. It's a little cramped in here with all of my boxes of stuff. I have a bike in my kitchen, no couch, and a twin sized bed that barely fits me. Things are going really well.

I continue to be employed with US Bank. It is one of the top five banks in the nation, so I am not worried about my job. Though if people keep taking their money out of the bank, the dollar is really going to drop. So stop it... I've been employed there for over a year and a half, so the stability is nice.

The Red Sox are inching closer to the World Series. I am hoping for a Red Sox/Dodgers World Series, well, because that would be interesting. My friend Danny is a huge Dodgers fan (he apologizes) and I am a part of Red Sox Nation, so one of us may possibly die if this World Series occurs. Of course, each has one more series to win, so I'm not quite counting my chickens before they hatch.

Single life is still happening for me right now. Not that I have a problem with that, but it would be nice to have a girlfriend now and then. Maybe I should stop looking at the Overland Bar. What's that? Charlie Brown's has ladies... Sweet.

As for my writing, that is still going strong. I am only a few chapters away from finishing my fantasy novel. Once finished and proofread, I will submit it to publishers and/or publish it myself. I am also working on a new play that I hope to have a read thru of by the end of the month, so I'll keep you updated on that. My good friend Carmen and I are looking to produce a play this December (hopefully) so if anyone knows of place that would put us up, please let me know. Am also submitting screenplays, looking for agents, blah, blah, blah, just the usual nose to the grindstone bull... Also, coming this spring, I hope to premiere the short film BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE: The harrowing story of Coach Boom Dynamite, who coaches hard and drinks hard.

So, that is that. I mostly wrote this to keep up with Danny's posts and to also update a few people I may not see every day. Until next time, when I examine the sociological impact of Lauren Conrad's fashion line and Spencer's laziness.

J.

Curse this!

2008-10-05T14:16:00.000-07:00

I've decided to write this blog as a response to Danny's blog (dcerublog.blogspot.com). He is apparently very tired of everyone saying how the Cubs lost because they are cursed, or they simply lost because they didn't play well. Well, Mr. Cerullo, the Cubs are cursed. They didn't play well at all. So, for the hell of it, here are ten reasons the Cubs are cursed.

10.) Tuffy Rhodes hit three home runs in his first game in a Cubs uniform. Where is he now? Who knows. He probably didn't three more home runs in his career all because he hit them for the Cubs.

9.) Moises Alou pees on his hands. That's why the Cubs lost in 2003. That's not anyway to get rid of a curse. And the curse knew it.

8.) Okay, we all know about the goat. Why can't a goat go watch a baseball game? The guy bought a ticket for the goat and everything. The Cubs have no soul for letting this man watch the game with his favorite goat.

7.) They try to cheat by letting ivy grow on their outfield wall. Until the ivy is gone, they will never win the World Series.

6.) Mark Prior. That guy was good. Now look at him, toiling away in San Diego.

5.) If Lou Pinella can't lead them to a World Series, no one can.

4.) They held their first night game on 8/8/88. I'm not sure what that means, but I believe it has to be some sort of wicked Chinese curse. Therefore, Cubs are doubly cursed.

3.) These guys can't field during the playoffs. 2003, for example, no one remembers the errors that lead to their demise. Just Steve Bartman. The poor kid just wanted a foul ball and his Cubbies to win. Now, he can't even attend a game.

2.) SNL never did a skit called "Da Cubs". It was always "Da Bears" or "Da Bulls". Maybe Ryne Sandberg should have written a letter to Lorne Michaels.

1.) They lost to the Dodgers. (that's the only one that matters.)

So, once again, the curse will continue for another year. The Dodgers were simply not the better team. Of course, it is a good thing the Dodgers won. Because if the Cubs were to ever win a world series, the world would end. Seriously, complete and total Armageddon. (Of course, if the Dodgers win the world series, it's possible the same thing may occur. I hope you Dodgers fans will die happy.)

Jason

Social Networking...

