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A Revolution Birthday Fact Parade

Happy Birthday, America.  You turn 238 years old today.  You're starting to show your age a bit, but who doesn't after being around for so long?  America has fireworks, apple pie, watermelon, barbeques, and even a hot dog eating contest to honor your birthday.  Yep, America, you have it all.  In honor of your birthday, let's take a look at some facts from the American Revolution and our independence.

After a long day of chopping down Cherry trees and doing General stuff, George Washington only wanted to settle in next to a fire with a mug of whiskey and relax a bit.  Instead, he was forced to listen to his wife Martha read to him from a weekly publication called Keeping up with the Reveres.  This serial indulged the colonies with the inane stories involving the daughters of Paul Revere.  While Paul Revere was famous for his midnight ride, his daughters actually brought no real value to the world.  Yet colonists kept shilling out a gold piece a week to continue to follow the daughters' stories.  George Washington went as far as to cross the Delaware River in the middle of winter in order to avoid having to hear anything more about the Revere daughters.

We've all heard that the Colonists were tired of taxation without representation.  They even had a collective tea party in attempt to break free of England's rule.  Let me tell you about another darker, more sinister reason that we desired independence.  Turns out that a group of colonists from Pennsylvania, led by Thomas Paine, had formed a soccer team.  While these players were never selected to be part of Great Britain's national team, they were tired of being associated with The Three Lions and their lack of advancement in World Cups.  These players from Pennsylvania not only wanted independence for their country, but also wanted soccer independence as well.  In their hearts, they knew that the Colonies would always have a bigger, faster, and stronger soccer team--er, I mean country.

Benedict Arnold is largely known as a traitor to the Colonies.  In fact, at the time, the Colonies were largely divided has to whether Arnold should be called a traitor or be hailed as a hero.  Here was a man that worked for the Army of the Colonies and he knew many of our best kept secrets.  Arnold finally drew the line when Colony soldiers began to intercept the common man's letters.  In time of war and terror, our top generals were on the lookout for traitors and only wanted to keep the Colonies safe.  Instead it was Arnold that divulged the secrets of our nation to the British because he just couldn't take the deception anymore.  Eventually, Benedict Arnold eventually found asylum in Russia where he lived out his life in misery.

William Daniels, aka Mr. Feeny, aka the voice of K.I.T.T. on Knight Rider, took part in an historical re-enactment called 1776.  In this, he played John Adams.  The great John Adams, our second president who was one of the many men who took part in our independence.  Which is funny, because I do believe that Mr. Feeny was the Principal at John Adams High.  This was a high school in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.  Nothing historical here, I just wanted everyone to know more about William Daniels.  Wait.  Boy Meets World just took on a whole new meaning for me.  The creators, it seems, just really loved 1776 and this show was created just to work with William Daniels.  Now there's trivia for you.

Thomas Jefferson was a great stage actor before getting into politics.  In fact, just before the Revolution, Jefferson played the lead in a touring production of Hamlet.  When he became a delegate in the Continental Congress, Jefferson knew that politics were his true calling.  Jefferson drew up the first draft of the Declaration of Independence and later became our third President.  Revisionists of history like to harken back to Jefferson and say that during his presidency America was at it's brightest.  While he did acquire most of Middle America for us, people tend to forget his failed "War on Opium" program.  And let's not even talk about Jeffersonomics, the economy program that was good at first but would lead us into a Depression nearly 100 years later.

So Happy Birthday, United States of America.  You've come along way.  Here's to another 238 more!

"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."-Thomas Paine


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