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Showing posts from 2008

Enough already...

By de facto, I became a San Diego Chargers fan. I will state that right away. Over the years, though, they have grown on me, and I would say they are my second favorite team, losing out to the Chicago Bears as favorite. That being said, it would be understandable that I would defend Philip Rivers in a conversation of who's the better the quarterback: Rivers or Jay Cutler. The fact is, even if I wasn't a fan of the Chargers, Rivers would be my winner every time. And this was before I even looked at the season and career stats of each quarterback.

The reason I'm putting this out there today is that because I'm tired of watching the Denver Broncos on television and always hearing what a great quarterback Jay Cutler is and what a hothead Philip Rivers is. I could say that I've watched many Denver Bronco games over the past two years, and Jay Cutler is one of the biggest cry babies I've seen to play the game in recent years. Every time something goes wrong the…

Christmas Time is near...

Aah, the Holiday season. A time to celebrate with friends and family. A time of giving and love. A time to become completely inebriated. All in all, 'tis the season to be merry. So, in order to fully appreciate the season, I've decided to open this blog to you, the avid reader. I am presenting 8 questions about the holidays that I desperately need answered. Feel free to leave comments or questions of your own. It's time to collaborate as a group and turn this season on its head. (I do know by doing this I open myself up to any ridicule you may have. Proceed.) And away we go...
1.) Does Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer really want to be associated with Columbus? 1a) And do reindeer really enjoy playing football?
2.) If it is technically summer in Australia, then shouldn't they celebrate Christmas on June 25th, in the middle of winter?
3.) Has there ever been an elf that has sued Santa over labor abuse? 3a) Is there such a thing as an Elvin Union?
4.) Wh…

Fans of no one...

Philadelphia. The City of Brotherly love. The city where liberty rings true. And the city where fans notoriously booed and pelted Santa Claus with snowballs. It's been forty years since that infamous incident occurred and it got me thinking about what fans in other sports cities do when Santa arrives at their games. Do they boo if their teams is suffering through a horrible season, like the Eagles were doing that year? Or do they open old Kris Kringle with open arms? Let's take a look.
Oakland Raiders: Raiders' fans would be glad they overpaid for an aging Santa and then show rabid disinterest upon realizing that Santa is old and fat.
Dallas Cowboys: The fans in Dallas will be happy Santa has arrived at first, but when he starts complaining about the Tooth Fairy not being his friend, the fans will boo loudly. They then will cheer again when Santa does his wild end zone dance and leads the team to another first round playoff exit.
Los Angeles Lakers: At first glanc…

A Big Pile of B(c)S

Let me pose a few questions to start this off with: In Blackjack, if you get a 21 and the dealer has less than that or busts, does the dealer still win because he played tougher opponents this round? In baseball, do the LA Dodgers win the division but are punished by not making the playoffs because they play in an inferior division? The answer to both of these questions, without me even having to state it, is no. The teams or blackjack players are both rewarded for their hard work, no matter what the case may be.

Why is it then, in college football, they can't seem to figure out this whole bowl fiasco. I'm not even talking just about the undefeated Boise St. Broncos. (More on that later.) I'm also talking about the five teams with one loss that deserve equal opportunity as the two playing for the National Championship. Who's to say that these teams don't deserve the same chance? Well, a computer, that's who. Some computers sitting in a basement at NCAA …

We interrupt this program...

Now that the holiday season is in full swing, it is time to take a look at the holiday programming that is about to hit the airwaves. There are of course the classics, but as we look further down the list, some curious choices are dotting the programming.

Rudolph: Dec. 3rd, CBS (8pm EST)
A classic story of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and his journey to fame. ****

A Very Brady Christmas: Dec. 9th ABC Family (4pm EST)
The Brady's re-unite in this Christmas Story for the ages. **

Lost: A Christmas Special: Dec. 10th ABC (9pm EST)
Join John Locke as he returns to America three years in the future, just in time to spend Christmas with the people around him who he thought were dead. And to explain to us the Christmas miracle of why millions of people wasted six years of their life following the show. *

Christmas in the Hills: Dec. 14th MTV (Check Local Listings)
Spencer and Heidi tell stories of Christmas' past. Lauren laments on the fact because of the economy she can only spend two…

Back in the High Life Again...