2008-09-30T17:11:00.000-07:00

After careful consideration, I have decided to launch a new social networking site. It will blend the best of all networking sites into one uber site. The name of my creation: Myfacespace.com (PENDING...)

There is one catch and many rules to this new site. The catch is that once you initially sign up, you can't immediately search out your friends. The customer (that's you) will fill about a brief survey with questions such as: relationship status, favorite movie(s), birthday, hair color, STD's, how many times you've stabbed a man, rating your bitterness, and favorite color. These are just a few, though, so be prepared. The answers to these question will put you in a group of people with similar interests and these will be your "friends". Some of your friends will be in this group, most likely, but others, like if you're friends with Lauren Conrad on myspace, may not. This way, people are forced to make new friends. At least they know going in that they have similar interests (or believed to be) and therefore, more confidence... Here are the rules:

1.) No using of certain angles, or so called "myspace" angles, for your pictures. It's straight on or nothing.

2.) I do not want to be your "pet", so that application will never exist. You cannot buy me. I will, however, accept your muppets.

3.) While we're on the subject, there will be no mafia or pirates applications. If I wanted to play that stuff, I would search it out online.

4.) Status updates are permitted to twice a day. No one needs to know you just ate oreos and you feel frustrated. And then two minutes later telling everyone you're bored. Trying reading or calling someone or exercising.

5.) Feel free to post your racy pics. It will be eighteen and over, or you will simply be put into an under 18 group. Don't try and test me. I have the Illumaniti on my side and access to millions of social security numbers.

6.) Only one person in your group can have a certain song on their page. Five different people don't need to be playing the new song by Rehab. Hell, one person doesn't need to play it. Or T.I. for that matter.

7.) Don't worry, I will not have to be everyone's friend. I, too, will be relegated to a certain group.

8.) Absolutely no fat chicks. (kidding. All girls welcome.)

9.) Hackers will be shot on site.

10.) Have fun.

I hope everyone enjoys this new site. If all goes well, it will be absolutely free, except for the mind numbing hours you waste surfing the site, waiting for just one comment on your new picture or a response to the message you sent to the hot girl that seems kind of into you or constantly checking who's online to secretly spy on them. Next thing you know, your life has been taken over by the internet and you've cannot fathom a day without this website. Addiction happens every day, and with myfacespace, it's life altering. Catch you all on the flip side.

Jason

Paranoia..

2008-09-29T17:32:00.000-07:00

Paranoia is striking the heart of America. And it is not being caused by the economy, war, or the presidential debates. It is being caused, in a way, in the very forum in which I am presenting this blog. Simply put, the paranoia is being caused by the invention of the 24 hour news cycle.

A person can access the latest news anywhere. Pick up your phone, get text message alerts every time the Stock Market drops a point. Maybe you don't like that option. How about receiving an email every time the price of an oil barrel goes up a cent? Don't like that, I see. Perhaps you'd like to turn on a news channel watching Bill O'Reilly hosting eight people you've never heard of arguing why we should/shouldn't attack Russia? (Speaking of which, come on now, this is not the Cold War. Maybe we should stop sticking our noses in other people's business. Different topic, different time.) The point is, a person can't go anywhere without hearing the dreadful nature of our world, and more specifically, our nation. And this is exactly what feeds into the paranoia of our nation.

Everyone, I'm sure, remembers 9/11. Mostly because our current president won't let us forget it. Well, this is where part of the paranoia started. Up to and including five years after that dreadful day, the news stations would give us constant updates on our terror level. And if it even jumped a millimeter for one minute, people would swarm to the hardware stores buying duct tape and shovels. Why shovels? Who knows, probably to bury their money, which is exactly what they are doing now with the current state our economy. Here's an example of how that starts: One tiny bank in one tiny town is a little low on money for that day. The bank has had a few extra people cash large(r) checks than usual, so cash is a little low. Suddenly, customers begin calling the local news station with worries over the bank shutting down. Next thing you know, the story is being carried nationally with fears that America is running out of cash. Then people are rapidly pulling their money out of banks, driving the economy to de-stabilize, keeping money out of circulation, thus driving down the value of a dollar, which leads to a stronger Europe, which leads to them invading us in collusion with the terrorists, which leads to us living in bunkers and internment camps, which leads to us not trusting our neighbor... And so on, and so forth, right? The main part of that is the people going straight to the news, which in today's age, is bound to be picked up nationally eventually.

