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For the love of Quinns!

Ah! Quinns is the title of a new play that I'm working that will be a companion piece to Ah! Wilderness. Okay, that is an out an out lie. I'm not writing a new play called Ah! Quinns. As a matter of fact, it's more appropriately the response I give when someone says, "Hey Jason, let's go to Quinns." "Ah, Quinns," I respond half heartedly. "We haven't been there in awhile."

Quinns is in itself a modern scientific marvel. One can have a good time at Quinns and come home thinking it was a horrible time. Or vice versa, for that matter. I guess that's just what this bar/restaurant located on Vista Avenue can do to a man. Or woman. Or thing, really. Hell, Quinns was the lucky establishment my friends and I visited on Mustache Saturday (see: my blog, June 15 2008) and Back Hair Saturday.

Quinns is best observed on Saturday nights, when karaoke is in full effect. (And Thursday's now, too, I've heard. Never participated in that, so I can't give you the logistics just yet.) If you're feeling lucky, you can try hip hop night on Fridays, which I usually never stick around for. Karaoke is run by Stan, the Karaoke guy. It's not his full name, or his stage name for that matter, but it's simply what I call him. Karaoke night on Saturday's usually has the same five to seven people that are always there, plus a group of rowdy people who are there that one night, and you will most likely never see in there again. They do put on a good, drunken show. Which by that I mean they butcher sad bastard country songs that most people have never heard of. The song selection is decent, but Stan does need to look into updating his books. The plus side of that is he does have a collection of CD's that aren't in the book, and if you do him a nice favor, like buying him a shot, he may let you look at them. Or you can always bring your own CD, that way you can put on any number from your favorite musical.

As luck would have it, a lucky patron can get a pitcher of beer for six dollars. That's right, six. I didn't stutter. Quinns serves food until 3am on many nights at a decent price. It's not the greatest food in the world, but it's not the worst. It's especially good after a long night for drinking.

Quinns is home of the seven second Long Island. That, unfortunately, is not a house drink. It was invented by a friend of mine who bet me and another friend that he could finish his Long Island in seven second. Being the cretins we are, we simply laughed at my friend. Well, he proved us wrong and drank that Long Island in seven seconds. And proceeded to do it two more time in the next 20 minutes. That is probably the first and last time I'd ever seen anyone cut off from drinking at Quinns. We took him from the bar and the next thing I knew a basketball I had in my car was rolling down the middle of Vista Avenue and my Long Island friend was trying to chase it down before traffic could run it over. I'd go on, but that would break my earlier rule of what happens after 2am stays in Vegas, so therefore I won't.

I will say that you can really get to know someone in the bathrooms at Quinns. I'm not saying that because hookers patrol the place. I'm just informing everyone that the bathrooms are about 3 by five feet wide. It's always nice when you can take a piss with someone washing their hands right behind your ass. You must be very comfortable with tight spots and not claustrophobic.

Finally, Quinns has the ultimate karaoke God in the man called John. He wears the same blue, flannel shirt every week that I've been there. His top songs include "No One Else on Earth" and "Don't Fear the Reaper". Enjoy his music styling.

Overall, Quinns gets Four Long Islands. Out of seven.

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut"- Hemingway.

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