Guess who's back? Back again. Jason's back. Back again.

After nearly a month long layoff, I am back with a quick update. I was going to open this by saying hello ladies and germs, but I decided the world isn't ready for 30s style comedy again. I will put that off until I feel everyone has earned it.

The reason I have not posted a new blog is because I was busy working on my new novel for novel writing month. The goal was to have a 50,000 word novel completed by November 30th. Let's just say I only reached 20,000 words, so I fell a LITTLE below the goal. I was rolling rather nicely until my birthday weekend, but the last week the motivation left me. I guess that's what a weekend full of whiskey, rum, and losing money will that do that to a person. I plan on posting the final chapter I had written within a day or two and take a break from it for a month. The link for the novel is on my profile. If you just click on my lovely picture on this site, then click…

I just can't stop...

BUCKETS OF BEER

Charlie and Martha pave the way
as the Bud Light keeps the company
of rainy days and lost innocence.

Spilled beer leads to nothing
but heartache
and still lit cigarette butts.

A non-bloody war
of cans and left over yogurt
can only lead to glory.

Outside
the rain falls gently
on easier times.

Inside
the boys deal with bad aim
and a black eye.

Surrounded by a sea of trash
the beer is gone
and the ego is still wounded.

Can you believe its only midnight on Saturday?

Sex and Violence

"Hi kids, do you like violence. Wanna see me stick nine inch through each one of my eyelids." (That's old Marshall Mathers aka Eminem aka Slim Shady, for those of you that don't know) Well, apparently in at least two movie theaters in Utah, the kids do like their violence. It was announced by movie theater owner Larry Miller and his representatives that they will not be showing Zach and Miri Make a Porno, the upcoming new release by filmmaker Kevin Smith. They have deemed this movie to graphic and too close to an NC-17 rating to show in their peaceful little town. Meanwhile, at the same theaters, kids indulged themselves in showings of Saw V this past weekend. Let's see, two people making films about sex to pay rent or a person forced to either be blown up by a bomb or dig a key from behind their eyeball to save their life (okay, that's Saw II but you get the point). Seems pretty cut and dry to me.

While the pendulum on this issue seems to sway back and…

Creative Thoughts

I'm flying high. And it's never going to happen again because the end of existence draws nearer with each breathtakingly painless day. Where does it all go? Red bunnies jump forth into dark semi-circles of madness. Their jumping is worthless because those stupid little green leprechauns who travel around with gold coins rule the world. The rich get richer.

Time slips away, her breath moving farther away. Regret. There is no regret. Life is full. Regret nothing. There is no time for regret. Regret nothing. Fear everything. Save your mortal soul.

The bond is gone, carried to a shallow grave dug by one-armed midgets with no knowledge of how the world really works. Who really does, though? Certainly not me. She is gone, without a trace, buried into the night air. Not the one that took your innocence, but the one that was there to restore it. The road taken was the one more traveled upon. Experience does matter. So do brains. An intellectual conversation is a mu…

Taking the Devil out of Tampa

Congratulations, Tampa Bay Rays. You have played a great series against the Boston Red Sox and now will be traveling to the World Series. While I have been a lifelong Red Sox fan and am thoroughly disappointed their season ended, I will tip my hat to the Rays. They are a young, talented team that I have not learned to completely hate (except for Willy Aybar) and I wish them best of luck in the World Series.

As for you, city of Tampa Bay, you do not get off that easy. For ten long years you have suffered...give me a break! Suffering is not ten years of occasionally taking your family to the game in the summer to watch the Rays only because they are playing only the Red Sox or the Yankees. Suffering is watching Bill Buckner and Aaron Boone ruin your childhood dreams crumble before you. Suffering is waiting twenty years and counting for a World Series, like Dodgers fans. (Of course, I mean the ones that don't go to the game for just the third through seventh innings. That is …

This is News?!?!?!?

The Channel 12 team in Boise has been been duped again. At least in my opinion, anyhow. Let me explain.

