Ann Coulter vs Soccer

Moral-adj: of or relating to principles of right and wrong in behavior

"Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation's moral decay."

That is a direct quote from Ann Coulter's recent article that was posted on her website. At first when I started reading this article, I figured it must be some sort of joke. Almost like something a person would read on The Onion. After some research, I discovered it was in fact a true article written by Ms. Coulter. Normally I would write this off as satire of sort, but considering the source, that was not an option. Perhaps she is just doing what she always does and that is spouting off at the mouth. If she's looking for a reaction, she certainly got it.

Defending soccer was not on my list of things to do today, but sometimes when the issue of moral decay is brought to the forefront something must be said. Due to the beauty of the internet in which all people have opinions, hundreds of people are doing exactly that right now. Sure most of those responses are being written in the comment sections of her article, but I have chosen to do it in blog form.  

1.) Ms. Coulter uses examples of individual feats in other sports (i.e. basketball and baseball) to explain why these sports are lauded and soccer is destroying our nation.  While a slam dunk in basketball is thrilling, in the end, it's still worth two points.  A goal in soccer can be just as exciting, it just sometimes requires a bit more patience to see.  And just like in basketball, teamwork is involved.  Often times, like a goal in soccer, a dunk requires a teammate getting that player the ball.

Soccer also requires athleticism.  Michael Bradley, in the game against Portugal, was estimated to have ran 7 miles during the game.  I'd say that's much more than a baseball player who might stand around for 3 hours and maybe swing the bat four times.

Also, in the World Cup, the player that scores the most goals gets the Golden Boot.  It's very much like an MVP, in some cases.  Maybe you should research Soccer before handing it the label of the sport that decays morals.

2.) Last I checked, baseball is a co-ed sport, especially for younger ages.  And you know what, many times these days the teams don't even keep score.  And everyone gets to bat.  There are no losers.  Talk about moral decay!

3.) Okay, basically you think Soccer is boring.  Who needs an update on billboards when the score is tied 0-0?  I'm with you there.  Soccer games certainly have moments of boredom.  You could have easily stopped that statement right there.  For some inexplicable reason, you decide to invoke the death of Michael Jackson.  You said that maybe if he would have just watched soccer to cure his insomnia and not turned to drugs, he might still be alive today.  By my calculations, that would have saved his life.  And by taking the moral choice of watching soccer, he'd be alive today.  Hmm...

4.) No personal humiliation, huh?  Try living down the fact you scored a goal against your own team.  I'd say that's pretty humiliating and sometimes the difference between victory and defeat.  Much like a field goal kicker who misses an easy field goal to win the game for his team.  And let's not talk about playing through injuries or that soccer isn't a physical sport.  Just look at Clint Dempsey please.

5.) You can't use your hands in soccer.  What's the point of opposable thumbs if we can't use them, right?  I'm not even sure what this has to do with moral decay.  It's wrong to play a sport in which you can't use your hands.  So guess that means, since I watch Soccer, that I might as well go commit some crimes.  Also, have you not seen the position of goalkeeper?  Guess what, in soccer a goalkeeper can use their hands.

6.) I love football.  I play fantasy football.  Between the months of September thru February, my weekends are consumed by it.  A football game is usually around 3 hours long and about 11 minutes of that are actual on field action.  At least with soccer you get close to 80 minutes of action during a 90 minute game.  The reason we don't have to be told to like Football is because it's rammed down our throats twelve months a year.  Football never goes away because it has slowly been building to this behemoth for the last twenty years.  Soccer will never reach that level, yes, but certainly when 18.2 million people watch a game it is something to make mention of.  Instead you want us continue to be a nation that watches a game in which murderers, thieves, cheaters, adulterers, homophobes, and drug addicts make millions of dollars?  Good on you. *I realize the NFL is not entirely made up these types of people.  In fact, it might be the minority, but you get my point.

7.) So African Americans aren't watching soccer or so you say.  Pretty certain I have plenty of African American friends that are enjoying the World Cup.  So there was simply no need for you to bring race into this.

8.) Liberals want the metric system to be used in the United States.  Wait.  Was this a thinly connected point just made by you to point out you don't like Liberals?

9.) See point #6

Then you mention Teddy Kennedy and deliver a veiled statement in which you say it's the immigrants/refugees (illegal or legal, you don't say) that are driving up the popularity of soccer in the United States.

If my checklist is correct, in this article Ms. Coulter managed to offend Liberals, Soccer Moms, Germans, illegal immigrants, African Americans, Soccer players, Irish Catholics, Michael Jackson's family, Beyonce, and people with American born great-grandfathers. 

Not everyone likes soccer.  I understand that.  I watch it every four years (religiously) and catch a few other games here and there during the in between time.  I am not the most fanatic person about it unless it involves Team USA (Men for sure, the women's team a little more sporadically.)  The games I do watch are often filled with both drama and excitement.  The main reason, aside from playing while growing up and enjoying te game, is this: to support my country.  No matter how far away from the game, I have a sense of American pride when it comes to watching Team USA play in the World Cup.  Next time you want to write an article about soccer and how you don't like it, just leave it at that.  Don't try to push across your platform and pass soccer off as a trend of decaying morals.  If showing my American pride by rooting for an underdog is decaying my morals, I will gladly take take over anything any day of the week.