Skip to main content

Desperation...

Contrary to popular belief, I have not fallen off of the face of the earth. The lack of recent posts was due to my obsession with the Olympics and Beach volleyball. So, here is a monologue I wrote to tide people over until the Olympics end. (Sure, women's beach volleyball is over, but the closing ceremonies are going to be awesome. Right? Right?! Dammit...

DESPERATION
(Robert is a 29 yr old man. He stands in the center of the stage, a chair right behind him.)

"Today is the 1st day of the rest of our lives. (ROBERT sits.) Um. Yeah... My name is Robert, and, um, well, I'm an... (ROBERT pulls out a pack of cigarettes. He methodically opens the pack and pulls one out. He lights it up.) I'm an alcoholic. I don't have a problem, it's my friends, they're enablers really-- What? No smoking inside. Sorry. I guess I've seen too many movies. You know, smoke a cigarette, open up, hug it out, you know....I'll put it out. (ROBERT takes a few more quick puffs from the cigarette and puts it out on his shoe. He instinctively takes out another one and lights up.) Well, like I was saying, my friends are the ones that get me to drink. I mean, they want to have a good time and I give them that. Stories and stories they can tell their grandkids one day, I suppose. Just a bunch of bullshit, really, if you ask me... Of course, they're the ones that recommended me to come here. Personally, I think they've seen Intervention too many times, but I said what the hell... I've been drinking since I was 18. It's just something I do to pass the time. I mean, I get bored. What better to do than knock back a cold one or two...or twelve. It's not a problem, really-- Pardon. Oh, yeah. The smoke. My bad. (He puts the cigarette out.) Um, so, last week, I was at the bar. Can I start there? I don't really feel like starting back much further. That would take a big fuckin' hammer to sort out those issues...So, I was this place called O'Michaels on 32nd...Yeah, that's the one. Best Rum and Cokes in town. The best. They use nothing but the best rum. I'm talking top shelf shit. Um, anyways, long story short, my best friend and I are having a good time, drinking, checking out chicks. Stuff that buddies do, right? Well, the night goes on, shit winds down, and my friend and I have words. I don't even remember what about, I'm so wasted, but shit goes down. I end up beating him up bad. (ROBERT takes out a cigarette and smokes it.) A bunch of drinks get spilled and I bruise my knuckles up. Can you believe it?-- Yeah, the cigarette, I know-- All that wasted alcohol. Now that's alcohol abuse-- Hold on a minute. Let me finish-- Do you get it? All that wasted alcohol. Gone like a flash-- Jesus Christ. It's just a fuckin' cigarette. A little smoking never hurt anyone. My best friends in the hospital and you're worried about cigarette smoke. Jesus Christ! I don't care if these other people don't like it. This is my time. Me. If they don't want me to smoke on their time, I won't. This is my time. Isn't this what this is all about? A bunch of self-centered people coming to talk to other self-centered people about their own personal problems. I don't want to be here. He doesn't want to be here. She doesn't want to be here. Hell, you don't even want to be here. This is all pointless. I"m not here because I have a problem. I'm here because I hurt someone else besides myself for once. Can't you get that. This doesn't help me. The second I walk out of here I'm going to drain the flask that's in my pocket digging into my thigh right now. And it's going to be sweet, sweet relief. That's how much I care about this thing here. I just want my friend back. (ROBERT takes a long puff from his cigarette and finishes it.) Happy. It's gone. (He takes out the flask and drinks from it.) My name is Robert. Today is the first day of the rest of my life."

J.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Bromance of Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Matthew Lillard

In the late 1990's and early 2000's, there was no greater bromance than that between Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Matthew Lillard. The two of them appeared in no less than five movies together in a five year time span. These two were meant to be. Two young stars destined to take the world by storm as a team. Hanging out, meeting women, and enjoying the good life. And then, just like that, stardom was ripped away from them. Though they continued to work, they would never appear together again in a film.
What was it that pulled them apart? Did they just choose to go different directions? Was it Sarah Michelle Gellar that drove a wedge between these two? While Lillard eventually went on to star in an Oscar nominated film (The Descendants), Prinze, Jr. went on to write for the WWE and occasionally show up as a guest star on television shows. While both have tried, neither has recaptured that joy that once displayed on screen. Tonight, I want to dutifully remind the world of t…

American Sports Franchises Thirsty for a Title

image courtesy of flickr.com
A billy goat. A dash of bad luck. A sprinkle of a die hard fan. Leon Durham. Add those together and you have the beginnings of the recipe for the curse that has haunted the Chicago Cubs for over 70 years.
In winning the 2016 World Series, the Cubs collected their first World Series title since 1908. Their seven-game victory effectively ended the longest title drought among the four major professional sports leagues in the United States.


Now that the talk of a goat and Bartman can be put to rest, it is now the Cleveland Indians sitting on the longest drought in the Major League baseball. The Indians will be discussed here, as will the other longest droughts in the three other major American sports leagues.
MLB-Cleveland Indians
The Indians moved through the American League this postseason with ease. First, they swept the Boston Red Sox in the ALDS. Then, they took care of the Toronto Blue Jays in five games.
Yes, the Indians lost in the World Series after l…

From Negan with Love

YouTube screenshot
*The following contains Spoilers from the season 7 premiere of "The Walking Dead"
"Pissing our pants yet? Boy, do I have a feeling we're getting close."- Negan, The Walking Dead

And people thought Ramsay Bolton was sadistic.


The much anticipated season seven premiere of The Walking Dead hit the airwaves last Sunday. Boy, was it a doozy.
I am not going to spend much time on what side of the liked/didn't like it/I'm never watching again spectrum I fall in. I will say that I was enraptured, on the edge of my seat for nearly the entire one hour, six minutes (including commercials) of the episode. This was an episode that filled me with a sense of existential dread for the characters inhabiting The Walking Dead world. It is a feeling that is still with me nearly two days later.
As a disclaimer, I am only through the first ten volumes of the graphic novels. I have yet to reach the Negan arc. I am also on the side of the court that didn't m…