Okay, I agree with the first part. Listen people, by holding onto your money at your house, you are not helping anyone. Remember the Great Depression? That's exactly what happened. People withdrew their money, the market crashed, banks went into the shit... If you think we're in one now, trying having an unemployment rate at over 30 percent. Right now we sit at barely over six. Not good, yeah, but certainly not depression-like. Stop believing every little thing you see or read or hear. Take the time to form an opinion for yourselves. Does anyone remember that? How to think for yourself? Don't like paranoia drive you to craziness and irrationality. For you people withdrawing money from the bank: There's a little thing called the FDIC that has been established. Look into it. For those of you that can't step away from the internet or watching MSNBC or your local news: take a walk, read a book, re-connect with your family, go to a movie, and let your brain refresh itself. If America takes a good long look at itself, sets asides it's paranoia, stops outsourcing (again, another point, another time), and stops believing everything Sean Hannity blurts from his mouth, then reality can be seen.

There's no doubt America is in dire times, but let's use some rationality in assessing our situations. There's no need for mass panic. Unfortunately, it starts with the powers at top. Then steps in their voice box; the media and the internet. Those two things will not go away so it's simply time to use something given to everyone a long time ago: Your mind.

Jason

A Piece of me...

2008-09-22T21:21:00.000-07:00

The subject is the title...

"Standing at the edge of existence is an often difficult thing to withstand. Not knowing were to go next can lead to an amount of trouble that can never be fully explained. Confusion tugs at the heart. There are always questions without answers. Nothing will ever be said. Can I lead the life I want to lead? What's next on the agenda? Indecision drives the soul of every man, but it is my greatest fear. Above death, above life even, is the fact that I can't decide what I want. Even the idea of choosing the correct path is beyond me. Things are great or at least someone believes it, but I have trouble looking forward. How can I? It's said that we may be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us. How often have I tried to put the past behind me? Maybe once too often. I am sent into a downward spiral that may never end. I continue to hope, but it is a false hope and may never be satisfied. Can I live with that? I haven't the faintest idea why I have been chosen to live. It is widely believed that all of us have been chosen to become some part of the ultimate plan. Whose plan is it and why must I be part of it? The sound of silence is what I desire. There is very little left to learn. Serenity is my last chance. Where can I go from here? I have no answers. How can one look at the sublime of life when everyone and everything is based on the ideals of a materialistic society? It is impossible to uphold the standards of useless ideas.

Situations arise in which complications can't be avoided. Everything I do there is complication. Of course, where would a person be without such obstacles? One must be challenged in life. Where will the challenges stop? Can I go one day of just living a life of carefree decision making? Everything has an impact upon another. I want to lay down and sleep forever. Just wait for the world to go by. Sleep right now would be my greatest friend. No complications in that. The entire process of attempting to sleep is wherein lies the problem. I want to be everywhere at once. Why must it be difficult? Did I really ask for this. I'm no longer connected with the outside world. I lost touch awhile back. Every memory I have seems to be a dream. Perhaps the alcohol has killed my brain cells. Everything I do feels like I'm floating through life and I'm on the outside, spying in to see what is going on. I need firm ground to stand on. A firm grasp, if you will. The philosophy is to just live. Haziness sets in. The answers are out there and need to be found. Then I can reach out again and once again find my heritage. I'm crumbling. From the inside out. My existence wears thin. I want to see the future. What is it? So many questions, so little time, so much to do, such things be...