As I was enjoying Shayne Wells and her beautiful looks, she began her next story. (At least I think it was her that did the story. I get really lost during their nine o'clock newscast sometimes). She was talking about a website called stdcarriers.com. The crew at Fox had discovered this website and found out that it functioned as an "outing" of sort of people around the country that had an STD. It was basically set up as people that felt burned (Burned? Get it...) by an ex-fling, one night stand, or lover that had failed to mention they had an STD. The story went on to report that many people were on the STD list, while only one person was listed on the STD free list. The reporter went as far to call the creator of the website, uncovering that he started the site because he had slept with a girl that failed to mention she had herpes. Therefore, revenge was hi…

A message to America...

I'm going to apologize right off the bat. I am not going to be speaking about Spencer from The Hills like I had promised. I decided that even I don't want to waste any more time or braincells talking about him or even mentioning his name. That is that, so get off my back.

First off, America, maybe you missed my earlier blog about using your minds because you're at it again. Maybe it happens with every presidential election, I don't know, but things are getting out of hand. I read today that recent pollsters have found out that Sarah Palin is actually causing her and John McCain to lose ground in the presidential race. Contrary to popular belief it is not because of her general lack of experience. No, no. According to three men with clipboards and mechanical pencils, it is simply because Tiny Fey is mocking her on Saturday Night Live.

Now, I know very well that pop culture has an overwhelming effect on America. Why else do women buy little dogs that fit in their …

Just a little life update

Dear valued readers,
As Columbus Day approaches, it is time for my annual Columbus Day letter. I am living in Boise, ID going on my second year now. I have a beautiful apartment that overlooks the Homeless Shelter in beautiful downtown Boise and is only minutes away from the Fire Department. The location is great, and allows me to walk home from the bar if I ever desired. It's a little cramped in here with all of my boxes of stuff. I have a bike in my kitchen, no couch, and a twin sized bed that barely fits me. Things are going really well.

I continue to be employed with US Bank. It is one of the top five banks in the nation, so I am not worried about my job. Though if people keep taking their money out of the bank, the dollar is really going to drop. So stop it... I've been employed there for over a year and a half, so the stability is nice.

The Red Sox are inching closer to the World Series. I am hoping for a Red Sox/Dodgers World Series, well, because that would be i…

Curse this!

I've decided to write this blog as a response to Danny's blog (dcerublog.blogspot.com). He is apparently very tired of everyone saying how the Cubs lost because they are cursed, or they simply lost because they didn't play well. Well, Mr. Cerullo, the Cubs are cursed. They didn't play well at all. So, for the hell of it, here are ten reasons the Cubs are cursed.

10.) Tuffy Rhodes hit three home runs in his first game in a Cubs uniform. Where is he now? Who knows. He probably didn't three more home runs in his career all because he hit them for the Cubs.

9.) Moises Alou pees on his hands. That's why the Cubs lost in 2003. That's not anyway to get rid of a curse. And the curse knew it.

8.) Okay, we all know about the goat. Why can't a goat go watch a baseball game? The guy bought a ticket for the goat and everything. The Cubs have no soul for letting this man watch the game with his favorite goat.

7.) They try to cheat by letting ivy grow on…

Social Networking...

After careful consideration, I have decided to launch a new social networking site. It will blend the best of all networking sites into one uber site. The name of my creation: Myfacespace.com (PENDING...)

There is one catch and many rules to this new site. The catch is that once you initially sign up, you can't immediately search out your friends. The customer (that's you) will fill about a brief survey with questions such as: relationship status, favorite movie(s), birthday, hair color, STD's, how many times you've stabbed a man, rating your bitterness, and favorite color. These are just a few, though, so be prepared. The answers to these question will put you in a group of people with similar interests and these will be your "friends". Some of your friends will be in this group, most likely, but others, like if you're friends with Lauren Conrad on myspace, may not. This way, people are forced to make new friends. At least they know going in tha…

Paranoia..

