I am a man. A man exploring the infinite possibilities of today's burning questions and topics... Or I'm a playwright and novelist who likes to write about random subjects or popular topics. Plus, it helps me at least write once in awhile, especially when writer's block sets in.
Search This Blog
Digging into the Past
image courtesy of flickr.com
This morning, while searching through various notebooks in hopes of triggering some creativity for a writing prompt, I discovered an old journal of mine. The journal was kept primarily during my four years living in Los Angeles (book-ended by entries of late-college life in Boise and, years later, my return). I spent the next hour reading what filled these pages. There was angst. There was heartbreak. There were thoughts about writing, acting, and the pursuit of a career that lacks stability.
I learned that I have grown, but so much, ten plus years later, remains the same.
To be fair, what I was writing about plagues most of us, at some point. Lost loves and yearning are a major theme during those years. And when I say major theme, I mean it took up about 70% of the pages. Proving again that I was once a person that believed in fate, destiny and the like.
These past experiences with love have certainly shaped the person I am today. One that has not given up on the idea, but a person that does not rely on the comfort of another to gauge my happiness and success. I suppose in that way I have let go of the past. (Though a significant other by my side at this point in life would be an added bonus. Wait, does that mean I need to start a new journal? No.)
Lack of money and stability were other common themes present in the journal. This was present during the Los Angeles years mostly. A fight between doing what I wanted to do and working at a movie theater to pay the bills. (I suppose this hasn't changed much over the years. Repeating mistakes? Or just stuck in a vicious cycle? Probably a little of both.)
Rediscovering this journal, if I were an outsider looking in, would lead me to believe that all was depressing in those days. I was depressed when much of that writing took place. There are intervals, though, of when much wasn't written. Those were the happier times. I suppose I wrote in the journal to get my feelings of despair, loneliness, and frustration out of my system. And it helped, not only personally but in crafting the stories I tell to this day.
Letting go of the past. It is much easier said than done, as is repeating the mistakes of the past. I have learned from them, in most instances, but on days like this, when I re-read the journal, I am whisked away to that time period. I think of people I haven't thought of years. Women I liked but never had the courage to talk to. I think of people still in my life and how I have chosen to keep them in my life, despite the good and the bad. Most importantly, I think of how lucky I am to still be here; to be fighting the good fight and trying to make a career of what I love.
Is there regret? Very little. Living with regret means living in the past. It's cliche to say, but we only get one chance at this life. There have been a few regrets, but only in situations, not decisions. Situations that might have been handled better in order to reach the same conclusion. I think a lot of those years chronicled in the journal I was living in regret. And insecurity. And a lack of courage.
Do I still have those things present in my life? Yes, sans the regret. As for the other two: I have learned that they will always be present in my life, but I have learned not to dwell on them. I have the strength to acknowledge those feelings when they pop up and to use them as fuel. If anything, my past and present have taught to be one thing:
-I wrote of how America was too paranoid. This was in 2003. I wrote of a kid being sent home from school because he wore an "Anti-Bush" t-shirt. People claimed this shirt was shown as "Pro-terrorism". Today, those same people that had this "pro-terrorist" sentiment about an "Anti-Bush" shirt probably own an "Anti-Obama" shirt and call it freedom of speech.
-I wrote about the Boston Red Sox losing in the ALCS in 2003 and winning the World Series in 2004. In 2003, I tied my supposed bad luck in life to the curse of the Red Sox. Boston and I were won in the same. That year, I wanted to change my allegiance, looking for a team with better luck. I'm glad I stuck with Boston.
-Many of the entries were written past 2 am, after a long drinking session. That maybe telling of the topics of the entries. Or it may not. I'll let others be the judge of that.
"Life is short, break the rules.
Forgive quickly, kiss slowly
Love truly, laugh uncontrollably
And never regret anything that makes you smile."- Mark Twain
In the late 1990's and early 2000's, there was no greater bromance than that between Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Matthew Lillard. The two of them appeared in no less than five movies together in a five year time span. These two were meant to be. Two young stars destined to take the world by storm as a team. Hanging out, meeting women, and enjoying the good life. And then, just like that, stardom was ripped away from them. Though they continued to work, they would never appear together again in a film.
What was it that pulled them apart? Did they just choose to go different directions? Was it Sarah Michelle Gellar that drove a wedge between these two? While Lillard eventually went on to star in an Oscar nominated film (The Descendants), Prinze, Jr. went on to write for the WWE and occasionally show up as a guest star on television shows. While both have tried, neither has recaptured that joy that once displayed on screen. Tonight, I want to dutifully remind the world of t…
image courtesy of flickr.com
A billy goat. A dash of bad luck. A sprinkle of a die hard fan. Leon Durham. Add those together and you have the beginnings of the recipe for the curse that has haunted the Chicago Cubs for over 70 years.
In winning the 2016 World Series, the Cubs collected their first World Series title since 1908. Their seven-game victory effectively ended the longest title drought among the four major professional sports leagues in the United States.
Now that the talk of a goat and Bartman can be put to rest, it is now the Cleveland Indians sitting on the longest drought in the Major League baseball. The Indians will be discussed here, as will the other longest droughts in the three other major American sports leagues.
The Indians moved through the American League this postseason with ease. First, they swept the Boston Red Sox in the ALDS. Then, they took care of the Toronto Blue Jays in five games.
Yes, the Indians lost in the World Series after l…
YouTube screenshot *The following contains Spoilers from the season 7 premiere of "The Walking Dead" "Pissing our pants yet? Boy, do I have a feeling we're getting close."- Negan, The Walking Dead
And people thought Ramsay Bolton was sadistic.
The much anticipated season seven premiere of The Walking Dead hit the airwaves last Sunday. Boy, was it a doozy.
I am not going to spend much time on what side of the liked/didn't like it/I'm never watching again spectrum I fall in. I will say that I was enraptured, on the edge of my seat for nearly the entire one hour, six minutes (including commercials) of the episode. This was an episode that filled me with a sense of existential dread for the characters inhabiting The Walking Dead world. It is a feeling that is still with me nearly two days later.
As a disclaimer, I am only through the first ten volumes of the graphic novels. I have yet to reach the Negan arc. I am also on the side of the court that didn't m…