It's a long, lonely road. Life that is. The path is crowded, sure, but the walkers are disconnected, and yet all carry the same burdens. No one is safe and we seem to stand still, yet time moves on. Life is nothing more than the compilations of bad moments that always keep a good man down. There are good phases, the smooth, straight part of this invisible path. Soon enough, though, the path is bumpy, narrow, rocky, and difficult to traverse. All around me, life spirals out of control. Self-loathing and alcohol have taken place of the Pursuit of Happiness. The Creators of the Constitution/Declaration of Independence have guaranteed us the people two things they have no control over. Life and Happiness. Nothing is real anymore. Plastic items have replaced the true gift of emotion. Life is an MTV fed society where people on the road take with them slang from television, movies, and music. Destiny is decided on what movies/tv shows are popular to the general audience. The path is lonely, if not by choice than by assignment. Who is to say? Answers are still out there and no one continues to seek them. We accept life as it is instead of attempting to improve it. And that stops today..."

Just a glimpse, and a little something to get the writing juices flowing.

Jason

Silent Night

2008-09-16T20:53:00.000-07:00

First off, a disclaimer. I am trying to get the creative juices flowing and decided to write the following blog. Plus, I have to catch up with Danny. So, if you desire, ignore the innate drivel that's about to ensue.

5:42 pm- For some reason, my tv is on the ABC Family Channel. Instead of changing it to Sports Center, I watch What I Like About You. Brain rots slowly.

6:07 pm- After spending too long on myspace, I decide to go running at the track at East Junior High.

6:48 pm- Running complete. I am a big pile of sweat after running two miles. Feel good though.

7:15 pm- I'm cooking dinner, and decide that tonight I will go to Barnes and Noble to write. Cliche, yes, but I'm more productive when I'm not home. I need to do laundry, though, and figure I can get one load done by 8:30 pm.

8:07 pm- Danny texts me to say the Red Sox lost. Stupid Red Sox.

8:08 pm- Text five girls looking for comfort after the loss.

8:09 pm- Realize I actually didn't hit send on the texts. Oops. Instead of resending, I just say forget it about, maybe next time.

8:30 pm- Some guy won't get his laundry from the dryer and my whole night's plan is ruined. I turn on Scrubs, get online, and pretty much stew for the next half hour. Instead of writing, I spend way too much time looking at fantasy football rosters. Sure, I could have just written here at that moment, but I am angry.

9:02 pm- Okay, I'm going to start writing. I start boiling water for some tea and grab my notebook. Except wait, Return of the Jedi is on. I make my tea and watch tv instead.

9:19 pm- Think about the meaning of life. I figure it has something to do with golf.

9:33 pm- It's a commercial break, so I grab my laundry and catch the end of the movie.

9:59 pm- Return of the Jedi ends. I send myspace messages to ten girls, hoping for them to comfort me.

10:01 pm- I realize I sent messages to the girls that are always asking me "Do you want to get laid tonight?" Of course I do. These silly girls don't even need to ask. Come to find out, it's all spam. I grab my guitar and smash it against the wall.

10:05 pm- I'm finishing this post. And going to write. And cry myself to sleep. Again...Wait a minute, Home Improvement is on.

So, there is a trip down one night in Jason's life. Some was real, some was simply fabricated for the point of this story. The point is: Don't let a guy leaving clothes in the dryer ruin your night. Just put the clothes on the table and go about your own life.

Jason

The times, they are a changin'

2008-09-15T21:18:00.000-07:00

It has been well documented since the dawn of time that as a person slides into the next generation of life, the things they loved amongst the pop culture crowd are not the ones being loved today. For example, someone out there has to like those cavemen commercials. Why would they keep showing them if no one did? I know I don't. I don't need my football games interrupted with that damn caveman playing Billie Jean King every ten minutes. Their showed failed. Please retire them. Where are the talking frogs from Budweiser when you need them?

The point is, as I approach (ahem) [cough] 30, I can see myself slowly drifting away from what the kiddies like. I'm not completely there yet, but someday soon, I will see myself in the shoes of a grumpy old man. I do not understand the popularity of Lil Wayne or Flo rida with his boots with the fur. I still listen to Eminem, Dr. Dre, and Snoop Dogg in my car, enjoying the smooth beats from the 90s. Rap music was music back then and made some sort of sense. That brings me to my point exactly, though. I imagine people were saying the same things in the early 90s about the underground musings of Run DMC, and Grandmaster Flash. People change, people evolve, yadda, yadda, yadda...