Paranoia is striking the heart of America. And it is not being caused by the economy, war, or the presidential debates. It is being caused, in a way, in the very forum in which I am presenting this blog. Simply put, the paranoia is being caused by the invention of the 24 hour news cycle.
A person can access the latest news anywhere. Pick up your phone, get text message alerts every time the Stock Market drops a point. Maybe you don't like that option. How about receiving an email every time the price of an oil barrel goes up a cent? Don't like that, I see. Perhaps you'd like to turn on a news channel watching Bill O'Reilly hosting eight people you've never heard of arguing why we should/shouldn't attack Russia? (Speaking of which, come on now, this is not the Cold War. Maybe we should stop sticking our noses in other people's business. Different topic, different time.) The point is, a person can't go anywhere without hearing the dreadful na…

A Piece of me...

The subject is the title...

"Standing at the edge of existence is an often difficult thing to withstand. Not knowing were to go next can lead to an amount of trouble that can never be fully explained. Confusion tugs at the heart. There are always questions without answers. Nothing will ever be said. Can I lead the life I want to lead? What's next on the agenda? Indecision drives the soul of every man, but it is my greatest fear. Above death, above life even, is the fact that I can't decide what I want. Even the idea of choosing the correct path is beyond me. Things are great or at least someone believes it, but I have trouble looking forward. How can I? It's said that we may be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us. How often have I tried to put the past behind me? Maybe once too often. I am sent into a downward spiral that may never end. I continue to hope, but it is a false hope and may never be satisfied. Can I live with that…

Silent Night

First off, a disclaimer. I am trying to get the creative juices flowing and decided to write the following blog. Plus, I have to catch up with Danny. So, if you desire, ignore the innate drivel that's about to ensue.

5:42 pm- For some reason, my tv is on the ABC Family Channel. Instead of changing it to Sports Center, I watch What I Like About You. Brain rots slowly.

6:07 pm- After spending too long on myspace, I decide to go running at the track at East Junior High.

6:48 pm- Running complete. I am a big pile of sweat after running two miles. Feel good though.

7:15 pm- I'm cooking dinner, and decide that tonight I will go to Barnes and Noble to write. Cliche, yes, but I'm more productive when I'm not home. I need to do laundry, though, and figure I can get one load done by 8:30 pm.

8:07 pm- Danny texts me to say the Red Sox lost. Stupid Red Sox.

8:08 pm- Text five girls looking for comfort after the loss.

8:09 pm- Realize I actually didn't hit send on the texts.…

The times, they are a changin'

It has been well documented since the dawn of time that as a person slides into the next generation of life, the things they loved amongst the pop culture crowd are not the ones being loved today. For example, someone out there has to like those cavemen commercials. Why would they keep showing them if no one did? I know I don't. I don't need my football games interrupted with that damn caveman playing Billie Jean King every ten minutes. Their showed failed. Please retire them. Where are the talking frogs from Budweiser when you need them?

The point is, as I approach (ahem) [cough] 30, I can see myself slowly drifting away from what the kiddies like. I'm not completely there yet, but someday soon, I will see myself in the shoes of a grumpy old man. I do not understand the popularity of Lil Wayne or Flo rida with his boots with the fur. I still listen to Eminem, Dr. Dre, and Snoop Dogg in my car, enjoying the smooth beats from the 90s. Rap music was music bac…

By the hand of God...

Let me begin by saying I don't delve into the topic of politics too often. And this blog will be short and may not even be about politics. It may allow you, the cherished reader, a small glimpse into my views but that's where I cut you off. At least for tonight, that is. Can't blow my load all in one shot, now can I? (No need for those laughs from the peanut gallery.)
The subject I'm about to broach will be over quick. I will start by saying that I am not anti-McCain. I have nothing but respect for the guy. At this point in America's struggle, though, I don't believe he is the best candidate. That, folks, is a topic for another time. I just wanted to state this before I began my short range assault on Sarah Palin.
My ire all started and is currently centralized around one remark I read of hers. This is coming from an article by Gene Johnson of the Associated Press. "Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin told ministry students at her former church that th…

The Illuminati ended Tom Brady's season...

