The Dog Days of Summer....

As I stood in front of the mirror the other night, I noticed a few things. One, I am really white. Save for my left arm, which is really tan, I was one pale guy. Then, upon a closer look with a side view, I noticed my stomach was starting to get out there. Nothing drastic, mind you, but enough of a difference to notice. It dawned on me that after nearly 30 years I was in the beginning stages of growing the world renowned Haskins' gut. This is nothing to be ashamed of, mind you, but something exercise had kept me from getting all of these years. On top of that, my love handles had expanded and were more flabby than ever. What had I done!

"This had to stop," I furiously thought to myself. I took it upon myself to change this. Here are five things that I needed to do.

1.) Exercise more.
2.) Stop eating Jack in the Box at three or four in the morning.
3.) Cut back on the beer.
4.) Stop eating Tony's Pizzas all the time.
5.) Fake tanning

With those five things set upon me for the last two weeks, here are the solutions and results that I came up with.

1.) I've been running every other day and working out the other days. While I can now run nearly a mile, there has been very little difference in the stomach region. I can see the forming of abs, but that's about it. (It's a small sample size, I know.)
2.) I now eat Jack in the Box at two in the morning and I've eliminated the cheese sticks.
3.) I've gone to Light beer... Wait, you're saying that's what I drank before? Any chance I can get a lawsuit from this? No... Well, that's ridiculous.
4.) I have cut back on the Pizza. Instead of eating a whole one by itself, I now include a salad. (Don't you judge me!)
5.) Forget about fake tanning. I'm above that. I try tanning the real way. Under the sun. Don't give me that cancer shit, either, because pretty much anything gives us cancer these days. It's a horrible disease, yes, I agree, but I'm not going to pay to get a tan.

So, I'm still white, still not a sex god, and have not yet met a woman down by the green belt. I figured if I was running, it would be a great place to meet women. Maybe I should keep my shirt on. Until we meet again.

J.

*Author's note: No, I do not believe I'm overweight and I am not metro. I just wanted to tone up a little bit and take better care of my body. Is there anything wrong with that?

Comments

Josh said…
Regarding #2: crunches/situps will not, in themselves, reduce your gut. Only more exercise and less calorie intake will do that. I'm in the same boat, though. I spent a whole year taking dance classes all damn day and I was still a little fat around the midsection. How do they do it? (Hint: less beer)

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