Then there is Kid Rock. The man has been around since the 90s, easily part of my generation. Yet here he is, still rocking, but he's finally lost me. I bought Devil Without a Cause (I hope that's the title.) I listed to the song "Cowboy" numerous times, even as it filtered into the strip clubs I visited. With a man that has now made most likely around 15 albums, why must he cover songs made popular by Lynyrd Skynyrd and Warren Zevon? Obviously the man has talent but let's take a sample lyric. [Sic] "We were trying different things and we were smoking funny things." In the words of Aaron Kiefer, you can't rhyme things and things (Aaron Kiefer, traveling down Orchard, early Sept.). Yet this song is a hit on both pop and country air waves. You think lovers of country music would find this sacrilege but instead they embrace it.

I could go on. Like I don't understand The Hills. Sure, the girls are beautiful and that's a plus. The few minutes I've watched the show, the aesthetics kept me in. It was the stupidity, the shallowness, and the manufactured drama that drove me away. The show is not real, people. Real people, yes. Real drama, no. If I'm going to watch drama, it will be in real life, or something that is well written (like Rescue Me. It's great. Or Entourage.) Now I read that Lauren Conrad has a book deal in place. Not just an autobiography, but a book deal to actually pen fiction. Maybe she's great (doubt it) and will completely surprise me (hardly). She will sell millions to young teenage girls that want to grow up living in Laguna Beach or Hollywood, going to Hollywood parties, and attending fashion school. (Which might not be better than a theatre major. I haven't decided yet.)

I still haven't figured out the Family Guy vs. The Simpsons argument. I've even sat through entire episodes of the Family Guy. I've laughed once maybe twice. After nearly twenty years, I still laugh at least that much in a Simpsons' episode.

Now I will stop because this might never end. As I'm writing this now, I'm watching Scream, which is way better than most horror movies they have out now. This movie was clever (and still is to some extent) and could go toe to toe with the blood fest, no plot, no acting, no character movies the studios put out now. On that note, I will bid good night. Until next time, when I try to locate the "Where's the Beef" woman from the Arby's commercials.

J.

By the hand of God...

2008-09-10T17:02:00.000-07:00

Let me begin by saying I don't delve into the topic of politics too often. And this blog will be short and may not even be about politics. It may allow you, the cherished reader, a small glimpse into my views but that's where I cut you off. At least for tonight, that is. Can't blow my load all in one shot, now can I? (No need for those laughs from the peanut gallery.)
The subject I'm about to broach will be over quick. I will start by saying that I am not anti-McCain. I have nothing but respect for the guy. At this point in America's struggle, though, I don't believe he is the best candidate. That, folks, is a topic for another time. I just wanted to state this before I began my short range assault on Sarah Palin.
My ire all started and is currently centralized around one remark I read of hers. This is coming from an article by Gene Johnson of the Associated Press. "Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin told ministry students at her former church that the United States sent troops to fight in the Iraq war on a "task that is from God." (09/03/2008). Give me a break! I'm not even going to sit here and vent about this statement. Now what I'm about to say is open to debate and I am by no means condoning any attacks on our country. 9/11 was devastating and by all means a national tragedy. And I would say this even if the candidate was a democrat, republican, or from another party. I am simply going to give you these last thoughts to ponder, call it a night, and perhaps return with the more light hearted pop culture articles I usually write. Here we go: Did Osama Bin Laden not say the same thing after the 9/11 attacks? If we were on a task from God, and Bin Laden was on a task from God, are both countries freedom fighters or terrorists?

Jason

The Illuminati ended Tom Brady's season...

