The Illuminati ended Tom Brady's season...

That collective gasp many of you heard Sunday afternoon (or morning, depending on time zone) was that of millions of Patriots fans watch their season go down the drain when Tom Brady injured his knee. On top of that, tens of millions that most likely selected Tom Brady in their top five of fantasy football watched as their wallets emptied much quicker than they had anticipated. Some may say that it was just a cruel twist of fate, that a man cannot be the king of a mountain for so long. Others will say (i.e. Patriots fans) that the hit was an illegal hit, and that's why Brady will sit out this season. The real answer, in fact, goes much deeper. The reason, simply, is this: The Illuminati have ended Tom Brady's season.

For those unaware of who, and what, the Illuminati are, they are an Enlightenment-era secret society founded on May 1st, 1776, which was dedicated to the systematic and stealthy conquest of nations, one by one, and ultimately the entire world (Illuminati, Wikipedia, first paragraph.) Now, this is the historical definition of the Illuminati. Many theorists still contend that the Illuminati are around today, controlling the acts of governments and societies abroad and in America. For more information, simply visit many conspiracy theories regarding 9/11.

Now why, you may be asking, why the Illuminati would care so much about Tom Brady. He could, by all means, be a member of this elite group. He has money, looks, popularity, women, and a connection with the general public. And he may very well be a part of this group, but there were underlying reasons to this act of injury. Simply put, the Illuminati have set in motion a plan to unleash their powers on the world, and more importantly, put an end to Danny's fantasy football season.

Why would a simple man in Boise, ID be the object of the Illuminati? The fact is, through long research and hours of reading, it seems Danny's original team name for his fantasy team may have accidentally stumbled onto a long uncovered Illuminati secret. You see, Danny's team name was Tom Brady's Robots. The answer is right there in the title. The dots had been connected by Danny and thus was found the secret to Tom Brady's throwing arm. Fearing their secret was about to be let out, the Illuminati found it fit to end Tom Brady's season and bring him back when rumors of such things had dissipated. In fact, while Brady is away, this is a perfect opportunity to let his power grow.

A second running theory is that to stop the accidental genius of Danny, the Illuminati, in cooperation with the New England Patriots, have dreamed up this entire hoax to get Danny to change his team name and release Tom Brady. Look at the facts: the New England Patriots have always been a secretive team and they have yet to say what exactly is wrong with the knee, only that he is done for the season. Also, the Illuminati were not about to let Danny win a fantasy football season by picking Tom Brady with the second pick in his NFL draft. Plus, in conjunction with the NFL, the Illuminati were looking for a way to make this season more dramatic for the New England Patriots. And nothing would be more dramatic then Brady coming back from a "season ending" injury in week 6 to lead the team back to the Super Bowl.

The bottom line is, watch out. The Illuminati have already ruined one man's fantasy football season. Who knows, maybe taking away the dollar menu at Wendy's could be next...

J.

Comments

Danny Cerullo said…
That Illuminati is always ruining everything for me. My fantasy team was going to blow the lid on that group of elitist lizard people once and for all. I swear to god if they take away that dollar menu I'm starting a goddamned revolution

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