Skip to main content

A thunderous downfall

"They're using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn't they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody's talking about it and saying its Lindsay Lohan."

That is a direct quote from Lawyer Stephanie Ovadia to the New York post about the Etrade commercial that apparently is making fun of Lindsay Lohan. With this quote and impending lawsuit, the end of civilization is near.

Okay, maybe that's an extreme statement, but it's also extreme to sue a company for $100 million in damages. As a basic rundown, in case you haven't seen the commercial, a baby refers to a girl that called the night before whose name is Lindsay and she is a milkaholic. Therefore, using common sense, the commercial must be about Lindsay Lohan, right? (You could probably check out the commercial on YouTube. It was an ad that ran on Super Bowl Sunday.)

Of course not. To begin with, I personally have never liked these Etrade commercials with the talking babies nor have I found them particularly funny. That is besides the point. My point is what is the world coming to when celebrities need to sue for $100 million over a commercial that may or may not be making fun of you? Has Lindsay Lohan lost her sense of humor, if indeed Etrade was poking fun of her? Has Lindsay Lohan fallen this far in which she needs to sue a company over a commercial that barely uses the name Lindsay? The entire idea that everybody is talking about how the commercial is referring to Lindsay Lohan does not make sense. Sure, everyone is talking about it now, but not once in my circle of friends did I hear, "Did you see that Etrade commercial making fun of Lindsay Lohan? It's crazy." Not that my friends represent all of the world, but you think it would have been mentioned sometime before this lawsuit came out.

My anger over this has faded over the past few days, mostly because I shouldn't care as much. It's also because I've decided to sue the creators of the "Friday the 13th" franchise because it depicts people named Jason as murderous men who wear hockey masks. I'm sure I am entitled to millions of dollars because of the pain and suffering I've occurred over the years because people instantly run from me when they hear my name. I've been associated with this for too long. While I'm at it, I will research all other instances in which movies and commercials use my name in a derogatory manner. Therefore, I can acquire all of the money in the world and make my name synonymous with money, not murder.

We all know Ms. Lohan previously had an alcohol problem. We know how serious alcoholism can be. Just because a commercial refers to a baby named Lindsay that's a milkaholic does not mean they are referring to you, Ms. Lohan. Maybe all of the Lindsay's in the world can turn around and sue you for sullying their name. You have created havoc, traffic accidents, and have been in the news for alleged drug abuse and basically stalking your ex-girlfriend. Did you ever think that maybe those named Lindsay don't like to be associated with your name?

If this lawsuit moves forward and any sort of compensation is received, then there is something wrong with our judicial system. It will no doubt cause others to sue in response to movies, commercials, television programs, and celebrities that they think are making fun of them. All of this could happen because of one washed up celebrity that has lost touch with reality long ago. And that's truly the sadder of the situations. To most, though, it's another talented young celebrity that has become immersed in world of partying, rebelling, and drinking too much milk. Oh wait, now I'm confusing reality and fictional commercials again. I've got to stop that.

On the other hand, maybe Lindsay Lohan is right. Perhaps she is just a talking baby who enjoys a little too much milk and talks to other girls' boyfriends. In the end, that is much more of the truth than an Etrade commercial could ever depict. And for that, I'm thankful.

Jason

*I will not be suing the makers of "Friday the 13th" if they can produce the Golden Fleece from "Jason and the Argonauts". Everything can be settled with that.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Bromance of Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Matthew Lillard

In the late 1990's and early 2000's, there was no greater bromance than that between Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Matthew Lillard. The two of them appeared in no less than five movies together in a five year time span. These two were meant to be. Two young stars destined to take the world by storm as a team. Hanging out, meeting women, and enjoying the good life. And then, just like that, stardom was ripped away from them. Though they continued to work, they would never appear together again in a film.
What was it that pulled them apart? Did they just choose to go different directions? Was it Sarah Michelle Gellar that drove a wedge between these two? While Lillard eventually went on to star in an Oscar nominated film (The Descendants), Prinze, Jr. went on to write for the WWE and occasionally show up as a guest star on television shows. While both have tried, neither has recaptured that joy that once displayed on screen. Tonight, I want to dutifully remind the world of t…

From Negan with Love

YouTube screenshot
*The following contains Spoilers from the season 7 premiere of "The Walking Dead"
"Pissing our pants yet? Boy, do I have a feeling we're getting close."- Negan, The Walking Dead

And people thought Ramsay Bolton was sadistic.


The much anticipated season seven premiere of The Walking Dead hit the airwaves last Sunday. Boy, was it a doozy.
I am not going to spend much time on what side of the liked/didn't like it/I'm never watching again spectrum I fall in. I will say that I was enraptured, on the edge of my seat for nearly the entire one hour, six minutes (including commercials) of the episode. This was an episode that filled me with a sense of existential dread for the characters inhabiting The Walking Dead world. It is a feeling that is still with me nearly two days later.
As a disclaimer, I am only through the first ten volumes of the graphic novels. I have yet to reach the Negan arc. I am also on the side of the court that didn't m…

NFL Referees Fail Cam Newton, Fans

If the NFL is serious about the safety of players and finding ways to limit concussions, the referees in last night's Denver Broncos/Carolina Panthers game had a funny way of showing it.
Instead of talking about what a great rematch of the Super Bowl these two teams put on, much of the focus was placed on the amount of hits Cam Newton took to the helmet last night.
And rightfully so.
There were at least three occasions during the course of the game in which Newton was on the receiving end of helmet-to-helmet hits. 
These hits were not of the "blink and you miss it" variety of hits. They were in the course of game action, delivered to Newton after a throw or in the midst of being tackled.
The Broncos were flagged for this infraction once.
Once.
For a league that is looking to protect its players, especially quarterbacks, these calls were not simply "mistakes" or "errors" by the referees. And to right it off as such is simply another loosening thread o…