2008-09-09T17:57:00.000-07:00

That collective gasp many of you heard Sunday afternoon (or morning, depending on time zone) was that of millions of Patriots fans watch their season go down the drain when Tom Brady injured his knee. On top of that, tens of millions that most likely selected Tom Brady in their top five of fantasy football watched as their wallets emptied much quicker than they had anticipated. Some may say that it was just a cruel twist of fate, that a man cannot be the king of a mountain for so long. Others will say (i.e. Patriots fans) that the hit was an illegal hit, and that's why Brady will sit out this season. The real answer, in fact, goes much deeper. The reason, simply, is this: The Illuminati have ended Tom Brady's season.
For those unaware of who, and what, the Illuminati are, they are an Enlightenment-era secret society founded on May 1st, 1776, which was dedicated to the systematic and stealthy conquest of nations, one by one, and ultimately the entire world (Illuminati, Wikipedia, first paragraph.) Now, this is the historical definition of the Illuminati. Many theorists still contend that the Illuminati are around today, controlling the acts of governments and societies abroad and in America. For more information, simply visit many conspiracy theories regarding 9/11.
Now why, you may be asking, why the Illuminati would care so much about Tom Brady. He could, by all means, be a member of this elite group. He has money, looks, popularity, women, and a connection with the general public. And he may very well be a part of this group, but there were underlying reasons to this act of injury. Simply put, the Illuminati have set in motion a plan to unleash their powers on the world, and more importantly, put an end to Danny's fantasy football season.
Why would a simple man in Boise, ID be the object of the Illuminati? The fact is, through long research and hours of reading, it seems Danny's original team name for his fantasy team may have accidentally stumbled onto a long uncovered Illuminati secret. You see, Danny's team name was Tom Brady's Robots. The answer is right there in the title. The dots had been connected by Danny and thus was found the secret to Tom Brady's throwing arm. Fearing their secret was about to be let out, the Illuminati found it fit to end Tom Brady's season and bring him back when rumors of such things had dissipated. In fact, while Brady is away, this is a perfect opportunity to let his power grow.
A second running theory is that to stop the accidental genius of Danny, the Illuminati, in cooperation with the New England Patriots, have dreamed up this entire hoax to get Danny to change his team name and release Tom Brady. Look at the facts: the New England Patriots have always been a secretive team and they have yet to say what exactly is wrong with the knee, only that he is done for the season. Also, the Illuminati were not about to let Danny win a fantasy football season by picking Tom Brady with the second pick in his NFL draft. Plus, in conjunction with the NFL, the Illuminati were looking for a way to make this season more dramatic for the New England Patriots. And nothing would be more dramatic then Brady coming back from a "season ending" injury in week 6 to lead the team back to the Super Bowl.
The bottom line is, watch out. The Illuminati have already ruined one man's fantasy football season. Who knows, maybe taking away the dollar menu at Wendy's could be next...

J.

OMG!

2008-09-03T21:46:00.000-07:00

"Dear Diary,
That title is not about the hit 90's group that sang How Bizarre. I loved them, yes, but only when I was working on kick ass computer programs like XP... Wait, a darn sec, silly me. That's OMC. I get confused pretty easily.

Did people really talk to each other before the internet and text messaging?

Was that just a dream?

That tv commercial, as funny as it was meant to be, is probably predicting the future. People will talk to each other in abbreviations and their pronunciation will be horrible.

I'm not even putting this in a true blog form because I'm proving a point.

The art of speaking to someone face to face will one day be lost.

I'm actually thinking that instead of laughing, I'm just going to say "LOL"

Is the word "are" that long to spell out that it needs to be spelled "r". Sure, it was probably written like that in your third grade love notes, but at least that was handwritten. If you have bad hand writing, you want to abbreviate as much as possible. (U got me, I do it frm time 2 time 2!)

When I leave the room, I might as well say "BRB" all the time. Or is that so early 'aughts?

In the future, I'm actually gonna have a keyboard surgically implanted in my arm, that way people can type what they want to say and the message goes straight to my brain, that way I don't ever have to say a word. Every one will have one and I will improve on my millions.

I carry my laptop to stay connected. I should have stayed interested in sports. Sure, I wouldn't have my millions but a girlfriend would be nice. (Then I could text to her "Wat r u doing?" and she could send me a pixel of lips. It would be see cute.)

