Hello. My name is Jason and I have a problem. Today, 2 days before Valentine's Day, I watched The Notebook. I did not do this with a women or as a favor to a girlfriend. I watched it myself, in the afternoon, and without an alcoholic beverage in hand. I have a problem...
Okay, so it's not a problem. I really enjoy the movie. It's that damn sensitive side of me that forces such actions on my life. And it's not the first time I've watched it. Or the fifth. It's maybe the sixth time I've seen it, at least parts of it. Normally, I like to tell people that I watch it because Sam Shepard is in it (He plays Ryan Gosling's dad, for those who don't know), but that was not the case. Today, I wanted to get back in touch with the side of me that always believed that true love will conquer all, fate will always re-unite the destined, blah, blah, blah...
This may be the last time I speak of such things on this blog, but sometimes a person just needs to write it all out. Up until the last few years or so, I had a nice romantic viewpoint of the world. I believed in the idea of fate and destiny. I truly believed that one person should only have one true love of a lifetime. And perhaps it had been these naive notions that had driven me in my pursuit of happiness in life. Not only in love, but in everything I did. I wasn't naive to the point in which I sat around waiting for things to happen (I know hard work is also involved), but I also truly believed that if two people were meant to be together, it would happen. Or if a career were meant to be successful, that to would happen. And maybe it was because of movies like The Notebook that helped reinforce these ideals of mine.
I lost that feeling. Maybe it's because I'd been hurt so many times in love. Or maybe it was because I wasn't where I wanted to be in my life yet. I don't know exactly where to pinpoint any of it. I look back in my life and realize, at least on the love part, I was already miserable in some of those relationships, but was too busy caught up in the idea of "togetherness" to realize it. The end may have hurt initially, but I have always moved past them. At least that had been the case and in those relationships I can appreciate them as learning lessons of life. That's what is important. I can say that even in the one I haven't been able to let go that learning lessons have occurred.
And regards to my life, my career, I have realized over the past 3 years or so that I could have always worked harder at pursuing my dreams. And I'm doing that now. There are no regrets in life, and for awhile, I did not realize that. I liked to dwell on the "what-ifs" of life. I gave up on that. I realize that everything does happen for a reason. And sometimes you don't have to let go of something you know is right. I don't remember who said this quote, but I have looked at it every day for the last year or so.. "Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about." I apply this to many aspects of my life, including writing, my career, love, and friendships.
I do not know what the future holds. That's part of the fun. I do not want to let go of beliefs I have of fate and love and all that crap. And I have Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams to thank for that. As far as sappy blog posts go, this one ranks pretty high. Sometimes, though, it's good to blabber. And if there are way too many cliches in this post, I do not apologize. I do promise to get back to more pressing topics at hand in the future, like what's new at JERSEY SHORE. I'll save that for next time.
Now, if you excuse me, I have to go build a dream house for my love and then pout over her for at least five more years. And to grow a beard. That means I'm distraught.
"It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am a master of my fate:
I am the Captain of my soul."