Well, that's what Jason Haskins thought all of those years ago while gazing up into the stars and listening to pop rock on 1240 radio, KELK. After 29 years and careful planning, that dream is finally coming true. No, there is no house. Or girl for that matter. What Jason does have is a college degree and a willingness to explore new things. Those two things are exactly what brought Jason to this moment in time. An idea? Maybe. A baffoon? Most likely.
Earlier today, in a pre-written, typed up statement, it was announced Jason would be holding his own version of The Bachelor*. Over the next four weeks (or however long it took) Jason would be auditioning girls to be his future girlfriend or commercial breaks permitting, a wife. How would this be possible, you may ask. In his statement, Jason broke it down quite simply.
The girls would compete for the love of Jason Haskins. In turn, they would be privy to a world that very few people have experienced. Jason is, of course, a single man, earning every bit of $25,000 a year salary. He likes sports, movies, and long walks through Garden City. Though he lives alone in a quaint apartment (quaint is a direct line from the statement), Jason makes the best with what he has. Furniture is sparse, but what Jason has is a lot of heart.
The competition, according to the release, will be open to all ladies. He will not narrow down the competition to 20 competitors (Ed. note: That's way too many, even for Jason). Nor will Jason be handing out roses to the girls he selects. His idea is very basic, for he is a very basic man. No frills or thrills for him.
Prospective ladies will participate in dates and events alike. Some of these events will even seem similar to tests. Jason has indicated the woman who can name the most Boston Red Sox players will have the upper hand. It will also help if you can buy Jason drinks, drive him places, and tidy up his semi-clean apartment. A few of the events will include: A body shot contest, where female participants will take turns doing shots with Jason. There will be a Madden competition, where girls will try to beat Jason and his vaunted Chicago Bears team he has created. If you're lucky, Jason will take you on a date to such places as: The 10th St Station, Lucky Peak, dinner at Old Chicago, running on the Greenbelt, or a romantic getaway to Nampa. Jason may even serenade you while playing guitar. He knows such hits as Sister Ruth and Yankee Doodle Dandy.
Any girl, if interested (Ed. note: That's a BIG if), should feel free to contact Jason, if you can track him down. He likes to stay in and read. Or maybe watch reruns of Who's The Boss. It's really difficult to say where Jason may be at, but don't worry, he's waiting.
When asked for a quote, all Jason could say was, "Play secretary, I'm the boss tonight." One could only guess what that means. To me, it can simply be said as "Let the games begin."
*The Bachelor is a trademark of ABC/Disney. All rights reserved.
**Third Person. Hey, if Rickey Henderson can do it, anyone can!