Is it my fault I invented what was once a kick ass program for computers?

Have a good night diary while I count my money. It's nice to sleep on a pile of cash.
TTYL.

Bill."

Life's Lessons...

2008-09-02T21:05:00.000-07:00

Okay, here's another monologue. I'm in a writing mood and I got some of the angriness out last time. I'll retire the monologues for awhile and put them on the scrap heap with the poetry. I'll get back to basics next time with an expose on the WB. Enjoy...

LIFE'S LESSONS

(NED, 37, reads from a book at a small coffee shop.)
Thank you. Thank you. I will end tonight with a reading from my first book, entitled "Treaties From the Dark Side." Just a little advice for all of us, especially you sweetie. How are you? Doing good? We'll talk later... Here we go. "It's a long, lonely road. The paths are all there, beat down by our ancestors before us, and they all lead to the same place. Death. No one single person can avoid the purity of passing on. The path is a crowded one, sure, but the walkers are all disconnected. All are enraptured with narrow minded possession of themselves. Yet all carry the same burden. Chances are taken. It's success or failure, nothing in between. Mistakes are made. Friendships will grow and fade away. Relationships will burn in eternity. People will be destroyed. Loves will be lost... There are the degenerates of the realm. The depressed ones who see no reason to continue down life's lonely road. There are the liars. There are the people who will do whatever it takes to find the end of life with as many followers as possible. There are the hard workers, the snobs, and the murderers. The meek, who will not inherit the earth, but simply watch it disintegrate. Life does not slow down and wait for us. Things will get broke, children will die, bonds will be tied and broken. Lives will be shattered, and yet, above all, we must fight through it all. Fight for what is right in our hearts, and now follow society's well-dug path. We must do so in hopes of restoring this world to a place we enjoy. One were we can live with the decisions that await us, and the loves that sit idly by, waiting. WE CAN NEVER GIVE UP. Eternal fires are being started each day. The choice is simply. Just as two paths diverged in the woods, you can choose to put out the fire or stoke it. Look for the ecstasy in life...
(NED closes the book and walks off stage.)

Jason

Three Hours of Pain...

2008-09-01T19:29:00.000-07:00

The Boise State football team got off to its usual dominating start with a 49 to 7 thrashing of Idaho State. Once again, I did not attend the game, but instead watched it from the comfort of a friend's house. For the most part, I enjoyed the game. The one problem is, though, is that I would have enjoyed myself a whole lot better if I had muted the television for the three hours the game was on.
Okay, I'm gonna put this out there right off the bat. The following will make sense to all that have watched a BSU football game televised on our local tv network. Feel free to proceed, even if you have never seen a game on local tv here in Boise. You should count yourselves amongst the privileged to have never experienced the atrocity that is local broadcasting.
Now, that may come across as an angry viewer lashing out and in a way, it is. Here are just a few examples of what continues to irk me year after year and really, to be honest, no answers have been found:
1.) The camera followed the wrong player on a play action three times-on the first three plays of the game. The trend did not seem to stop even as the game neared it's conclusion.
2.) Here's a tip: His name is Tyler Shoemaker and he wears number 89. You think you'd get it right after the second touchdown.
3.) Perhaps it's a good idea, if you're calling the game, to go over the rosters of the opposing team before the telecast actually starts. Or at least find out the correct pronunciations of your own team's players. On a few separate occasions, the networks broadcasters pronounced a player on BSU's name two different ways. An ESPN anchor I can understand because they travel through town quickly, but this is your own team. You should know that roster like the back of your hand.
I will admit, the anger has somewhat passed, so I don't remember all of the examples I was going to cite. I will say that moving one Mr. David Agosto from the booth to the sideline was a good choice. I was thinking they could introduce a segment called "On the Case with David Agosto." He can do human interest pieces on the BSU players and explore campus life. The one downside of having a sideline reporter is apparently they can't find a microphone connection that works. Not once throughout the entire game did I get a whole conversation from the person getting interviewed because the mic kept cutting in and out.
While the broadcasters are local, and sometimes local broadcasts aren't exactly up to par, it is time for Boise to take a step forward. The program continues to grow, and so in turn should the broadcasts. Spend a little money and hire some better people, maybe a few extra cameras. Who's to say what can happen? Most televised games of any sport have their problems, it's just Boise's seem to be more glaring and happen more often. Until that day comes, however, here's to hoping that poor Tyler Shoemaker will get the credit he deserves when he catches his next touchdown.