That collective gasp many of you heard Sunday afternoon (or morning, depending on time zone) was that of millions of Patriots fans watch their season go down the drain when Tom Brady injured his knee. On top of that, tens of millions that most likely selected Tom Brady in their top five of fantasy football watched as their wallets emptied much quicker than they had anticipated. Some may say that it was just a cruel twist of fate, that a man cannot be the king of a mountain for so long. Others will say (i.e. Patriots fans) that the hit was an illegal hit, and that's why Brady will sit out this season. The real answer, in fact, goes much deeper. The reason, simply, is this: The Illuminati have ended Tom Brady's season.
For those unaware of who, and what, the Illuminati are, they are an Enlightenment-era secret society founded on May 1st, 1776, which was dedicated to the systematic and stealthy conquest of nations, one by one, and ultimately the entire world (Illuminati, W…

OMG!

"Dear Diary,
That title is not about the hit 90's group that sang How Bizarre. I loved them, yes, but only when I was working on kick ass computer programs like XP... Wait, a darn sec, silly me. That's OMC. I get confused pretty easily.

Did people really talk to each other before the internet and text messaging?

Was that just a dream?

That tv commercial, as funny as it was meant to be, is probably predicting the future. People will talk to each other in abbreviations and their pronunciation will be horrible.

I'm not even putting this in a true blog form because I'm proving a point.

The art of speaking to someone face to face will one day be lost.

I'm actually thinking that instead of laughing, I'm just going to say "LOL"

Is the word "are" that long to spell out that it needs to be spelled "r". Sure, it was probably written like that in your third grade love notes, but at least that was handwritten. If you have bad hand writing,…

Life's Lessons...

Okay, here's another monologue. I'm in a writing mood and I got some of the angriness out last time. I'll retire the monologues for awhile and put them on the scrap heap with the poetry. I'll get back to basics next time with an expose on the WB. Enjoy...

LIFE'S LESSONS
(NED, 37, reads from a book at a small coffee shop.)
Thank you. Thank you. I will end tonight with a reading from my first book, entitled "Treaties From the Dark Side." Just a little advice for all of us, especially you sweetie. How are you? Doing good? We'll talk later... Here we go. "It's a long, lonely road. The paths are all there, beat down by our ancestors before us, and they all lead to the same place. Death. No one single person can avoid the purity of passing on. The path is a crowded one, sure, but the walkers are all disconnected. All are enraptured with narrow minded possession of themselves. Yet all carry the same burden. Chances are take…

Three Hours of Pain...

The Boise State football team got off to its usual dominating start with a 49 to 7 thrashing of Idaho State. Once again, I did not attend the game, but instead watched it from the comfort of a friend's house. For the most part, I enjoyed the game. The one problem is, though, is that I would have enjoyed myself a whole lot better if I had muted the television for the three hours the game was on.
Okay, I'm gonna put this out there right off the bat. The following will make sense to all that have watched a BSU football game televised on our local tv network. Feel free to proceed, even if you have never seen a game on local tv here in Boise. You should count yourselves amongst the privileged to have never experienced the atrocity that is local broadcasting.
Now, that may come across as an angry viewer lashing out and in a way, it is. Here are just a few examples of what continues to irk me year after year and really, to be honest, no answers have been found:
1…

Desperation...

Contrary to popular belief, I have not fallen off of the face of the earth. The lack of recent posts was due to my obsession with the Olympics and Beach volleyball. So, here is a monologue I wrote to tide people over until the Olympics end. (Sure, women's beach volleyball is over, but the closing ceremonies are going to be awesome. Right? Right?! Dammit...

DESPERATION
(Robert is a 29 yr old man. He stands in the center of the stage, a chair right behind him.)

"Today is the 1st day of the rest of our lives. (ROBERT sits.) Um. Yeah... My name is Robert, and, um, well, I'm an... (ROBERT pulls out a pack of cigarettes. He methodically opens the pack and pulls one out. He lights it up.) I'm an alcoholic. I don't have a problem, it's my friends, they're enablers really-- What? No smoking inside. Sorry. I guess I've seen too many movies. You know, smoke a cigarette, open up, hug it out, you know....I'll put it out. (ROBERT takes a few …

Only Living Boy in Boise

Boise, ID- Go to college. Find a girl. Get married. Buy a house. Live happily ever after. It all seems so simple, right?

