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Balloon Boy

As many of you probably know, Americans were glued to their televisions and computers this afternoon watching the ordeal of the six year old boy floating above Colorado in his parents' weather balloon. For a quick back story, a six year old boy crawled into the weather balloon and the balloon came un-tethered from the house from which it was tied. The balloon floated over the city at high elevations for nearly two hours before crash landing in a field. Upon arriving at the scene, officers and volunteers found the balloon to be empty. As it turned out, the boy is safe at home in this hour and fortunately, no tragedy occurred. The boy simply had untied the balloon and was afraid of punishment, so he hid in a box in the attic of the garage. No harm, no foul.

Which brings me to a bigger issue that I have uncovered in this news story. It's a complex issue that has plagued Americans and others alike for many years. It is very serious and needs to be dealt with head on. It's time to stop ignoring what is going on here. That issue, my friend, is simply this: Storm chasing, alien loving hippies.

That's right, they are out there. Inspired by the movie Twister and the movie Fire in the Sky, the group of storm chasing hippies will only grow in notoriety thanks to today's news story. And maybe that's why all of this happened. It was an elaborate hoax designed by the father of poor Falcon (the six year old's name) in an effort to bring mention of his cause. Lo and behold, I've jumped on the train. Who doesn't want to give up their job and become a professional storm chaser? There's nothing like spending all of your free time making a weather balloon out of the foil from old jiffy pop popcorn devices. You know, the popcorn that you pop over the stove? That's the foil I'm talking about. Once that ultimate weather balloon is made, you spend your entire time traveling the mid west searching for the ultimate F5 tornado. Maybe even in their down time, the kids travel around on their bicycles looking for the perfect dust devil. Point being, storm chasing hippies are here to stay.

According to various news sources I looked at today, including Yahoo and CNN, this family even spent time designing saucer like objects that could fly into the center of a storm. While I appreciate the fact we, as a whole, could possibly collect data from these storms, it is obvious we have placed the production in the wrong hands. These hippies spend the day building weather balloons, following Doppler radar, not showering, meditating, and then searching the skies for alien life form. This man, Mr. Richard Heene, has even had his family appear on the "hit" ABC series Wife Swap. No kidding. The storm chasing hippie really likes the publicity and here he has developed the ultimate plan to bring his community of people to the forefront. Instead of sending monkeys to space, he will send his little boy to space in a weather balloon filled with popcorn.

Is that a stretch? No. Okay, maybe. Maybe it was a test to see if the weather balloon could fly to see how long it could go. Maybe these storm chasing hippies are going to live in the Jiffy Pop Balloon and travel the world searching for hurricanes and tornadoes. I really have no idea. All I do know is that the Storm Chasing, Alien Loving Hippies are growing in number in Colorado. In fact, their numbers are only second to those of the John Elway fan club. That's saying a lot. Now Mr. Heene has caught the nation's attention with his weather balloon and his balloon boy. I just kept thinking what an adventure that would have been for this boy. Flying high over the majestic state of Colorado, complete trapped in the Jiffy Pop Balloon. What a gas! The aliens living in hurricanes must be impressed.

As it is, the storm chasing hippies will continue to go on watching the Weather Channel, documenting the events of Alien, and working on their ultimate weather balloon. Until then, I'd like you to remember these two very important lessons that came from today: Don't tie your weather balloon to the side of your house and all young boys are liars.

Thank you and good night.

J.

*Thanks to Yahoo and CNN for their extended coverage. And Veronica, sorry I couldn't include you in this blog. I will thank you in advance for your support on the Balloon Boy script I'm working on. If all goes well, it will be the perfect companion piece to Jake Gyllenhaal's 2001 hit, Bubble Boy. It is your support and devotion that will make us rich off of this movie. By the way, I need to borrow $10,000...

Comments

Danny said…
So does this mean that our tornado chasing road trip is canceled? I was really looking forward to that.
Hasko said…
No, no. That's still on. I want to see what this storm chasing fun is all about. I even built a Jiffy Pop weather balloon.
Veronica said…
Jason you quit your job to write "Balloon Boy" and chase storms... I don't know if I can support this.

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