Desperation...

2008-08-21T19:43:00.000-07:00

Contrary to popular belief, I have not fallen off of the face of the earth. The lack of recent posts was due to my obsession with the Olympics and Beach volleyball. So, here is a monologue I wrote to tide people over until the Olympics end. (Sure, women's beach volleyball is over, but the closing ceremonies are going to be awesome. Right? Right?! Dammit...

DESPERATION
(Robert is a 29 yr old man. He stands in the center of the stage, a chair right behind him.)

"Today is the 1st day of the rest of our lives. (ROBERT sits.) Um. Yeah... My name is Robert, and, um, well, I'm an... (ROBERT pulls out a pack of cigarettes. He methodically opens the pack and pulls one out. He lights it up.) I'm an alcoholic. I don't have a problem, it's my friends, they're enablers really-- What? No smoking inside. Sorry. I guess I've seen too many movies. You know, smoke a cigarette, open up, hug it out, you know....I'll put it out. (ROBERT takes a few more quick puffs from the cigarette and puts it out on his shoe. He instinctively takes out another one and lights up.) Well, like I was saying, my friends are the ones that get me to drink. I mean, they want to have a good time and I give them that. Stories and stories they can tell their grandkids one day, I suppose. Just a bunch of bullshit, really, if you ask me... Of course, they're the ones that recommended me to come here. Personally, I think they've seen Intervention too many times, but I said what the hell... I've been drinking since I was 18. It's just something I do to pass the time. I mean, I get bored. What better to do than knock back a cold one or two...or twelve. It's not a problem, really-- Pardon. Oh, yeah. The smoke. My bad. (He puts the cigarette out.) Um, so, last week, I was at the bar. Can I start there? I don't really feel like starting back much further. That would take a big fuckin' hammer to sort out those issues...So, I was this place called O'Michaels on 32nd...Yeah, that's the one. Best Rum and Cokes in town. The best. They use nothing but the best rum. I'm talking top shelf shit. Um, anyways, long story short, my best friend and I are having a good time, drinking, checking out chicks. Stuff that buddies do, right? Well, the night goes on, shit winds down, and my friend and I have words. I don't even remember what about, I'm so wasted, but shit goes down. I end up beating him up bad. (ROBERT takes out a cigarette and smokes it.) A bunch of drinks get spilled and I bruise my knuckles up. Can you believe it?-- Yeah, the cigarette, I know-- All that wasted alcohol. Now that's alcohol abuse-- Hold on a minute. Let me finish-- Do you get it? All that wasted alcohol. Gone like a flash-- Jesus Christ. It's just a fuckin' cigarette. A little smoking never hurt anyone. My best friends in the hospital and you're worried about cigarette smoke. Jesus Christ! I don't care if these other people don't like it. This is my time. Me. If they don't want me to smoke on their time, I won't. This is my time. Isn't this what this is all about? A bunch of self-centered people coming to talk to other self-centered people about their own personal problems. I don't want to be here. He doesn't want to be here. She doesn't want to be here. Hell, you don't even want to be here. This is all pointless. I"m not here because I have a problem. I'm here because I hurt someone else besides myself for once. Can't you get that. This doesn't help me. The second I walk out of here I'm going to drain the flask that's in my pocket digging into my thigh right now. And it's going to be sweet, sweet relief. That's how much I care about this thing here. I just want my friend back. (ROBERT takes a long puff from his cigarette and finishes it.) Happy. It's gone. (He takes out the flask and drinks from it.) My name is Robert. Today is the first day of the rest of my life."

J.