Well, that's what Jason Haskins thought all of those years ago while gazing up into the stars and listening to pop rock on 1240 radio, KELK. After 29 years and careful planning, that dream is finally coming true. No, there is no house. Or girl for that matter. What Jason does have is a college degree and a willingness to explore new things. Those two things are exactly what brought Jason to this moment in time. An idea? Maybe. A baffoon? Most likely.

Earlier today, in a pre-written, typed up statement, it was announced Jason would be holding his own version of The Bachelor*. Over the next four weeks (or however long it took) Jason would be auditioning girls to be his future girlfriend or commercial breaks permitting, a wife. How would this be possible, you may ask. In his statement, Jason broke it down quite simply.

The girls would compete for the …

Doldrums of Summer...

It is not often I take a moment to reflect in this forum, but hey, even I have my moments. As we head into the dog days of summer (and the Western Idaho Fair. Who's with me? Anyone? Ferris Wheel?), I'd like to take a brief second of your time to look back and see what I've learned.

The Boston Celtics won their 17th NBA Championship in June. It's really hard being a fan of Boston these days. Between the Red Sox, the Celtics, and the New England Cheaters, Boston has the market cornered on championships. (I like the first two, but Tom Brady, uh...)

Speaking of the Red Sox, good riddance Manny Ramirez. I appreciate your World Series MVP and your offensive prowess, but it was your "Manny being Manny" attitude that finally caused me to give up on you. I mean, come, the outfielders collided with each other and the ball bounced all the way into the stands. And you still got thrown out at first base by that drunk guy wearing a Dodgers hat in the third row.

The…

A sensual journey into a black heart...

Suckers! I said I would only write one poem, but I've decided to add a second. Go ahead, call me a liar. Go ahead. It will make us all feel better... Okay, now that you have, I decided to write a second one because the fan base asked for it (One guy kind of shrugged and said, "I kind of liked it.") This will be the last one, at least for awhile. I was going to write a blog about how useless I think Perez Hilton and Kathy Griffin are, but that would be a waste of breath. So, without further ado...

A PURE DELIGHT

A smoke filled bar
one of a dying breed
the bar, not me
I'm just a poor man looking...
for his next dollar.
Is it here or a far away place?
Who knows, but the booze is good.
The people around me all have something to say.
I do too, but am silent.
Am I afraid?
Maybe I'm too smart
their talk bores me.
I sit here to write
and can only stare at the beer.
The tunes are good,
my mind at ease
The pen is ready,
the paper clean...
Is that Summer Sanders on t…

Poetry? Say it ain't so...

Okay, this is a one time only event, but I wanted to post something today. I had no ideas (because last night was TOO long, at least on a level of beer drinking fun) and I really didn't want to do much thinking today. I'm all thought out... Does that make sense? Probably not, but it's my blog. Plus, the Red Sox are losing to the Yankees. I wrote this about a year ago, so forgive me if you please...

THE EIGHTH DAY

Rainy Day Mondays Don't Bring Me Down
It's Tuesdays thru Sundays that hurt.
Mondays bring the fresh start
then the down slide follows.
Maybe God should have created an eighth day.
You know, to relax
and drink some wine.
Not that there's not enough time already.
There's always time for that.
On the eighth day,
I could enjoy life.
Maybe.
Or it could just be another day.
To revel in,
and cherish
the plight of existence.
Or the fact it's been 30 minutes
and the bartender has forgotten
about the man writing in the corner.

JRH

The Dog Days of Summer....

As I stood in front of the mirror the other night, I noticed a few things. One, I am really white. Save for my left arm, which is really tan, I was one pale guy. Then, upon a closer look with a side view, I noticed my stomach was starting to get out there. Nothing drastic, mind you, but enough of a difference to notice. It dawned on me that after nearly 30 years I was in the beginning stages of growing the world renowned Haskins' gut. This is nothing to be ashamed of, mind you, but something exercise had kept me from getting all of these years. On top of that, my love handles had expanded and were more flabby than ever. What had I done!

"This had to stop," I furiously thought to myself. I took it upon myself to change this. Here are five things that I needed to do.

1.) Exercise more.
2.) Stop eating Jack in the Box at three or four in the morning.
3.) Cut back on the beer.
4.) Stop eating Tony's Pizzas all the time.
5.) Fake tanning

With those five th…